This is a combination of two different monologues adapted from two different plays. One is from a scene called "Ghosts I've Known" in the script "Secrets of my Soul" and another is from a scene called "Much Madness" from a script called "The Weird, Wild and Wonderful Days of School."
The scripts were written around the same time so that's why they work well together. Plus they have a similar theme of dealing with the death of her mother and having a father who abandoned her.
****For permission to use this stage play script, email firstname.lastname@example.org (please include the title in your request "ONLY CHILDREN BELIEVE IN BUTTERFLIES")
"ONLY CHILDREN BELIEVE IN BUTTERFLIES" BY D. M. LARSON
Ghosts have always been with me. Not by choice. At least not on my part. It just happens. I don't want to believe... but they've forced themselves on me. (Thoughtful) Perhaps the old Indian woman did it to me. I lived in her house too long as a child.
(Looks at ceiling)
At night, footsteps paced the ceiling. Over and over, an impatient march, forever in step to the silent drum. If only this had been my only encounter, I could dismiss it. "The house is settling," my mother said... but this wasn't all the house did.
(Lights slightly flicker)
Lights dimmed and glowed. Her ghostly will stronger than the new world magic conjured by GE.
I slept in my room. Well, not really slept. Sleep was never something I did much of, especially early on. My worries at seven far outweighed my need for sleep. Awake. Forever awake. My father had left me. My mother...
I was always worried mother would leave me too.
I wish the ghosts would go. But they linger. Always lingering. Never really gone.
The old Indian woman was my first. She rocked at my beside, all in white. My eyes met hers. Her eyes giving me a worried look as if I were the one who had expired.
Fear making my head sink deeply into covers. My eyes entombed by my lids. How long she waited, I'll never know. By dawn I ventured a look. She was gone... or perhaps she was never there.
Thinking the apparition a dream, I told my family and their eyes betrayed them. Others had known her too.
Mother had a vision. She did not go questing for it though. The old Indian, young to most who saw her, once lived on this land. A servant. A girl died here, she at her side... at her side rocking... and the girl died.
I wish I could have been there for her to...
Spirits dog me. Just when I no longer believe, they appear. Flashing white lights. A cold touch. They return.
But this time it was too much. Another place. Another spirit. This time it was someone I knew.
(Slowly turns to panic during following)
It started with the call. The news that she had gone away. Finding myself in tears. Tears sapping me dry. Would the tears ever stop? Pain like a thick metal pole shoved up your ass.
(Tries to calm herself but panics again)
I had lost so much. An emptiness replaces love, anxious to find, nothing there... no body anyway, but something. Something that opens doors, something leaving tissue by the bed. The dog barking at nothing... but something. Finding things in new places, things missing. The locked door... open.
(Tries to calm herself)
Explanations fly. Knowledge our protection.
(Thinks a moment. Frowns and shivers)
It began with the cold. Spots of cold. A moment of normal then cold, as if the heat were sucked into another dimension. These don't bother me as much as the touch. A handless touch of nothing. Something grabbed by arm but no one was there.
(Pulls back in fear and runs. She falls to the ground)
I ran for bed, buried myself in covers and waited for dawn.
(She curls up in a ball. Pause)
You're never too old to hide under the covers. Wrapping yourself up into a cocoon. Hoping that when you emerge life will be butterflies again.
(She sighs and sits up)
But only children believe in butterflies.
(She rises again)
Adults know... or learn... that life is full of moths, caterpillars, and worms.
But when I'm alone... fear sets in. I wonder... do I really want to be alone? Maybe their visits comfort me.
Was it you that touched me that day?
And if you are still here, why do I feel so alone?
(Sees someone enter and gets upset, almost in a panic)
Please, stay away. Don't come in here. She won't visit me if you're here. Please.
(Person won't go and she gets more upset)
I want to be alone. I can't be around other people.
(Pause. Looks up, afraid)
I get really scared. I almost feel like I can't breathe.
(Panics a little)
I just need to be alone, Doctor.
You don't really care. You're simply doing your job. Once I'm "better" you'll be through with me. Then it's on to another person.
(Gives a mean look)
You're just like everyone else.
You probably haven't cared about anyone in years. That would be unprofessional... and a burden you don't need in your life.
(She pauses. Calms a little)
Please, just let me go - I know what I need better than you.
You're not God, you know. You don't have the powers to cure everything. I know what you can and can't do.
Go on! Get out now!
(Long pause and silence. Cries)
No one really cares, do they?
(Struggles to talk through her tears)
You think you can help me... change me...
People should only fix what's broken.
I said I don't want to talk anymore! Leave me alone! I don't have to tell you anything! I'm not a little kid.
(Bends over and buries her face in her hands. Cries for a bit and then is much calmer)
There's so much you don't know.
(She looks up at the sky)
If only I could fly.
(her eyes look in wonder)
I'm leaving all the Earthly matters to you. I belong near a different sun.
(Points to a star)
I wish I were a star... part of some constellation so I would never be lonely.
It's so free out there. No one can touch you or hurt you... you can simply shine.
People don't like it when you shine. That's why stars are up there and not down here. Humans think the brightness is offensive.
(Pause. Looks and smiles at the stars)
My mother is a star now.
She always seemed like one to me. But stars don't like it very well where they can't be stars anymore so they fade away, never shining again.
(Pause Grows sad)
I want to be a star. Stars having meaning. Stars I understand.
END OF SCENE
For more free monologues, go to http://freedrama.net/small1.html
Read "Ghosts I've Known" http://freedrama.net/ghost.html
Read "Secrets of my Soul" http://www.freedrama.net/secretssoul.html
Read "Much Madness" http://freedrama.net/madness1.html
Read "The Weird, Wild and Wonderful Days of School" http://www.freedrama.net/weirdschool.html