"I Sound Crazy" monologue for male from Death of an Insurance Salesman

"I SOUND CRAZY"

monologue for male

by

D. M. Larson

***

RALPH

I’m tired of doing everything right. I’m tired of following all the rules. Where has it gotten me? I’m in a dead end job where I get passed over for promotion after promotion. I do more on this floor than everyone put together. But hard work isn’t what matters. It’s all about being someone’s friend, someone’s drinking buddy… a good old boy is who succeeds. 

I just wanted to do my job. I just wanted to be really really good at it and get rewarded for my hard work. Is that too much to ask? It’s too much to expect I guess. Somehow I got this powerful work ethic pounded into me at an early age. I’m sick of it though. It’s draining the life out of me… and I haven’t even lived.

But when we ran away together… something changed… I was excited for the first time in my life… Something inside me broke free… my soul perhaps… my spirit… it had been caged up and hidden away. But you had the key… the key to free my soul and give it wings.

I sound crazy don’t I?  I feel a little crazy now. Crazy in a good way. Crazy in the best way possible. And it’s because of you. Somehow you found a way to help me escape the nightmare of my life… the living death that entombed me. But now I am free.

That night we spent together… it was the best night of my life. I have never been so happy. I’m not ever sure I knew what happy was before last night. I never wanted it to end.

END OF MONOLOGUE

***

For permission to use this script, please contact doug@freedrama.net (include the title "I Sound Crazy" in the request).

"Okay Gang Let's Split Up" comedy scene for 3 actors from Death of an Insurance Salesman

"OKAY GANG LET'S SPLIT UP"

funny scene for three actors

by 

D. M. Larson

SCENE

(MOOSE, PARKER and ROSIE are three office workers. There is a detective investigating a murder that took place there)

MOOSE

How come he didn't ask us any questions?

(ROSIE holds up a finger to her lips and motions for them to come with her.  PARKER, ROSIE and MOOSE go over to a downstage corner and try to be out of earshot of the others)

ROSIE

I don't think he bothered because we're not suspects.

PARKER

And the rest of them are?

ROSIE

Of course... they're all suspicious.

MOOSE

I say it's Sue.

ROSIE

Why?

MOOSE

Because she's mean.

ROSIE

Too obvious.

PARKER

Right. It's always the last one you suspect.

MOOSE

Like... me?

PARKER

Exactly.

MOOSE

I don't think I did it.

ROSIE

You didn't, stupid. Stop freaking him out, Parker.

PARKER

You're no fun.

ROSIE

We have to figure out who did this... and fast.

PARKER

Why?

ROSIE

Because I can't concentrate on my job knowing their might be a murderer on the other side of my cubicle.

MOOSE

But you don't do your job anyway.

ROSIE

Fine... I just don't like knowing there might be a killer in here... it's creepy.

PARKER

I wonder why he crawled to my cube?

MOOSE

You just moved into it too.

ROSIE

Who had your cube before?

PARKER

Some chick. Maybe the boss was looking for her and wanted a kiss goodbye?

ROSIE

Or maybe she was involved.

MOOSE

Who?

ROSIE

The woman who worked in this cube.

MOOSE

Parker's not a woman... is he?

PARKER

Not last time I checked.

ROSIE

What was her name?

MOOSE

Parkette?

ROSIE

What?

MOOSE

Parker's girl name is Parkette.

ROSIE

No, the name of the woman who used to work in Parker's cube before he moved over here.

MOOSE

Oh the hot one.

PARKER

I'm not hot?

(PARKER has stuffed something under his shirt so it looks like he has boobs)

MOOSE

No.

(MOOSE is poking his fake boobs)

PARKER

Is that any way to treat a lady? You really should buy me a drink first.

MOOSE

I don't think they're real.

ROSIE

Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Speaking of detectives... maybe we better tell the cop about this.

PARKER

Better yet, maybe we could solve the mystery and become heroes.

MOOSE

And get a reward or something.

ROSIE

You know what guys? That's - the - coolest idea ever!

MOOSE

I need one of the spy glass thingies.

PARKER

I need a pipe and a hat.

ROSIE

I need glasses. Smart detective girls always have glasses.

PARKER

How many detective girls are there?

ROSIE

Velma from Scooby Doo?

MOOSE

Oh! We need a talking dog. And I'll be his friend who smokes weed.

ROSIE

Shaggy doesn't smoke weed.

MOOSE

Then why is he so hungry all the time?

ROSIE

Good point.

PARKER

Is this a clue?

(PARKER holds up a hotel room key card.  RALPH sees him hold it up and panics)

RALPH

Give me that.

(RALPH grabs it and goes back to his desk)

ROSIE

Why does Ralph have a hotel room key?

MOOSE

Maybe he's on vacation.

ROSIE

Yeah, I'm sure he comes back here during the day and then vacations at night.

PARKER

Maybe he lives in a hotel. I'm not sure why'd he drive so far every day.

ROSIE

How far?

PARKER

That hotel is way out in the boonies. My family used to go out that way during summer vacation so I've seen it, but that's hours away.

ROSIE

Hmmm... so Mr. Clean might have some dirty laundry... hotel key, late to work...

MOOSE

He's late because he had to do his laundry?

ROSIE

Something like that.

PARKER

We have some good dirt already. We're such good detectives.

ROSIE

Okay, gang. Let's split up.

MOOSE

And do what?

ROSIE

I'm not sure but that's what those detectives always do. 

PARKER

We have a few clues... I just need to remember the name of that girl who used to have my cube... Cindy? Mandy? Candy? Hmmm...

ROSIE

And maybe we should follow Ralph after work and see where he goes?

MOOSE

Oh and do a stakeout. I'll bring the steaks. One of you two have a bbq?

END OF SCENE

***

For permission to use this scene, please email doug@freedrama.net (include the title "Okay Gang Let's Split Up" in the request).

"Watching You" short monologue for female

"Watching You"

short monologue for woman

by D. M. Larson

(MINDY goes up to RALPH'S desk and leaves him a present. She pretends to talk to him)

MINDY

Hi, I'm Mindy - I've been watching you... no, no sounds creepy. Hi, I'm Mindy. I enjoyed the seminar you have last week on customer service techniques. I thought you were wonderful... Amazing... I mean. No, no... Too much. I found it very informative. I've been to all your staff trainings. I never miss one. I'm always in the front row. I'm always early. I wanted to give you a little something... To let you know that we appreciate all the help you give to the rest of is... To all help you give me. You really care about people... I don't think anyone notices all the hard work you do. But I do. And that's why I wanted to give you this. Because you make a difference... You make a difference for me.

END OF MONOLOGUE

***

For permission to use this script, please contact doug@freedrama.net (include the title "Watching You" in the request).

"Dead End Job" scene for 3 actors from Death of an Insurance Salesman

"DEAD END JOB"
Scene for 3 actors (2 male, 1 female)
from a published play
by D. M. Larson

(MINDY is dressed in a trench coat, hat and sunglasses, looking fashionable mysterious)

MINDY

Alone at last.

RALPH

What are you doing here?

MINDY

I got lonely... you've been gone all day.

RALPH

I went to all the trouble to hide you and get you somewhere safe... and now you're back here again.  In the thick of it.  There's a cop here.

MINDY

How exciting.

RALPH

No it's not. It's dangerous. I want you to be safe. I want to take care of you.

MINDY

You're so sweet. That's why I couldn't stay away from you. I need you. I need more of last night.

RALPH

That was pretty nice.

MINDY

I thought you hated this place. I thought you wanted to give up on this dead end job and run away with me. 

RALPH

I do. I’m tired of doing everything right. I’m tired of following all the rules. Where has it gotten me? I’m in a dead end job where I get passed over for promotion after promotion. I do more on this floor than everyone put together. But hard work isn’t what matters. It’s all about being someone’s friend, someone’s drinking buddy… a good old boy is who succeeds. I just wanted to do my job. I just wanted to be really really good at it and get rewarded for my hard work. Is that too much to ask? It’s too much to expect I guess. Somehow I got this powerful work ethic pounded into me at an early age. I’m sick of it though. It’s draining the life out of me… and I haven’t even lived.

But when we ran away together… something changed… I was excited for the first time in my life… Something inside me broke free… my soul perhaps… my spirit… it had been caged up and hidden away. But you had the key… the key to free my soul and give it wings.

I sound crazy don’t I?  I feel a little crazy now. Crazy in a good way. Crazy in the best way possible. And it’s because of you. Somehow you found a way to help me escape the nightmare of my life… the living death that entombed me. But now I am free.

That night we spent together… it was the best night of my life. I have never been so happy. I’m not ever sure I knew what happy was before last night. I never wanted it to end.

MINDY

Then why did you leave you jerk?  Why did you come back here?

RALPH

I wanted to come back to make sure we were taken care of. 

MINDY

What do you mean?

RALPH

I have a plan… something that will make sure we’re taken care of for a long time.

MINDY

You are crazy.

RALPH

I know… isn’t it grand?

(MAX, the police detective, enters)

MAX

Grand indeed.  Hello, Ralph. I see you’re working late.

RALPH

Don't you know it's not polite to listen to people's private conversations?

MAX

But it sounded so close to a confession that I couldn't help myself.

RALPH

Aren't you a little foolish to confront a suspected killer alone? Or do you have a SWAT team waiting outside?

MAX

This is a high profile case. Your boss has a lot of important friends who want to see his killer pay for what he... or she... has done.  I don't want some lazy commissioner waltzing in at the last minute and taking all the credit for this. This is my case and I want to follow this to the end.

RALPH

Well, the end is near.  So no one knows you're here?   All alone... no backup?  Cocky... and stupid.

(RALPH pulls a gun)

MINDY

I wondered where my gun went.

RALPH

I thought I might need it again.

MINDY

Good thinking.

MAX

You're Mindy right?  

MINDY

What's it to you?

MAX

Mindy... you really think you can trust, Ralph?

MINDY

I'd trust him with my life.

MAX

What if I told you he took out a life insurance policy on you today?

MINDY

What?

MAX

Planning on collecting now or later, Ralph?

MINDY

What's he talking about?

RALPH

I did take one out on her.  With myself as the beneficiary.  But I also took one out on you Max.  And I plan on collecting yours tonight.

(RALPH shoots MAX)

MINDY

What's going on, Ralph?  Did you really take out a policy on me?  Are you going to kill me?

RALPH

Never.

(Ralph gives her the gun)

RALPH (CONT.)

In fact, I took one out on myself.  With you as the beneficiary... 

MINDY

I'm still mad.

RALPH

Yours is for twice as much... you'll get a million if I die.  

MINDY

Really?  Okay, you're forgiven. 

RALPH

I also backdated a policy on Pete which I've collected on already.  Now we have Max to add to our retirement funds. 

MINDY

But won't they figure out what we're up to?

RALPH

That's why I've been here all day. I used fake names and accounts that are difficult to track.  I know this system better than the designers.  By the time they sort it all out we'll be long gone.

MINDY

I love you... you're amazing!  Run away with me... for real this time.  Don't just send me away and leave me alone. I can't be alone.

RALPH

You'll never be alone. Never again. We'll always be together... forever.  And never another worry again.

MINDY

I knew you would make all my dreams come true.

RALPH

You're better than dreams. You're better than anything I can imagine.

MINDY

Where are we going? Mexico? Cuba? Russia?

RALPH

How about Montana?

MINDY

Montana?

RALPH

Big, beautiful and empty. That's the last place they'll look.

MINDY

Sounds lovely... isn't it cold there?  

RALPH

I'll get you some warm fuzzy boots.

MINDY

I love fuzzy boots. Let's go, lover.

END OF SCENE

***

For permission to use this scene, please email doug@freedrama.net (include the title "Dead End Job" in your request).

For the published play, "Death of an Insurance Salesman"

"The Boogie Man" 2 actors (1m 1f) from Death of an Insurance Salesman

 “The Boogie Man”

a scene for two actors

by D. M. Larson

(MINDY goes up to RALPH'S desk and leaves him a present. She pretends to talk to him)

MINDY

Hi, I'm Mindy - I've been watching you... no, no sounds creepy. Hi, I'm Mindy. I enjoyed the seminar you have last week on customer service techniques. I thought you were wonderful... Amazing... I mean. No, no... Too much. I found it very informative. I've been to all your staff trainings. I never miss one. I'm always in the front row. I'm always early. I wanted to give you a little something... To let you know that we appreciate all the help you give to the rest of is... To all help you give me. You really care about people... I don't think anyone notices all the hard work you do. But I do. And that's why I wanted to give you this. Because you make a difference... You make a difference for me.

(PETE hears her - comes from shadows. Claps) 

PETE

Very touching.

MINDY

You bastard. Were you listening to me? Why are you so creepy?

PETE

You used to like it when I lurked in the shadows, waiting for you.

MINDY

I never liked that. I've never liked your games.

PETE

So now you're turning your attention to Ralphie. 

MINDY

We're done okay? I told you that. 

PETE

Then this is the point in the relationship where I give you a pink slip.

MINDY

You can't so that... I'll sue you...

PETE

My lawyers are way better than your lawyers I'm sure. Besides... When I give a pink slip it's very final. My pink slips are permanent. You'll be done... Never to be heard from again. 

MINDY

You're scaring me.

PETE

For some reason, I like that. I've always liked that. I want people to fear me. That must be what royalty felt like - ruling with an iron fist - having people fear them - cast aside the useless - punish those who won't obey.

(Mindy has left)

Run, run, as fast as you can. You can't get away from me, I'm the boogie man. 

END OF SCENE

***

Copyright (c) 2015

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"Salesman of the Year" monologue for male from Death of an Insurance Salesman

"SALESMAN OF THE YEAR"

short dramatic monologue

by

D. M. Larson

(RALPH stops working and looks sadly at a little trophy on his desk)

RALPH

Salesman of the year. Things looked really good back then. They're not looking so good anymore. They haven't looked good for a long time. Something has to change. I can't keep spinning my wheels like this. I need to move forward or move on. I work hard... I deserve more. I deserve respect. Real, genuine respect. Not just plastic statues, but real meaningful gestures that show I am important to this company. I've worked hard for them. I made this company better. But this place is making me worse.

(Ralph has squeezed the statue and it has broken in his hand. He looks at the broken pieces and then tosses them in the trash. He buries his face in this hands and lights fade to black)

END OF SCENE

***

For permission to use this monologue, contact doug@freedrama.net (please include the title "Salesman of the Year" in your request).

From the published play "Death of an Insurance Salesman"

"Call for Help" scene for 2 male actors from Death of an Insurance Salesman

"CALL FOR HELP"

by

D. M. Larson

(GIL enters and goes up to RALPH. GIL is grabbing his chest and looks very sick... like a heart attack.  RALPH sees GIL and jumps up)

RALPH

Are you okay?

GIL

Fine, fine.  I need some insurance... now.

RALPH

You don't look so good. I better call…

GIL

No!  No... I'm fine. I need some of your life insurance... now.

RALPH

Um... well... if you're sure you don't need any help.

GIL

No... please... insurance... now.

RALPH

Oh... okay.  I remember you were looking at several policies last time you came by...

GIL

The one for heart attacks...

RALPH

With the mega care add on?

GIL

Right... mega... add…

(GIL is fading and slipping out of his chair)

RALPH

I really should call someone.

(GIL pulls himself back up)

GIL

No, I'm great... never better... give me the policy!

RALPH

Well, there are several options…

GIL

Give me the best…

RALPH

That will require some underwriting... we'll have to fill out this paperwork…

GIL

Never mind... what's the quickest option?

RALPH

Level 1 and 2 are simple... no underwriting.

GIL

Give me those.

RALPH

You just need one.

GIL

Give me the better one... now... please…

RALPH

Well, I have a lot of your information on file... just sign here and we'll get this processed for you.

(GIL struggles to sign and finally manages with some help from RALPH)

GIL

We good?

RALPH

I'll just need a payment... you can do a credit card or here is a form for payroll deduction…

GIL

Credit card…

(GIL struggles to get wallet and gets card with Ralph's help)

RALPH

I'll run this now for you.

GIL

Now... yes, please…

RALPH

And there we go.  Looks like you're good to go.

GIL

So I'm covered…

RALPH

Yes.

GIL

For say... a heart attack.

RALPH

Yes.

GIL

Good.

(GIL falls on the floor)

GIL (CONT.)

You can call for help now.

(GIL passes out and RALPH gets on his phone)

END OF SCENE

***

Buy a low cost PDF of the scene at https://sellfy.com/p/sGBP/

Buy a PDF of the entire play "Death of an Insurance Salesman" at https://sellfy.com/p/HGQy/

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Check out this adapted version from "Trial and Error Productions" of South India (in Kannada language with English subtitles):

"Used Up in Cubical Land" monologue from published play "Death of an Insurance Salesman"

USED UP IN CUBICAL LAND

by

D. M. Larson

From the published play "Death of an Insurance Salesman"

SUE

He has wanted a promotion ever since he got here... wow, it's been a lot of years. But they keep passing him over for some "new blood" from some other company.  They never promote any of us.  No matter how hard we work, none of us get a shot.  It's always an outsider, some guy with new and exciting ideas to revitalize the company. Or someone who brings secrets from another company they can steal. We're all used up here in cubicle-land. Useless.

Why do I stay? Why do I keep a job I hate?

It's easy... I sometimes thought about getting other jobs, but everything requires special skills or a lot of hard work.  Here... they just keep us... we never seem to get fired... we're just settled in our spaces, waiting for something to happen, something to change... or hoping it doesn't so we don't have to work any harder.  

Just do enough work to stay unnoticed and hope someone else does enough work to keep us all in a job.

END OF MONOLOGUE

***

From the play script "Death of an Insurance Salesman" (PDF) ISBN-13: 978-1518665547

"The Waiting Room" play for three actors from Death of an Insurance Salesman

“The Waiting Room”

by D. M. Larson

A scene for 3 actors from the play "Death of an Insurance Salesman"
ISBN-13: 978-1518665547

(MAX enters a waiting room. Pete and Gil are sitting and waiting)

MAX

Where am I?  

GIL

A waiting room.

MAX

What kind of waiting room?

GIL

I’m not sure.

PETE

Why is this taking so long?

GIL

He’s been here awhile.

PETE

I don’t understand why we’re just sitting here.  There’s no receptionist, no sign in sheet, no intercom… 

nothing!

MAX

Take it easy. We’ll figure this out.

PETE

Take it easy?! You just got here. I’ve been waiting here forever.

GIL

Not quite… see I was here before you and…

PETE

Shut up! I’m sick of hearing you talk.

GIL

Sorry.

PETE

Shut it!

MAX

Getting upset isn’t going to solve this. If we…

PETE

If we what? Get superpowers and walk through a wall or fly…

(Looks up and pauses.  He stares silently.  Max and Gil look too)

MAX

That’s weird.

GIL

There’s no ceiling.  It just kind of goes up and up and up and…

PETE

Shut… up!

MAX

Whoa… it got darker.

GIL

Interesting.

(GIL goes over and shakes Max’s hand)

GIL (CONT.)

Nice to meet you, my name is Gil.

MAX

It got lighter again.

(Max smiles and shakes back)

MAX (CONT.)

Nice to meet you, Gil.

GIL

Lighter again.

PETE

What are you freaks doing?!

GIL

Darker.

MAX

We’re just examining our surroundings.  Seeing if there are any clues that can help us get out of here.

(Max looks around)

PETE

It’s useless. We’ve tried everything.

MAX

So how did we get in here?

GIL

Good question.

MAX

You’d think there was a door or something.  Did you see me come in?

GIL

You were just kind of there. Same with him.

MAX

I’m not sure where I came from either.  What’s the last thing you remember?

PETE

Ralph… the insurance salesman… for some reason I just keep seeing Ralph.

GIL

Me too… he was selling me insurance.

MAX

That’s who I remember too… we were talking.

PETE

And Mindy… I remember Mindy.

MAX

Yes, Mindy too.

GIL

Who’s Mindy?

MAX

So we all remember Ralph. 

PETE

I bet he did this to us. I knew he was no good.

GIL

He helped me.

PETE

What?

GIL

He helped me and my family. He made sure they were taken care of. I have this wonderful feeling that my family is safe and secure and have everything they need.

PETE

Except you.

GIL

Except me.

MAX

Wow, that mood ceiling is all over the place. What if we work together?  What if we all try to make the ceiling as bright as possible?

PETE

What about making it as dark as possible?

MAX

I have a feeling making it lighter is better.

GIL

We can all be as nice as possible to each other and think good things.

PETE

Sure! Let’s all do a group hug!  Ha! Forget it… how about we all punch each other and I take one of these chairs and beat you until you’re dead.

(PETE picks up a chair – GIL hides behind MAX)

MAX

Take it easy, Pete. Wait. Don’t come any closer. I don’t want to fight with you.

PETE

I am sick and tired of nothing happening. I want something to happen. I want out of here!

MAX

I understand what you’re saying. We all want out of here.  We all want to find a way.

PETE

What is this place? Why are we all trapped here?  Maybe this is some sort of test or challenge. Maybe this is a survivor kind of thing… last man standing. Winner takes all.

MAX

Yes, it does seem strange like a test or puzzle.

PETE

I hate not being in control.  I’m always the one in control. I’m always the one with the plan who knows what to do.  I hate this!

MAX

You’re a leader… I’m sorry if I tried to take that away from you. I’m really sorry.

(PETE throws down the chair and walks away)

PETE

I always had the answers. I always was the one everyone looked to. I was like a shepherd guiding my flock, leading everyone to a better life.

MAX

That’s what good leaders do.

(Max goes up to him and extends a hand)

MAX

Let’s start over, okay?  My name’s Max… Max Schreck.

PETE

Pete… Pete Masters.

GIL

And I’m Gil… Gil Paulsen.

MAX

So Pete… what do you think we should do?

(PETE sighs and paces. He looks up at the ceiling and then down again. MAX motions to GIL to be quiet and let PETE think)

PETE

Ralph… what does Ralph have to do with all this?  He’s what we all have in common.

MAX

You’re right… he is the strange connection we all have.

PETE

He did something to me.

MAX

I have this feeling he did something to me too.

PETE

Why can’t I remember?

GIL

He helped me.

PETE

But what if he didn’t.  What if he lied to you and took all your insurance money for himself.

GIL

That would be pretty bad. My poor family.

(MAX touches his chest)

MAX

He shot me! I remember now. He shot me.

PETE

Yes! He shot me too.

GIL

He’s a killer? But he seemed so nice.

PETE

And devious.

MAX

I was supposed to stop him. I was supposed to be the one to stop him.

GIL

I hope my family is okay.

PETE

Maybe we’re waiting for him. Maybe we’re in this waiting room, waiting for him to arrive. Waiting for justice. We will be judge, jury and executioners. I can wait forever now… wait for his demise… wait for that moment his life ends and he comes here to face his sins.

(GIL looks at the ceiling and the room gets darker and darker under it is completely black)

END OF PLAY

***

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