"Gone With The Flush"
duologue for 2 males
from the published play "A Little Private Education"
ISBN-13: 978-1532853111
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LUKE
Today was science day. We were doing experiments and some of my students decided to find out how many paper clips it takes to plug a toilet.
PLUM
And you let them?
LUKE
I didn't know about it. They took turns in there. I thought they were doing what people normally do in bathrooms.
PLUM
Did you start to wonder after they were in there awhile?
LUKE
Look. Are you going to fix it or not?
PLUM
Hey, you're paying me the emergency service rate. I'm staying.
(LUKE cleans up during the rest of the
scene)
LUKE
I had to do the emergency rate. Nobody could come for a week otherwise.
PLUM
Besides, my horoscope said during a crisis I will find romance. I thought this might be it.
LUKE
Sorry, I'm not interested.
PLUM
I didn't mean you.
LUKE
Good. I hope not.
PLUM
Got any cute babes around here?
LUKE
None over eighteen. Sorry.
PLUM
I sure hope some other crisis comes up then. I need a date.
LUKE
Who knows maybe you'll find a beautiful woman clogging my toilet? That would make a great TV movie. They could call it Romancing the Toilet. Or Gone with the Flush. Or While You Were Flushing.
PLUM
So where's the John?
LUKE
The what?
PLUM
The throne. The porcelain god.
LUKE
(Realizes)
The toilet. I'm a little slow today. Sorry. It's right through there. Enjoy.
PLUM
So this is a school, huh?
LUKE
No, actually it's a nuclear test site. Couldn't you tell?
PLUM
You definitely sound like you've had a hard day. You seem a little touchy.
LUKE
Look at this place. The kids destroyed it. A whole summer of research and idealism down the drain.
PLUM
Don't you mean, down the toilet?
LUKE
Plumber humor, right?
PLUM
(Chuckling)
Yeah.
LUKE
Well, I don't like it.
PLUM
Sorry.
LUKE
Aren't you supposed to be doing something?
PLUM
I don't know. Am I?
LUKE
I'm paying you by the hour aren't I?
PLUM
Hey, I'm in no hurry. You're my last job today.
LUKE
Well, I am in a hurry! Get moving will you.
PLUM
Fine. I was trying to be customer friendly.
LUKE
I can find cheaper friends on a street corner.
PLUM
I need to go downstairs to get my tools.
LUKE
Why didn't you bring them up with you?
PLUM
I just wanted to make sure this was the right place first.
(Exits)
LUKE
Why can't teachers get paid by the hour?
(Gets a calculator)
Let's see Mr. Plum gets $100 an hour.
(Adds up)
If I got that for eights hours of school, along with two hours of planning and correcting papers a night. Add some hours for parent teacher conferences, science fairs, Christmas plays... $216,000. Not bad. Maybe we should let big business run education after all.
END OF SCENE
***
Winter Acting Intensive 2017 - Acting for Film - Group1 from Deano Pictures on Vimeo.
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BROTHER
MAKEOVER by D. M. Larson is from the Published Play "A Little Private Education"
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