Beauty IS a Beast by D. M. Larson
PART 6 - SCENE - OUTSIDE THE CASTLE
(Outside the castle there is a strong man contest going on.
Different people compete, trying the lift various objects)
MAYOR: Now we're down to two men. Nick and Joe. Joe will go first.
JOE: No problem.
(Crowd cheers him on. He strains and doesn't pick up the object)
MAYOR: Now you, Nick.
NICK: I'll give it a try.
(Tries to lift it. Strains. Then does. Crowd goes wild)
MAYOR: Nick is the winner!
(Girls wave to him and blow kisses. Guys pat him on the back and shake his hand)
NICK: Thank you everyone. You are too kind.
MAYOR: And your prize.
(Hands over bag)
NICK: Five pieces of gold! That will feed my whole family for a month.
JILL: That's quite a prize.
NICK: You can say that again.
JILL: Do you need someone to help you spend it?
NICK: I plan using this to feed all my brothers and sisters.
JILL: Oh, you're no fun. Come on. Live a little. Let's throw a party.
NICK: I'm not going to waste this money on some silly party.
JILL: I'll dance every dance with you. I won't leave your side.
NICK: No, Jill. Forget it. I'd rather feed my family for a month, than play for a day.
JILL: Would you do it for a kiss?
NICK: Good-bye, Jill.
JILL: Fine. Be that way. There are a million boys that like me.
I'll go dance with one of them.
NICK: You do that.
MAYOR: Jill certainly is a beautiful girl, Nick. How come you don't like her?
NICK: She doesn't understand how important this money is to my family.
MAYOR: I must say I admire you, my boy. Not many young men your age would give up everything for a bunch of little orphan kids.
NICK: As far as I know I haven't given up anything for them. My family and I have food, clothes, and a roof over our heads. What more could anyone want?
MAYOR: You got me there. Come, I want to introduce you to some friends of mine.
(MAYOR and NICK exit. PRINCESS enters in rags. She is completely messed up. She is dizzy and confused)
PRINCESS: Where am I?
MEG: Who are you?
PRINCESS: I'm Beauty.
JOHN: That's a funny name.
PRINCESS: What's so funny about it?
SALLY: Well, you're not exactly,
(NICK enters and notices the PRINCESS is upset)
PRINCESS: (Notices her clothing)
Oh, what happened? Where are my lovely dresses? Who did this to me?
My fairy godmother did this. Where are you? I demand you come
to me immediately.
MEG: She's crazy.
SALLY: Let's go, Meg.
(NICK goes up to PRINCESS)
MEG: See you later, crazy girl.
SALLY: (To MEG as they go)
They should call her Ugly, not Beauty.
BEAUTY: Yeah, well, if I weren't so nice, I'd call you a thing or two.
NICK: What seems to be the trouble?
(PRINCESS notices how handsome NICK is)
PRINCESS: Uh, hi. I seem to have been greatly wronged and am seeking restitution.
PRINCESS: Believe it or not, I am Princess Beauty.
(NICK tries not to laugh)
What's so funny?
NICK: It's just that, you look nothing like her.
PRINCESS: I know. My fairy godmother did this too me.
NICK: I thought fairy godmothers were supposed to be helpful.
PRINCESS: So did I. Where is she?
This isn't funny, fairy godmother. If you don't turn me back now, you'll be sorry.
NICK: If you're really Beauty, why don't you just go home and tell them what happened? You can take a bath and get cleaned up and it will be okay.
PRINCESS: That's an excellent idea.
(She marches up to the castle gate)
Hello, you stupid servants. Let me in. It's Princess Beauty.
(They scramble and rush to open the door. But they stop her)
Get out of my way.
GUARD: Sorry, but you're not Princess Beauty.
PRINCESS: I am so.
GUARD: You can't possibly be.
PRINCESS: Step aside. I want to see my father.
GUARD: No way! Back off.
PRINCESS: Don't touch me.
(They push her out and she lands on the ground)
GUARD: And don't try that again or we'll throw you in the dungeon.
Now what am I going to do?
NICK: (Helps her up)
Do you have anywhere else to go?
PRINCESS: No. Nowhere.
NICK: Come with me. We'll get you cleaned up and fed. Then we'll decide what to do.
(NICK takes PRINCESS by the hand and leads her away)
HONOR: (Comes to gate)
Have you seen any sign of my sister?
GUARD: No, Princess.
HONOR: No one else has seen her?
GUARD: Oh, sure. Lots of people have come claiming the reward your father offered. They say she's anywhere from the stables to the moon. We even had one peasant come and claim she WAS Princess Beauty.
GUARD: She looked nothing like her. She was all dirty and ugly.
HONOR: Didn't you offer to help her?
GUARD: Uh, well,
HONOR: We should help all the people of our kingdom, especially those who are suffering.
GUARD: I'm very sorry, Princess. I will not make this error again.
HONOR: Please let us know immediately if there is any sign of Beauty.
BILL: Hey there! I found her. I found the Princess Beauty!
(Points off L. LADY appears)
LADY: (Old and strange and dressed quite funny)
Here I am!
(They laugh as the lights fade to black. A spotlight comes up on FAIRY)
FAIRY: Well, well, well. Beauty has found herself a handsome peasant boy. A most unexpected development. A most unexpected and pleasant peasant development. A day or so among the "little people" might be exactly what Beauty needs to see things differently. Now for the difficult part. I must teleport all of you into Nick's tiny home.It's much smaller than this castle here. If you don't mind, I'll have to shrink you down a bit. You will be no bigger than mice. You must all agree to stay in hiding though. Oh! But watch out for the family cat. He gets awful hungry this time of day. Everyone ready? Here we go.
(Snaps her fingers and blackout)
What happened to the lights? What's going on here? Did someone forget to pay the light bill? This is ridiculous.
(Remembers the audience. Turns on a small light)
Oh. I suppose all of you are more upset than I am about this. Now, no one panic. I've got everything under control.
(Her little light goes out)
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