Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Mystery of the Gangster Ghost Part 11 scene "Pickled Pig Toes" free stage play script

MYSTERY OF THE GANGSTER GHOST

PART 11

ACT II SCENE 2 - PICKLED PIG TOES


(Various PEOPLE are gathered in a club talking, drinking,

and enjoying themselves. Everyone is dressed casually except

for REMMY who wears a nice, white dress. The center of

attention is FLO and MUGSY, who are arm wrestling. MUGSY is

straining. FLO is relaxed)


MUGSY

You give up yet?


FLO

What’s the matter, Sam? Tired.


MUGSY

No way.


JAQUE

Any more bets? Flo’s looking tired.


(FLO starts to weaken)


MUGSY

I’ve got you now.


SALLY

Twenty more dollars on Mugsy!


FLO

How much we got, Jaque?


JAQUE

That makes two hundred dollars for

the winner.


FLO

That’s enough. Come to mommy!


(FLO kisses the money)


MUGSY

You cheated us!


SALLY

That ain’t fair. We want our money back.


FLO

A bet’s a bet.


(MUGSY pulls out a gun. REMMY comes out during this, sees

gun and grabs a metal skillet)


SAM

And a gun’s a gun.


(REMMY hits SAM over the head and he falls)


REMMY

You know the rules. No guns.


(REMMY picks the gun up like a dirty diaper and throws it

away. SALLY runs over to MUGSY and pats his face to try and

wake him up)


SALLY

Mugsy? Mugsy? Speak to me.


MUGSY

Wow, what a headche.


SALLY

Oh, Mugsy. I’m so glad you’re okay.


MUGSY

Sure, I’m okay... uh... what did

you say your name was?


SALLY

Oh, Mugsy. You’re gonna make me cry.


(Sally runs out in tears)


MUGSY

What happened?


FLO

Well, you see. Jaque was returning

your money and you dropped it on

the floor under the table. You were

reaching for your money and then

you hit your head. That’s when this

guy grabbed your money and ran out the door.


MUGSY

What?


FLO

You better go get it. He’s got a

big head start.


MUGSY

I’ll kill him!


(MUGSY runs out angrily)


JAQUE

Nice story.


FLO

Thanks.


(There’s a knock at the door: shave and a haircut)


REMMY

It’s the secret knock. Open the door.


(JAQUE opens the door and SIMON walks in)


JAQUE

Who are you?


(Everyone looks nervously at SIMON)


SIMON

Simon. Sim Simon.


REMMY

Can I help you?


SIMON

The sign outside said, "Pete’s

Pickled Pig Toes." Is this where I

can get some pickled pig toes?


REMMY

Well, not exactly.


SIMON

You’re out of business?

REMMY

Well...


SIMON

You’re not....


REMMY

Ummm...


SIMON

This isn’t...


REMMY

Uh...


SIMON

An illegal operation?


REMMY

Please, sir... this isn’t what it

looks like.


SIMON

As a loyal citizen of this

wonderful nation I must...


(PETE pulls out a gun and points it at SIMON)


SIMON (CONT.)

...say that I didn’t see a thing.


PETE

Good choice.


(PETE guides SIMON out the door)


FLO

Nice to have Pete as a bouncer.


(VERA pulls FLO aside)


VERA

So what’s the deal with Pete?

FLO

What do you mean?


VERA

I swear I’ve seen him before...

right along Elliot Ness... one of

them Untouchables.



FLO

He’s untouchable alright. If only

he were unsmellable too. That guy stinks.


VERA

So is he?


FLO

What?


VERA

You know... the fuzz... a copper...

one of them guys that just took

down Al Capone.


FLO

Don’t mention Al around here right

now. His younger brother, Cal,

owns this club and he’s pretty sore

about his brother getting nabbed.


VERA

Can you believe it... Al Capone...

thrown in jail for cheating on his taxes.


FLO

Shhh... nix the Al talk, toots.


VERA

So tell me more this Pete then.


FLO

Pete doesn’t like to talk about his

past either... and his fall from grace.


VERA

Fall from grace?


FLO

They say he got in fight with Eliot

Ness himself.


VERA

Really... the leader of the

Untouchables?


FLO

A fist fight... on top of a

skyscraper... he nearly knocked ol’

Ness off with a nasty left hook.


VERA

What were they fighting over?


FLO

A woman.


VERA

Of course. Then what happened?


FLO

Then Pete ends up here... a bouncer

at a speakeasy... disgraced. 


VERA

Wow.


FLO

You said it, toots.


(BETH goes to gossip about PETE with some others. REMMY

goes to FLO)


REMMY

Nice cover story for Pete.


FLO

Had to come up with something. She

was getting nosey.


REMMY

Spying for Cal?


FLO

Dunno. Probably. Better safe than sorry.


(Knock at the door - shave and a haircut)


JAQUE

It’s the secret knock. I’ll get it.


(SQUIRT appears at the door)


SQUIRT

You got any pickled pigs toes?


(JAQUE slams the door on SQUIRT)


JAQUE

You gotta change that password, Remmy.


FLO

So what’s on the schedule tonight?


JAQUE

Yea, we want some entertainment!


REMMY

I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.


FLO

Where’s the band?


JAQUE

Where’s the singer?


(PUGSY, who is drunk, gets up and stumbles to the center of

the room)


PUGSY

I’m gonna sing for you now... one

of my favorite songs...


FLO

This should be good.


PUGSY

For your information, I was a

talented actor in my day. Did some

real serious theatre at one time.


JAQUE

I’ll bet you really knocked ’em dead.


FLO

Yeah, with his breath.


PUGSY

Go ahead and laugh. Once you hear

me sing you’ll be sorry. Maestro? A one, a two, a....


(PUGSY passes out on the floor. Everyone applauds)


JAQUE

Beautiful! Bravo!


FLO

Stunning performance.



JAQUE

Encore! Encore!


(PETE drags off the drunk)


REMMY

Anyone else want to give it a try?


JAQUE

No one can top that.


(Knock at door)


JAQUE (cont’d)

That’s not the secret knock.


REMMY

Quick everyone. To your places.


(Everyone rushes around and hides liquor and changed

gambling for checkers, etc. Jars of pickles are set out.

More knocking)


JAQUE

That sounds like a cop.


REMMY

Oh, my. Oh, my. Where’s Pete?


JAQUE

Ready?


REMMY

Let ’em in.


(JAQUE lets in the police officer, ELIOT. He enters with

the PUGSY. He draws his gun and the PUGSY falls to the floor)


ELIOT

Surprise! Police raid!


JAQUE

Come on in, officer.


REMMY

Care for any pickled pig toes?


ELIOT

Sorry, ma’am. I thought this was an

illegal booze operation.


REMMY

As you can see, this is a reputable joint.


ELIOT

I’m sure I smelled some alcohol on

this drunk I just found outside of here.


REMMY

It must be the stuff we pickle

with. People often make that mistake.


(The COP points to the PUGSY)


ELIOT

So what’s with him?


REMMY

Oh, he’s in charge of... tasting

the pickling juice... to make sure

it’s the right mixture.


ELIOT

You sure that’s safe?


REMMY

He isn’t dead is he?


(COP nudges PUGSY with his foot)


ELIOT

I don’t know. I can’t tell.


REMMY

Trust me, he’s fine.


(COP looks at a jar of pickles)


ELIOT

These look like pickles.


REMMY

That’s what happens when you pickle

pigs’ feet. They turn out just

like pickles.


ELIOT

Well, what do you know?

REMMY

Amazing, isn’t it?


(REMMY guides the COP toward the door)


REMMY (CONT.)

I suppose you’ll want to be going.


ELIOT

I do have to go. Sorry to disturb

you all.


REMMY

Don’t mention it. Bye.


(REMMY pushes him out the door)


REMMY (CONT.)

That was close.


(Everyone changes the place back as before. REMMY sighs and

then there is another knock at the door)


REMMY (CONT.) (cont’d)

Here we go again.


(Everyone starts changing back again. ELIOT opens door)


ELIOT

I just wanted to say...


(REMMY tries to close door on him. Everyone is frantic and confused)


REMMY

What’s that?


ELIOT

If you every need anything, give me a call.


REMMY

Okay, thank you.


(REMMY pushes him out and shuts the door)


REMMY (CONT.)

That was way too close.



Mystery of the Gangster Ghost scene "Pickled Pig Toes" free stage play script


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