Wednesday, July 12, 2017

"Losers in Love" Part 7 funny scene for two actors 1 male 1 female



LOSERS IN LOVE
PART 7


(The cafe now has a stage area with a sign that says “COSPLAY POETRY JAM!” for the open mic night sign. Another sign says perform and get a free drink)


MR. MOO
You humans have a love hate relationship with us bovine. We are used and abused. We're all shakes and burgers to you aren't we? You can't get enough of us.


You even use our cowbells in music! Don't try to deny it. I know you're always wanting more cowbell in your songs.


(Smiles)
Hey, do you know why cows wear bells?


(Pause)


Because their horns don't work.


(Laughs at his own joke)
A little barnyard humor.


(Frowns when he remembers what he was talking about)
But seriously, we have tried to get along with you. We have tried to give you our fair share. What do you give us in return?  You take away our fields... You lock us up in fences. You cage us. We no longer can enjoy those long lazy days of grazing in open prairies. Instead we are imprisoned in corrals of corruption. Corporate corruption which feeds on greed and wants to squeeze every drop out of us for a few extra pennies.


(Angry)


How dairy you?! You butter try harder to get along with us or we're cutting you off faster than you can cut the cheese. No, I'm not milking this for all it is worth.


(Gets sad, almost in tears)


Because it seems like every human is in on it. If it's not corporate hogs then it's those of you who want to protect the prairies and deny us fresh grass to graze upon.  Do we too not have a right to be free, to feed openly and enjoy what the Earth provides? Or are we only to give and you only to take?


(Mad again)
We try to get along with you but now you've crossed a line? We're not in mooood anymore. This has gotten udderly ridiculous. I know you're probably going to say something like, “Don't have a cow!” What does that mean anyway?! Well. I'm taking a stand. No more tipping this cow.


(Resolved)
I've decided to be a bully now. I have vowed to steal kids’ milk money. We're keeping our milk. We're denying you Double McWhoppers with cheese.


(Grows proud)
You might ask "Where's the beef?"  Well, I'm here to tell you it's right here!  Cowabunga!


(Cafe’ open mic night. Guy in cow costume comes on stage. Randy, Jenny, Frank etc are watching)


(MR MOO finishes his speech and walks off the stage and a woman, Bessie, stops him)


BESSIE
I liked your speech, I’m vegan… I practically live off of wheat grass… that almost makes me a cow too.


MR MOO
I grew up on a farm… I’ve seen things… terrible things. I had this pet calf once. Bottle fed her because her mother rejected her… she grew with me… but our farm was taken... then they took her from me.  I never really got over that.


BESSIE
That’s so sad.


MR MOO
It’s been my mission to rescue as many cows as possible since… I want to make it up to her. I rescue reject calves they dump… I take pictures and videos of bad conditions… I tell everyone who will listen.


BESSIE
You gave me a whole new outlook - I shouldn’t blame the cows.


MR MOO
No, never.


BESSIE
We blame the machine… the corporate machine… the consumers that drive it.


MR MOO
Right!


BESSIE
I love your passion… this world needs more champions. More people who care


MR MOO
Maybe you’d like to join my moooo-vement.


BESSIE
And you’re funny too. You’re… cow-tastic.


MR MOO
I hear they make a mean wheatgrass soy latte here.


BESSIE
That sounds yummy.


MR MOO
My treat.

(MR MOO and BESSIE exit to order counter)

GO TO PART 8
OR
GO TO MAIN MENU OF ALL SCENES

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LOSERS IN LOVE
By D. M. Larson

Copyright © 2016
All Rights Reserved

For permission to use this script, contact doug@freedrama.net


*Please do not repost the text of this play online in any way.*

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