Saturday, August 5, 2017

"Baklavia" full length comedy stage play Part 1

"Baklavia"

by D. M. Larson

Copyright (c) 2002

All Right Reserved

Cast of Characters

VENESA: [female] Young, college educated woman who leads Baklavia's fight for independence.

ECLESTRA: [f] Mother of Venesa who is strong-willed and behind her daughter in the peaceful struggle.

SAPHRIN: [f] Sour old worker at the factory who is often sarcastic and likes a good looking man.

REPORTER: (Rhonda Rhodes) [f]  British reporter who finds a way to make the Baklavian revolution work.

PARADIEZ: [male] Father of Venesa who is a bit slow yet strives to be a strong leader for Baklavia.

GENERAL: [m]  An old general that experienced the glory of battle a long, long time ago.

KANDID: (Clint Kandid) [m]  Photographer from National Geographic who likes the ladies and loves his camera.

BOLONIOUS: [m]  Younger brother of Paradiez and business manager for the factory who knows more about coffee than finances.

CLENIOUS: [m]  Strange cousin of Venesa who works at the factory and loves to make up songs.

FLEMULOUS: [m] Worker at the factory who brings in news from the outside world.

TAXER: [m]  Delivers tax notices and becomes the Greek government representative in the conflict with the factory.

UN: (United Nations representative) [f]  Brings an odd relief package for the factory.

DOCTOR: [f]  Becomes lost on the way to a medical convention and ends up helping the wounded.

THE SOLDIERS:

LIEUTENANT [f]: Unsure leader of the troops
CAPTAIN [f]: By the book, overseer of the operation
FLO: [f] Loves a good joke
MOE: [m] Thinks he's too cool to be a soldier
JOE: [m] Along for the ride

Time and Place

A small, isolated pastry factory in present day Northern Greece.

***

SCENE 1

(Lights come up on a simple factory that makes pastries.  
This pastry factory is in a small corner of Northern 
Greece and is somewhat isolated between the hills that 
surround it.  The owners and workers enjoy this isolation 
and the only contact they care to have is when they sell 
their pastries.  Lights come up when there is some loud 
knocking at the main entrance R.  PARADIEZ enters 
sleepily from upstairs doorway UC)

PARADIEZ
I'm coming.  I'm coming.  Quit your knocking.  I hear you.

TAXER
(Calling)
I've been knocking forever.

PARADIEZ
(Opens door)
Not possible.  Forever is a very long time.
(Pulls TAXER in)
Come in.  Come sit down.  Bit early for customers, but no matter.
(Goes for plate of pastries on counter)

TAXER
Well, you see, I'm not...

PARADIEZ
Here is our sampler plate.  These are all of our best pastries.  Enjoy.

TAXER
(Looks at pastries)
I will.  Thank you.

PARADIEZ
So how did you hear about our pastry factory?  


TAXER
Well, I...

PARADIEZ
No, let me guess.
(TAXER relaxes)
You heard our ad on the radio?
(TAXER nods while chewing)
Wonderful.  Cousin Clenious was right.  A snappy tune would bring the customers in.  Let's see, how does it go?
(To tune of "Beverly Hillbillies")
"Well, come to our store to get yourself fed; 
Our wonderful pastries come in blue, brown, and red..."  Or something like that.  Isn't that clever?

TAXER
Oh, yes.  Quite.

PARADIEZ
I'm so glad we brought him back with us from America.  See, that's where I'm from, if you couldn't tell.

TAXER
Your English is very good.

PARADIEZ
So is yours.

TAXER
I studied in England.

PARADIEZ
So did I.  Wow.  Small world.  

TAXER
(Enjoying pastries.  Willing to let PARADIEZ ramble)
Yes.


PARADIEZ
England. That's where I met my wife.  She's from Greece like you.  At first we lived in America but the pastry business wasn't so hot there so we decided to move to my wife's birthplace.  And business has been good, not wonderful, but good.  I worry about my daughter though.  I think she really misses the old US of A.  I think she'd really like to go back again.
(TAXER is eating still)
I'm sorry I must be boring you.  So how do you like our pastries?

TAXER
Incredible.  Never had any like them.

PARADIEZ
(Goes for order pad)
How many can I wrap up for you?

TAXER
(Nervous)
Well, I... didn't come to buy pastries.

PARADIEZ
How's that again?

PARADIEZ
I'm here with a notice from the government.
(Holds out a paper)

PARADIEZ
You mean you sat there the whole time and didn't tell me why you were here?

TAXER
You didn't ask.  And those pastries were quite good....

PARADIEZ
You thief!  Get out!  Now!

TAXER
The government says I can't go until I deliver this letter.  

PARADIEZ
Sorry.  I don't want it.

TAXER
What do you mean you don't want it?

PARADIEZ
If it's from the government, I don't want it.  It can't be anything worth hearing.  They never buy my pastries.  They have never had any use for my factory except when they want to tax it.  And I have paid my taxes, so good-bye.
(Proceeds to push him out)

TAXES
(Struggles)
You haven't!

PARADIEZ
(Stops)
Haven't what?

TAXES
(Gives paper)
Paid your taxes.
(Turns to go)
Good-bye.

PARADIEZ
(Reads paper)
What?!!  This can't be!
(Grabs TAXER)
Don't you move from this spot 'til I find out what's going on.

TAXER
It seems pretty clear to me.  You paid the old tax.  There's a new one.  Pay the difference.  Good day.

PARADIEZ

(Picks up a pastry gun)
Freeze, Tax Person.  Don't make another move.  I'm serious here.

TAXER
(Hardly upset)
Look.  I had a job to do.  I did it.  I didn't make the tax, you know.  


PART 2 COMING SOON!

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