Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Free Children's Monologues - updated list of child actor solo stage play scripts - best monologues for kids

Here is a list of great Free Monologues 
for Young Adults and Kids



(one actor plays for children and school age performers)




"Cassandra" - Short Comedic Monologue from Published Script- Female (1 minute)


"Protecto (Kid Hero)" - Comedy Monologue- Male or Female (2 minutes)



"Wishing" - Monologue- Female (1-2 minutes)


"The Not So Perfect Child" - Monologue- Female (2-3 minutes)


"Dreaming of Dragons" - Monologue for Kids - Male or Female (45 seconds to 1 minute)


"No Witnesses" - Dramatic Monologue for Kids - Male or Female (1-2 minute)



"Humpty Dumpty Private Egg Hard-Boiled Detective" - Comedic Monologue from Published Script- Male (2 minutes)



"Goodbye Cruel World" - Comedy monologue for male or female adapted from the play "Gingerbread Girl" (1-2 minutes)



"Growing Up is Hard to Do" - Short Comedic Monologue from the play "Between Good and Evil" - Male (1 minute) - link goes to Freedrama blog



"Bones the Pirate Girl" - Comedy monologue for kids - Female (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog



"Dear God" - Short Monologue-Male or Female (3-4 minutes)



"Little Pirate" - Monologue for Kids - Female (1 minute)



"Alien Goo" - Comedic Monologue from Published Script- Male (1 minute)



"Catchick" - Short Comedic Monologue from the play "Superhero Support Group" - Female (30 seconds to 1 minute) - link goes to Freedrama blog



"Staying Power" - Short Monologue from the play "To Be A Star" - Female (1 minute) - link goes to Freedrama blog



"The Big Bad Wolf" - Comedy monologue from the play "Holka Polka" - Male or Female (1 minute) - link goes to Freedrama blog



"Good Deeds and Such" - Comedy monologue from the play "Holka Polka" - Female (90 seconds) - link goes to Freedrama blog



"Ode to the Squished" Short dramedy (over-dramatic comedy) monologue - Male or Female (30 seconds) - link goes to Freedrama blog



"My Whipping Boy" - Monologue for Female - child, kid, teen (new) - link goes to the Freedrama blog



"Sunset Princess" - Monologue for Female - child, kid, teen (new) - link goes to the Freedrama blog



"Empty Buckets" - Monologue for child, kid - Male (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog





Find updated lists of monologues at:

http://www.freedrama.net/small1.html 

http://www.freedrama.net/small1k.html

http://www.freedrama.net/small1t.html (monologues for teens)




Thursday, February 26, 2015

Royalty Fees Update... Read This For A Special Discount

The royalty fees have changed on the plays to $20 per performances and $10 per performance for schools, non-profits and fund raisers.

And if you are a loyal reader of this blog, then I will let you perform any play at a discount.  Post in the comments below which play you would like to use, what kind of theatre group you are and I will give you a lower price.  Sometimes you might even get to perform it for free (especially if you are raising money for a good cause).

And you can still use any play script for free if it is for the classroom, workshop, audition or competition.  Just email a request to doug@freedrama.net or post the request in the comments below.

Thank you and enjoy the plays on http://www.freedrama.net!

Sincerely,
Doug Larson




Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Best Monologues from Published Plays - free solo stage scripts

free comedy monologues solo stage play scripts from published plays

These monologues are from the published play "My William Shatner Man Crush" available on Amazon.com:

"A Thing for Nerds" - Comedy monologue - Female (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Masked Man" - Comedic Monologue - Female (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Death by Dollars" - Short Comedic Monologue - Male (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"My William Shatner Man Crush" - Comedy Monologue for Male (new) - link goes to the Freedrama blog

"Steam Train" - Monologue for male or female (2 minutes) - link goes to Freedrama blog


Monologues from the play "Ghosts of Detention"

"I Need Detention" - Teen Male

"The Girl Who Broke His Fingers" - Teen Female

"Wishing" - Female

"Big Zero" - Male

"Where's My Prince Charming?" - Female

free monologues from published play scripts stage solo

free monologues from published play

The following monologues are published in the book "Flowers in the Desert":

"The Not So Perfect Child" - Monologue- Female (2-3 minutes)

"Beauty and Perfection" - Short Monologue from a play - Female (1 minute)

"Piggy Princess" Monologue from a play - Female (1-2 minutes)

"Before You Punch Me" Monologue - Male (2 minutes)

"Sob Story" Monologue from a play - Female (1-2 minutes)

"Mess Things Up" Monologue from a play - Female (2+ minutes)

"First Words" Monologue from a play - Female (45 seconds to 1 minute)

"Waiting on the Bride" Monologue - Male (2-3 minutes)

"The Meaning of Life" - Romantic Monologue - Male (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"The Barn" - Short monologue - Male (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Farting is Such Sweet Sorrow" - Short comedy monologue - Male (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog


"Alien Goo" - Comedic Monologue from Published Script- Male (1 minute)

"Blessing in Disguise" - Comedy monologue from the play "Blinded by the Knight" - Female (1-2 minutes) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Catchick" - Comedic Monologue from Published Script- Female (30 sceonds)

"Dreaming of Dragons" - Monologue for Kids - Male or Female (45 seconds to 1 minute)

"Growing Up is Hard to Do" - Short Comedic Monologue from the play "Between Good and Evil" - Male (1 minute) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Protecto (Kid Hero)" - Comedic Monologue from Published Script- Male or Female (2 minutes)

"Kill First, Gloat Later" - Comedic Monologue - Male or Female (45 seconds to 1 minute) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Monologue from Another World" - Short Monologue - Male or Female (1 minute)

"Mugged in Metropolis" - Monologue- Female (1-2 minutes)

"Ready to be Shaped" - Monologue from the play "Between Good and Evil" - Male or Female (1.5 minutes) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Super Mess" - Monologue - Male or Female (45 seconds) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Ugly Mug" short monologue from the play "Blinded by the Knight" - (new) - link goes to the Freedrama blog

These monologues are published in the book "Between Good and Evil"


The following monologues are published in the book "Secrets of my Soul":

"Dear God" - Short Monologue-Male or Female (3-4 minutes)

"Ghosts I've Known" 5 Minute Monologue-Woman [html]
Shorter, more serious version * Slightly longer version with some humor (5 minutes)

"Demons" - Short Dramatic Monologue for male or female (3 minutes)

"Breaking Heart" - Monologue- Female (2 minutes)

"Dummy" - Monologue for a Male

"Pearls of Wisdom" Monologue-Woman
A play for mature actors (6-7 minutes)

"Hope" - Short Dramatic Monologue from Published Script- Female (1 minute)

"Fallen" - Short Dramatic Monologue from Published Script- Male (1 minute)

"Facing Death" - Monologue from Published Script- Male (1-2 minutes)


Monologues adapted from "The Weird, Wild and Wonderful Days of School" by D. M. Larson

"Fanny" Comedy monologue from a published play - Female (1 minute)

"My Mask" Monologue from a published play - Female (30 seconds)

"Flowers from Phil" - Short Comedic Monologue from Published Script- Male (1 minute)

"Master" - Comedic Monologue from Published Script- Male (2-3 minutes)

"School Newspaper" Comedy monologue from a published play - Female (1-2 minutes)

"Much Madness" Dramatic Monologue-Female (new)


Monologues adapted from other published plays by D. M. Larson

"Goodbye Cruel World" Comedy (over-dramatic) monologue from a published play - Male or Female (1 minute)

"Destroy Me" - Dramatic Monologue from Published Script- Male (1 minute)

"Stairway to Heaven" - Monologue from Published Script- Female (45 seconds to 1 minute)

"Bungled and Botched" - Monologue from Published Script- Male (30-45 seconds)

"Little Pirate" - Monologue for Kids - Female (1 minute)

"Humpty Dumpty Private Egg Hard-Boiled Detective" - Comedic Monologue from Published Script Holka Polka - Male (2 minutes)

"Perfectly Ugly" Monologue from a published play Holka Polka - Female (1+ minute)

"Free of the Evil" - Dramatic Monologue from the play "Holy Ground" - Male (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"Hungry for Death" - Dramatic Monologue from the play "Holy Ground" - Male (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"I Was Never Important" - Dramatic Monologue from the play "Holy Ground" - Female (new) - link goes to Freedrama blog

"The Monster" (aka "Trust in God?" - Dramatic monologue for female adapted from the play "Holy Ground" (new) - link goes to the Freedrama blog


Shakespeare and Love A SHORT ROMANTIC PLAY FOR TWO ACTORS (free duologue stage script)

Shakespeare and Love

A SHORT PLAY FOR TWO ACTORS BY D. M. LARSON FROM FREEDRAMA.NET

A professor MULIGAN rushes around a theatre trying to get ready for his class.  He plays some instrumental music to try and calm himself.  He adjusts his podium, strikes a pose and then gets nervous and adjusts the podium again.  He bumps in to his easel which has Shakespeare visuals on it.  He fixes the visuals, looks at his watch and then rushes back to the podium.  He realizes his folder is empty and rushes to his briefcase.  He pulls out a folder thick with notes.  He stands and JULIE walks up behind him.
JULIE
Hello professor.

MULIGAN drops all his papers.  Julie tries to supress a laugh.  She smiles at him kindly as he stands there looking sadly at the pile.
MULIGAN
Hello Julie.

Julie starts gathering papers.  
JULIE
Here, let me help you.

Muligan slowly bends down to help her.
MULIGAN
I'd be upset about them being out of order but they weren't in order anyway.  I dropped them on the way here.

JULIE
Oh dear.

MULIGAN
I'm so nervous about this lecture.

JULIE
Then why are you giving it?

MULIGAN
Good question.

JULIE
You're always doing stuff like this but you don't seem to enjoy it that much.

MULIGAN
And yet you come to every one.

JULIE
I enjoy it.

MULIGAN
You do?

JULIE
Yeah.

MULIGAN
Thank you.

JULIE
For what?

MULIGAN
It's nice to hear someone likes it.

JULIE
I'm sure lots of people do.

MULIGAN
But it's nice to hear someone say it.  And even better if they remember something from it.

JULIE
Like the true identity of William Shakespeare... Edward de Vere.

MULIGAN
Wow, you do really listen.  I mean I don't say that he's Edward conclusively, but...

Muligan is all excited but starts dropping his papers again.  Julie stops him by taking his hands in hers.  He stops at her touch and looks her in the eyes.
JULIE
I know... I've listened.

MULIGAN
You really have.  What's your favorite lecture?

JULIE
Romeo and Juliet of course.

MULIGAN
Two star crossed lovers.

JULIE
From totally different places... totally different lives... yet drawn together despite their differences.  

MULIGAN
Those stories have stood the test of time.  That's amazing literature... living literature that never dies.

JULIE
I love your passion.  That's why I come so often.  I can feel your excitement.

Muligan feels some different excitement looking at her and hearing the compliments.  He turns and takes his papers to the podium.
MULIGAN
Thank you.

Julie ducks under his arms between him and the podium.
JULIE
Want me to organize these for you?  I bet I could.  

Muligan sniffs her hair but then is shocked at himself and moves away.
MULIGAN
Um... sounds like a fun challenge.  Is is like Twelth's Night?  Trying to reunite the twins lost at sea.

JULIE
Or is it like the Tempest... lost in a storm and shipwrecked... on a podium?
Muligan holds up a piece of paper.
MULIGAN
Gentle breath of your my sails; Must fill, or else my project fails

Julie blows on his paper and his flies out of his hands.  They look at each other a moment and smile.  Julie picks up another paper and blows it away.
JULIE
"Blow, blow, thou winter wind; Thou are not so unkind as man's ingratitude."

MULIGAN
As You Like It.  Man's ingratitute... I get plenty of that here at the university. "Most friendship is feigning, most loving is folly."  Do you believe that?

JULIE
Not in the least.  Shakespeare says many things.  But we can't believe in Shakespeare.  Only each other.

MULIGAN
Not God?

JULIE
God wrote the play... we're the actors.

MULIGAN
"All the World's a Stage. And all the men and women merely players."

JULIE
Exactly.

MULIGAN
Or did Shakepeare believe men were gods?  "What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god."

JULIE
Hamlet was crazy... “Now, God be praised, that to believing souls gives light in darkness, comfort in despair.”

MULIGAN
Is Henry the Sixth a more reliable source than Hamlet?

JULIE
Henry was a real person.

MULIGAN
True... wow, you really have learned a lot about Shakespeare.

JULIE
I think a lot of people know about the King Henries.

MULIGAN
The quotes... the insight... I'm impressed.

JULIE
I learned it all from you.

MULIGAN
But no one else seems to have learned that much... I seem to be speaking in to the wind.  It is a tale told by an idiot. "Full of sound and fury. Signifying nothing."

JULIE
That's MacBeth. Not you.

MULIGAN
That's what it seems like though.  Nothing gets through.

JULIE
It does to me.  Is that enough?

MULIGAN
Maybe it is.
Muligan looks at Julie a long moment and she smiles back.

MULIGAN (CONT.)
"Speak low..."

JULIE
You got me there... don't recognize the quote.

MULIGAN
"Excellent wretch..."

JULIE
You're stuttering in Shakespeare.

MULIGAN
When does my lecture begin?

JULIE
Not for an hour.

MULIGAN
I'm not ready.

JULIE
Then cancel it.

MULIGAN
I can't.

JULIE
Why not?

MULIGAN
The university...

JULIE
Who cares...

She takes his face in her hands.
JULIE (CONT.)
What do you want?

He looks at her longingly and there is a long pause. 
MULIGAN
Happiness.  

Julie goes to the podium.

JULIE
Does this make you happy?

MULIGAN
It used to... but no so much anymore.

JULIE
Then find something that does.

MULIGAN
Oh happy dagger...

JULIE
I think Juliet was being ironic when she said that.

MULIGAN
Joy... that's what I need... some joy... "Joy, gentle friends, joy and fresh days of love..."

JULIE
Joy... and love.

MULIGAN
"A heart to love, and in that heart, Courage, to make’s love known."

JULIE
MacBeth.  Do you have the courage?

MULIGAN
I don't know if I do.

JULIE
"I know no ways to mince it in love, but directly to say ‘I love you’"

MULIGAN
Henry the Fifth. "You have witchcraft in your lips."

JULIE
Okay... bad choice... how about "I humbly do beseech of your pardon, For too much loving you"

MULIGAN
Othello doesn't end well either.

JULIE
I need a quote from a comedy.

MULIGAN
Nobody quotes the comedies...

JULIE
But you did... "Speak low if you speak love."

MULIGAN
You pretended you didn't know.

JULIE
You've used that quote a few times... I finally remembered it.

MULIGAN
So much for being subtile.

JULIE
Why be subtile?

MULIGAN
Should we be doing this?

JULIE
Shouldn't you be happy?

MULIGAN
Can I be happy?

JULIE
You can.

MULIGAN
I don't know how.

JULIE
Then let me teach you.

MULIGAN
How?

She takes his hands and moves close to him and strokes his hand.
JULIE
With a kiss.

MULIGAN
"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do."

Lights fade to black except for a light on the easel with the quote "If music be the food of love, play on".  Music plays louder.
FIN

*****

Find more short plays at http://www.freedrama.net/short.html

Find more plays for two actors at http://www.freedrama.net/small2.html


For permission to use this script, contact doug@freedrama.net (PLEASE include the title of the script in your request).

The play is FREE... if... and only if... your performance of the script is at no cost (i.e. classroom, workshop, audition or competition). When you use a script for free, I do ask a couple small things in return: www.freedrama.net/nocost.html

This script is COPYRIGHTED material. You are NOT allowed to repost the script online for any reason (even educational). You may create a link to the script, but do not republish or redistribute the text of the script in any way.

However, you may record your performance of the script and place the VIDEO online (as long as no text from the script is included). Please be professional and CREDIT the author D. M. Larson and the website Freedrama.net in the description and/or credits.

If you CHARGE admission, the ROYALTY fee is $80 for 1-4 performances. This royalty covers as many Freedrama scripts you wish to use during the same performance. If you are a school, non-profit or performing as a fund raiser, the royalty is only $40 for 1-4 performances.  

The royalty must be paid through PayPal.com using the email doug@freedrama.com or using the link http://www.freedrama.net/pay.html

All ARTWORK from the Freedrama website related to the script (i. e. posters) may be used for free for programs, posters and advertising of the script. Please credit artist Shiela Larson. If you would like art created by Shiela for your program, contact us at doug@freedrama.net
Thank you for selecting my script. HAVE FUN and enjoy the play.

Sincerely,
D. M. Larson







Saturday, February 21, 2015

Advice on monologue "A Thing for Nerds" solo comedy script for female - free online mini acting classes

Here are some tips for performing this popular comedy monologue for a woman:

Step 1: Read the whole play this monologue comes from: "My William Shatner Man Crush" and get to know the character of Jenny: http://freedrama.net/thingnerds.html

********

"A THING FOR NERDS" by D. M. Larson

(Jenny starts out with a smile, thinking happy thoughts about a guy she likes)

JENNY
I've always had a thing for nerds.

(She gets excited during this next part)

All kinds ... Geeky, Weirdo, Freak, Techie, Trekkie or Dork... you name it... I want to catch them all..

(She does a nerdy laugh but now she is embarrassed)

Sorry for the Pokemon reference... I am a bit of a nerd myself. Girl nerds are rare but we do exist.

(Thinks about happy memories and gets dramatic with the next part)

I hung out with nerd-lings as a kid. We played Dungeons and Dragons and I loved being dungeon master ...holding their fates in my hands.

(She plays up "holding their fates in my hands" and then does another nerdy laugh. She reflects more calmly now.)

It doesn't matter how pretty you are, just the fact you're female and like something nerdy makes you very attractive to them. Other kinds of guys could care less about me...

(She gets a big smile on her face and acts sexy)

But to nerds... I was hot.

(Pauses and then reflects on her past)

The more I hung out with boy nerds, the more I realized the power girls have over them... There's nothing they want more than First Contact with the female of their species.

(She says this dramatically and then ends with a flirty wink on "much")

But with great power comes great responsibility and I tried not to take advantage... Much.

(Says this next part with a tiny bit of anger and hurt from bad experiences in the past)

And the best thing about nerds is that they give you their full attention. Pretty boys are too worried about their looks and compete for fairest of them all... With pretty boys there is always a fight for the mirror. With tough guys and jocks... They always want praise or worship. It's all about them and they turn romance in to a competition ...

(Does a dumb guy, body builder impression) 

"Who is the lucky girl who gets me today?"

(Says this with love)

Nerds are the kindest kind of guy. They have the best hearts...

(Then she gets silly - it's hard for her to serious or romantic))

If you get past the over drawn comic book heroines and the overly aggressive Sci Fi babes...

(Gets loving again)

They really care about you and who you are.

You get a nerdy guy's full attention. The rest of the world slips away and you're his entire universe, because no Death Star, Tardis or warp drive is more exciting than a girl who gives him the time of day. That's why I like these guys... I feel special... important...

(Says this a little bit of sadness because she has been alone but also with hope for the future because she is in love with someone)

....and not alone anymore.

END

********
If you are performing this monologue in a competition, it is good to have a copy of the book to shw it is from a published play:


If you would like to use this monologue, contact doug@freedrama.net with the title "A Thing for Nerds" in your request.

********
For more monologues go to http://www.freedrama.net/small1.html

For more comedy monologues go to http://www.freedrama.net/small1c.html

Friday, February 20, 2015

"Love at the International Fusion Cafe" comedy script for 4 to 6 actors - PG version

I wrote this for my wife for Valentine's day this year.  Some of this has actually happened to us and draws from our real life wacky experiences.

This is an adapted PG version of the script.  For the original PG-13 version, click here: http://freedramaplays.blogspot.com/2015/02/love-at-international-fusion-cafe_20.html

Waiters can be either gender and even be two actors doing multiple costumes.

For permission to use this play contact doug@freedrama.net (please in the title "Love at the International Fusion Cafe" in your request)

****

"Love at the International Fusion Cafe"
by D. M. Larson

Mario leads Mel and Nell to a table in the restaurant.

Mario
Welcome to the International Fusion Cafe where we bring a tour of the world to your taste buds. Have you ever dined with us before?

Mel
I have. She hasn't.

Mario
Let me enlighten the seƱorita to our ways.

Nell
This isn't some weird cult you are making me join is it?

Mel
You wanted unique. I am giving you the unique-est.

Mario
This is like a buffet but instead of you getting your foods, we bring the foods to you.

(He gets a plate)

Mario (Cont.)
We will bring some food like so.... I call it "That's a spicy meatball!" And if you like it, we serve it to you.

Nell
Interesting... Lay some meatballs on me Mario.

Mario
You sir?

Mel
Cows and I don't get along. I will pass.

Mario
It may not be cows in the meatball. I'm not sure.

Nell
You don't know? I will pass too. Don't bother sending Luigi with any mushrooms. I hate those too.

(Mario leaves in a huff)

Mel
Weird eh?

(Batman appears)

Nell
No, not at all.

Batman
Would the lady enjoy some fried bat wings?

Nell
Ewwww... No.

Mel
They're chicken wings...

(Batman gives him some)

Mel
At least I think so.

Batman
They taste like chicken.

Nell
Fine. I will nibble on a bat wing or two. I can pretend I am Ozzy Osborne.

Mel
They should call it the Ozzy special.

Nell
I thought you didn't like Ozzy...

Mel
Not really...

Nell
Why won't you give my music a chance?

Mel
Ozzy isn't music. It's noise.

Nell
Hey!

Mel
Just kidding... And besides, aren't you too young to like ozzy?

Nell
I like the classics. The Doors, Pink Floyd.

(Mel rolls his eyes)

Nell
Don't roll your eyes at Pink Floyd. I am trying your bizarre restaurant.

(A mime passes through being pulled on an invisible rope. Nell stands up)

Nell (Cont.)
You better try my music... Or I am leaving.

Mel
Sit down. I will listen to your music. I promise.

(Nell looks very pleased with herself and sits)

Nell
Good.

Mel
Why do you do that?

Nell
What?

Mel
Pretend to throw a fit to get your way. I thought you were serious.

Nell
I was serious.

Mel
Was that really worth making a scene about?

Nell
Maybe. It was fun.

Mel
For you maybe.

Nell
You need to lighten up. That's my mission in life. To lighten your load.

Mel
You do actually.

Nell
Really?

Mel
Yeah.

Nell
Tell me about it.

Mel
Huh?

Nell
Share with me. Open up. Tell me what you like about me.

Mel
Here? Now?

Nell
Now... Or the mime gets it.

(Points an imaginary weapon at mime as he approaches)

Mel
Crossbow! Nice.

(Mime lowers her imaginary weapon and holds out a covered plate)

Nell
French food maybe?

(Mime nods and opens dish. It's empty)

Mel
Oh good. Its their low calorie menu.

(Mime does a silent laugh and gets a real plate)

Nell
French bread?

(Mime nods)

Nell
How clever.

(They both take some. They eat quietly. Mel looks at her happily)

Nell (Cont.)
You're too quiet. Say something nice to me.

Mel
I think a lot of nice things...

Nell
Then say them to me.

Mel
I get shy.

Nell
I know and that's so cute. Darn you.

Mel
Ok... Something nice. Here goes...

(Clown enters)

Clown
'Ello governor

(Mel jumps)

Mel
Ah! When did you guys get a clown?

Clown
I'm new.

Nell
You're not very... Silly.

Clown
I am one of them sad clowns.

Nell
Sad indeed.

Clown
Quite.

Mel
Why are you British?

Clown
Cause clowns originated in England. The first clown was portrayed by Joseph Grimaldi in the early 1800s...

Nell
You clowns tell the funniest stories.

Mel
You got any good to go with your delightful history lesson?

Clown
Fish and chips.

Nell
Do the British eat anything else?

Clown
Not really ma'am, no.

(Clown leaves)

Nell
A very sad clown indeed... And your not off the hook. Share some feelings.... Now!

Mel
Ok... Uh... Well...

Nell
Oh never mind. Don't hurt yourself.

Mel
I really want to... I really do... You mean a lot to me and I want you to know that. I mean I have never been so happy in my life. You have made everything so much better. I look forward to every day I get to be with you. I want to tell you all that. I just can't seem to do it.

Nell
You just did.

(She sits on his lap and gives him a hug and a kiss)

Mel
I am very happy now too.

Nell
I can tell.

Mel
How embarrassing.

Nell
Is that guy in the kilt serving haggis?

Mel
Haggis! Awesome. The national food of Scotland. You're Scottish aren't you? How come you never wear a kilt?

Nell
You'd like that huh? But that means I would be a guy.

Mel
I wouldn't like that.

Nell
I have always wanted to go to Scotland. Wouldn't that be a great place for out honeymoon?

Mel
What?

Nell
Scotland... Travel... Fun.

Mel
No, the other part.

Nell
What?

Mel
You said our honeymoon.

Nell
I did?

Mel
Yes.

Nell
No, I didn't.

Mel
Little early to be talking about honeymoons... We haven't even discussed weddings yet... Or engagements.

Nell
Can we talk about something else?

Mel
Uh... Ok... I mean... I don't mind talking about it but if you don't want to.

Nell
I don't.

(Silence. Mime comes by with food... He tries to get their attention with invisible flowers but they are quiet and ignore him. He tries harder but Nell takes his invisible flowers he is playing with, wads then in to a ball and throws them. He leaves in frustration)

Nell
I am curious though...

Mel
Yes?

Nell
Would you marry me?

Mel
Are you proposing?

Nell
What? No!

Mel
But you said "would you marry me?"

Nell
Stop putting words in my mouth.

Mel
I wouldn't say no.

Nell
Really?

Mel
Really.

Nell
Oh.

Mel
Yeah.

Nell
Wanna get out of here?

Mel
Yes.

Nell
Let's go.

(Mime comes up and stops them and holds out an invisible bill. Mel takes out an invisible check book. Writes the check, rips it out and gives invisible check to mime. They wave at him and they leave. He is sad and does a silent fit. Nell returns and shoots him with her invisible cross bow. Mime falls down dead)

Mel
If a tree falls in the Forest and falls on a mime, does anyone care?

Nell
That's deep.

Mel
Quite.

(They laugh. Batman goes up to the mime)

Batman
A mime is a terrible thing to waste.



END

****

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