Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Hysterical History of Cleopatra Scene 1 free stage play script

The Hysterical History of Cleopatra
By D. M. Larson


***

Copyright (c) 2017
All Rights Reserved*
*Please do NOT repost the text of this play online

For permission to perform the play contact doug@freedrama.net


***


CAST OF CHARACTERS
9 or more actors
(as few as 7 with doubling)
2-4 females and 4-6 of any gender
(in order of appearance)


SHU - head of marketing


BABI* - marketing assistant


GEB* - marketing assistant


NUT - marketing assistant that loves snakes


SIRI - Information specialist who wears something like a mysterious cloak with an Apple symbol. She does not like Alexa.


ALEXA - Information specialist who can have an Amazon symbol on her cloak or have an Amazonian look to her. She does not like Siri.


CLEOPATRA** - the Queen of Egypt - need I say more?


SERVANT** - Cleopatra’s administrative assistant


*SIRI’s actor can play CLEOPATRA and ALEXA can play SERVANT if needed - if they double SIRI can have a wig, hood or mask that hides her face so we can easily become CLEOPATRA in the next scene)


BABI and GEB’s lines can be divided up between other actors if more are available
(This is an interactive play with audience participation. Before the play begins, some of the actors should practice the following with the audience.  NUT is the chant leader but others in the cast can help. If extra actors are available, you can have someone appear with a sign with the audience phrases in bold)


When NUT cues you with “Cleopatra” say - “All hail Cleopatra!”
When NUT gets excited about snakes, go “Hiss!”
When Alexander the Great is mentioned say, “He’s grrreat!”
When you hear “Little Caesar” say “Pizza! Pizza!”


SCENE 1


SHU
Thank you all for coming. We have a major PR problem here. The Ptolemy family is a royal pain in the Nile and we have to do something about it.


BABI
How we long for the days of Alexander the Great.


AUDIENCE
He’s grrreat!


SHU
Things were great then.


GEB
The Ptolemies had to go and ruin it all. They are a bunch of greedy, self-centered rulers with no concern for the common people.


NUT
What ruler has ever cared about the people?


GEB
Siri? Were any of the pharaohs good to the people?


SIRI
Ramesses II is considered the most successful Pharaoh in Egyptian history making Egypt very rich and prosperous.


BABI
How about you, Alexa? Can you top that?


ALEXA
Queen Hatshepsut achieved a peaceful rule over a prosperous Egypt for over 20 years and created many public works programs that benefited the people.


SHU
The people are very restless under Ptolemy rule. Perhaps it is time for a queen again.


GEB
A queen? Really?


SHU
Indeed. At long last, I believe we have a Ptolemy we can get behind. Her name is… Cleopatra.


(NUT and other cast members get the audience to cheer)


AUDIENCE
All hail Cleopatra!


SIRI
Cleopatra has been joint ruler with her father Ptolemy XII Auletes and then with her brothers Ptolemy XIII and XIV.


BABI
The guys keep dying though.


GEB
They were holding Cleopatra back.


BABI
Why support any of the Ptolemies? They are proud Greeks and refuse to even learn the Egyptian language.


ALEXA
Cleopatra is fluent in Egyptian and Greek as well as 7 other languages. She is the first Ptolemy to learn our language.


SIRI
She says she is the reincarnation of the Egyptian goddess Isis.


BABI
Is that true?


ALEXA
Isis is the goddess of health, marriage and wisdom…


SHU
Never mind, Alexa. The important thing is that we finally have a Queen we can support. And we need to make this work. With the Roman armies growing in power, we have to make ourselves strong again or we’ll be overrun.


SIRI
The Roman armies are led by Julius Caesar.


ALEXA
He wishes to reunite the lands once ruled by Alexander the Great.


AUDIENCE
He’s grrreat.


SHU
Without a united Egypt under a strong ruler, I’m afraid Rome will conquer us. So I have gathered all of you here to develop a PR campaign to get the people behind our Queen.


BABI
Let’s start with a branding campaign. We’ll come up with a new slogan and a cool logo.


NUT
What about something with snakes?


AUDIENCE
Hisssss!


NUT
I love snakes.


BABI
No snakes.


GEB
We can do something with the whole Isis angle. Let’s play up the whole Egyptian goddess reincarnation idea.


BABI
I’ll write some speeches in Egyptian that she can address to the people.


SHU
I’ll schedule some rallies around Egypt. We’ll want to get her out with the people.


GEB
Parades! We must have a grand parade all around Egypt. She’ll arrive at every major city in style.


BABI
And we’ll end with a river cruise back down the Nile to Alexandria.


SIRI
One of Cleopatra’s favorite places there is the Royal Library of Alexandria which is one of the most important libraries in the world where many famous scholars have studied.


SHU
We can end the tour at the library and solidify her image as a wise ruler who will guide her nation with intelligence. Let’s go to work, people.


SIRI
Most of the books in the library are written on papyrus scrolls made from the papyrus plant.


ALEXA
The library was created by Ptolemy I and contains an estimated 400,000 scrolls and books.


SIRI
Ptolemy I is said to be a descendant of Heracles.


ALEXA
Alexandria is named in honor of Alexander the Great.


AUDIENCE
He’s grrrreat!


NUT
Will you two give it a rest?

END OF SCENE


***

Copyright (c) 2017
All Rights Reserved*
*Please do NOT repost the text of this play online

For permission to perform the play contact doug@freedrama.net

***

Hysterical History of Cleopatra Scene 2 free stage play script

Hysterical History of Cleopatra
by D. M. Larson

SCENE 2

***

Copyright (c) 2017
All Rights Reserved*
*Please do NOT repost the text of this play online

For permission to perform the play contact doug@freedrama.net

***

If necessary, practice again with audience for upcoming cheers:
All hail Cleopatra
Hiss!
He’s grrreat!

SCENE 2

SHU
The tour was a huge success.  Thank you all for all your support on this wonderful achievement. Cleopatra has the entire country talking. She is Egypt's new sweetheart.

GEB
They are carving her name on everything.

BABI
You should see all the statues they’re making.

NUT
We should make shirts with her picture on them.

GEB
No one would ever wear a shirt with a picture of someone on it.

NUT
It seems like something everyone would love shirts like that.

BABI
That will never catch on.

NUT
It would be so much easier than carrying around a statue.

SHU
I have some exciting news. Cleopatra herself is coming to thank all of you for your hard work.

BABI
Really?  This is so exciting. I wish you had told us sooner. I want to look my best for her.

GEB
Actually you don’t want to look nicer than her. She doesn’t like it.

BABI
How can you look nicer than her?  She’s so beautiful.

SHU
Because we were so successful with our last campaign, she is going to ask us to help with a new task.  

BABI
Another challenge.  I’m ready.

NUT
I don’t know if I am. I’m a little worn out from the last one.

GEB
I am honored to work for her again.

NUT
You would be.

GEB
What is that supposed to mean?

NUT
I saw the way you followed Cleopatra around everywhere during our last campaign. That was embarrassing.

GEB
That’s what we were supposed to do! Where were you?

NUT
I was busy… thinking.

GEB
That does take you a bit longer than the rest of us.

SHU
Focus, people. Our next task will not be an easy one.

BABI
What is it?  Can you give us a little hint?

SHU
I believe it has something to do with Rome.

GEB
Oh dear. That’s not good.

BABI
I hear Julius Caesar will be visiting.

NUT
Or invading.

SHU
Now let’s not the rumors get the best of us.

GEB
Here she comes!

(Everyone scrambles to get in position to greet CLEOPATRA - CLEOPATRA enters with one or more SERVANTS)

ALL
All hail Cleopatra!
(AUDIENCE TOO)

(GEB goes to kiss CLEOPATRA’S hand but SERVANT blocks the way)

CLEOPATRA
Thank you good people for all your amazing work on the tour of Egypt. It was a blessing to connect with my people in such a personal way.

SHU
The honor was ours.

CLEOPATRA
Now I have a much bigger challenge for all of you. As you may have heard, the Roman Emperor, Julius Caesar, is coming to Egypt. He brings an army… (dramatic pause as everyone looks at each other nervously) ...but I do not wish to have a war. I want to speak to Caesar alone but his generals will not allow a private meeting. But I am a much better negotiator one-on-one. I have a way with words that works better in more intimate settings. So my task for all of you is to find a way for me to be alone with Caesar so he can appreciate the full depth of my negotiation skills.

SHU
We will do our best to find a way to make this happen for you.

CLEOPATRA
Do not fail me good people. You must find a way. Egypt’s fate rests on this meeting. Rome and Egypt must stay at peace for the good of our people. War will only hurt us and destroy all the good we’ve done for Egypt.

(CLEOPATRA leaves with SERVANT)

ALL with AUDIENCE
All hail Cleopatra.

BABI
Rome is bringing an army?

GEB
This is terrible.

SHU
Let’s not panic, people. We have a mission. We have to find a way to get Cleopatra alone with Caesar.

NUT
What if we get some snakes…

AUDIENCE
Hisss!

GEB
What is it with you and snakes?

(NUT pouts and exits)

SHU
I’m looking at Caesar’s schedule during his visit… He has some alone time on the second evening in his quarters.

BABI
We can have her waiting for him.

SHU
It will be guarded. His soldiers will not allow it.

GEB
We can sneak her in somehow.

BABI
She can hide in something.

GEB
What would be big enough?

(NUT enters with a carpet)

BABI
A carpet!

GEB
Let’s try.

(They roll out the carpet)

BABI
Lie down.

(They stick NUT inside)

GEB
Roll it up.

(They roll NUT up inside)

SET
Perfect.

GEB
Then her servants can roll her out dramatically like this.

(They roll out carpet and NUT lands in a weird position)

BABI
I imagine she’ll come out of there much more gracefully than that.

NUT
Ow.

GEB
Let’s try again.

(They put NUT back in)

SHU
I think this will work. Excellent work people. Let’s go share this with Cleopatra.

(They all exit - NUT is still in the carpet)

NUT
Hey? Anybody there? Hey!

(They rush back in and roll out NUT who tries to come out more gracefully this time)

END OF SCENE

GO TO PART 3

***

Copyright (c) 2017
All Rights Reserved*
*Please do NOT repost the text of this play online

For permission to perform the play contact doug@freedrama.net

***