It is from the play "Flowers in the Desert"
Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org for permission to use this monologue and include the title "I Can't Stop" in the request.
"I CAN'T STOP" by D. M. Larson
Homeless kids aren't homeless because they want to be. Homeless kids are usually ones that aren't wanted. Either their parents died or they left them. Oh, sure there's foster homes but they don't really want you either. If they did, why would they keep getting rid of me?
I didn't always have a home. I lived on the streets a little while. And surprise, there were lots of kids there with me. People never thought we were homeless even though we weren't dressed nice. Kids never dress nice anyway. And sometimes we'd even get a five finger discount on something nice from a store. That's how I got caught. I hadn't been out there very long when they got me. Some kids are out there forever. They learn how to survive. I didn't.
They gave me a choice. Come here to the Happy Rancher or go to jail. Sarge even came down to visit with me.
He told me about the Happy Rancher and despite the stupid name it sounded kinda cool. And he did something most people never did for me. He asked me what I wanted. He really wanted to know what he could help me do for myself. I just broke down and cried. It seemed like I cried forever.
I'd finally found someone who cared.
(Realizes she's just spilled her guts to a stranger and makes a total turn around)
Oh, man, what am I saying. You must think I'm a total dork.
Real sob story, huh?
(Sam laugh turns to a cry... starts crying)
I guess that's why I'm crying. Such a sad pathetic story.
(Sadness slowly turns to anger)
That's me . Sad and pathetic. I have been most of my life... Until now. I finally had something good. But then I had to go and destroy it.
I've ruined everything with Sarge.
How could I be so stupid?!
Why do I always do this? Why do I always mess things up.
I get something good then I ruin it.
(Kicks something handy)
I always have to go and spoil things for people. I just try to have a little fun... but... I don't know when to stop. I keep playing... like a little kid who tells a funny joke over and over. They keep saying it 'cause it was funny once so it should be funny a bunch of times. Then when it's not funny any more, they don't know how to quit. They keep trying, hoping it will still be funny. They keep on joking until someone gets mad and... hurts you.
I'm always playing games. I can't stop.
(She has trouble speaking)
I... can't... stop.
(SAM gains control again)
I always hurt someone. My daddy left because of me.
He did. I found a letter he wrote my mama. He said he didn't want to be tied down by a kid.
Mama said it was for the best.
But I ran Mama off too. She had better things to do than to sit around playing my games.
(Looks at house)
And I'm still playing my little games. I should have listened to you. You got a good head. You stopped playing games when you were two or three I bet. Adults always like you... Me? I get 'em to like to hate me. Get 'em so worked up they want nothing but to have me gone.
You gotta admit, I do it well.
(Sits. Trying to control her crying)
I'm sure you've got better things to do than listen to me.
(SAM looks away)
I wanna be alone okay? Please ... Go. Run far away... Like everyone else.
END OF SCENE
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