“It’s Just Right”
Comedy Monologue for Male by D. M. Larson
From the published play “A Little Private Education”
(LUKE runs a private school out of his home and it is paid for by a wealthy woman named Mrs. Poke who is coming to visit him this evening. Mrs. Poke has hinted at wanting to have more than a business relationship with him)
(Rushing around. Steps on something)
Aw! Another crayon! I'll never get this place clean. Mrs. Poke will think I'm running a pig stye.
(Steps on another crayon)
Aw! Die evil crayon.
(Stomps crayon to death)
I feel much better now. I hope everything is okay in here. I want it to be comfortable for her.
(Pulls out something from the school)
But I want it to look like a school.
(Pulls out something else from the school)
A really good school.
(Pulls out more)
Now it's a mess again.
Music. That's what we need.
(Turns on. Tunes. Hard rock)
(Tunes. Easy listening. Dances to it funny)
Ew! Not that.
(Tunes . 70's Disco. Does a Saturday Night Fever impression)
I can feel the polyester already. (Tunes)
There must be something Mrs. Poke would like.
Not too loud. Not too soft. Not too suggestive. And to quote that famous philosopher Goldilocks, "It’s just right.”
(Knock at door)
Here she is. Breathe, Luke, breathe.
(Goes for door)
(Opens door. He sees Mrs. Poke who is in a sexy outfit)
Uh… Wow… I mean… Uh… ... hi.
END OF SCENE
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