“Sign of the Times” by D. M. Larson
RICHIE
This is my first job and I have to say this is a dream come true. I get to listen to music and dance the day away. "Cash for Gold! Don't get stuck in the cold!" I made that up myself. And I love that I'm getting paid to do this. I wonder if they'll pay me in gold?
(RANDY enters with sign that says “BIG TAX REFUNDS”)
RANDY
"You can now relax, because we help with your tax."
RICHIE
Hey, this is my corner.
RANDY
Our stores are right next to each other. They use the same parking lot. This corner belongs to both of us.
RICHIE
I was here first.
RANDY
We're not competing. In fact we can work together. We can be on the same side... a team. They can bring their gold and then do their taxes. It ain't the same thing.
"Bring your gold and do your taxes - get more monies and then relaxes"
RICHIE
Bring your gold and do your taxes!
We're giving more money to the masses!
RANDY
I like it!
TOGETHER
Bring your gold and your taxes!
(DON enters with a sign that says “VOTE FOR BUMP”)
DON
Don't be a chump. Vote for Bump.
RICHIE
Hey this is our corner!
DON
Our campaign office is right there in the same strip mall. I can be here too.
RANDY
Now we're going to have to change the chant again.
RICHIE
No, I liked it the way it was. “Bring your gold and do your taxes!”
DON
Then vote for Bump who will lower your taxes.
RANDY
You can't rhyme taxes with taxes.
DON
Why not?
RANDY
I don't know... Because That's the rule.
RICHIE
See. It doesn't work. "Bring your gold and do your taxes."
DON
And If you're a terrorist then bump will kick your asses.
(NOTE: If actors can't say asses then DON can be cut off before asses is said)
RICHIE
No, no, no!
RANDY
I thought it was kind of catchy.
RICHIE
Why are you supporting Bump anyway? He's terrible. He's greedy, sexist and racist.
DON
It's a job okay? Besides what's so honorable about wanting more gold?
RICHIE
Whatever. I was here first so buzz off.
RANDY
I have an idea. What if we do a dance off and whoever wins gets this corner?
DON
Sounds fair.
RICHIE
But I was here first!
RANDY
You two are going down when you see my moves.
"Do your taxes and get money back. Get a refund and that ain't no smack."
DON
"Bump is the man who gets your vote. If he wins he will give you a ride on his fancy boat."
(RICHIE decides to join in)
RICHIE
"It's shiney and sparkles and never gets old. Let's here for the wonderful metal called gold."
RANDY
Oh yeah I win!
DON
What? I totally killed it.
RICHIE
You two were terrible with a Capital T. My corner now. Bye bye.
RANDY
No way! My corner!
DON
You can't push us around. This is a free country. Besides I won fair and square. My corner!
(Homeless kid, ANNIE, wakes up)
ANNIE
Will you all keep it down?! I'm trying to sleep.
RICHIE
Did that pile of trash just speak?
RANDY
I don't think that's a pile of trash.
DON
It's moving.
ANNIE
I'm not an it. I'm a me. Now can't you see I'm trying to sleep!
RICHIE
Near the sidewalk?
RANDY
By a busy intersection?
DON
Without a pillow?
ANNIE
I have a pillow.
(ANNIE holds up something very strange looking)
ANNIE (CONT.)
I have no clue what it is but it is soft.
RICHIE
And stinky.
ANNIE
I can't really tell. All the smells just kind of blend together.
RICHIE
I see what you mean.
(ANNIE goes up to DON)
ANNIE
Bump? The billionaire? Is he running for president?
DON
Geez. Where have you been? Everyone knows that.
ANNIE
He'll win too. He can buy himself anything he wants. That must be nice. I'd buy me a double bacon burger with cheese if I had a billion bucks.
RANDY
What are doing out here sleeping on the street?
ANNIE
If slept in the street I'd be dead. I'm sleeping under the laundromat vents - it's nice and warm
RANDY
But you're just a kid.
DON
Are you homeless?
RICHIE
Isn't there so “P-C” term for that? Housing challenged?
ANNIE
Don't turn me in ok? Them foster homes is way worse than this. I don't like being locked up or beat up so I'm fed up and living on my own
RANDY
Can we help?
ANNIE
Gotta a dollar?
DON
No.
RANDY
Come on. Why don't we all chip in a buck and get her a burger?
DON
I ain't giving her something for nothing. People need to work for it. No handouts.
RICHIE
You really are a bump supporter.
DON
I guess his message is sinking in.
RANDY
It's just a dollar.
RICHIE
Today a dollar. Tomorrow two dollars. Then a car and house.
RANDY
That would be terrible if homeless people had homes.
DON
You know what he means. You can't give people something for nothing.
RANDY
Fine. If she holds our signs for a while then we can buy her a burger.
RICHIE
Sounds fair.
DON
Fine... Hey, kid. Hold our signs for us and we'll buy a burger.
ANNIE
Really?
(They give her the signs)
RANDY
Really! Isn't that cool?
ANNIE
Geez wiz mister. That's swell.
RICHIE
But you have to dance around a little. Get people's attention.
DON
Don’t just stand there. Move around with the signs.
ANNIE
Like this?
(Annie runs off with the signs)
RICHIE
Hey! What are you doing?
DON
She just stole our signs!
RANDY
I’ll get fired if I lose my sign again!
(They run off - ANNIE re-enters other side without the signs. She sees one of them left a backpack - she looks inside and finds a lunch - and sits and opens it and eats some of the food happily)
ANNIE
My corner.
END OF PLAY
(A homeless kid, ANNIE, is sleeping up stage / hopefully unnoticed until later. Actors can be wearing silly costumes such as Randy can be dressed as Uncle Sam or the Statue of Liberty - Richie can be wearing gold chains and rings - Don can be wearing an oversized suit and silly blonde wig. RICHIE enters with a sign that says something like “CASH FOR GOLD” or “MONEY FOR METAL”)
RICHIE
This is my first job and I have to say this is a dream come true. I get to listen to music and dance the day away. "Cash for Gold! Don't get stuck in the cold!" I made that up myself. And I love that I'm getting paid to do this. I wonder if they'll pay me in gold?
(RANDY enters with sign that says “BIG TAX REFUNDS”)
RANDY
"You can now relax, because we help with your tax."
RICHIE
Hey, this is my corner.
RANDY
Our stores are right next to each other. They use the same parking lot. This corner belongs to both of us.
RICHIE
I was here first.
RANDY
We're not competing. In fact we can work together. We can be on the same side... a team. They can bring their gold and then do their taxes. It ain't the same thing.
"Bring your gold and do your taxes - get more monies and then relaxes"
RICHIE
Bring your gold and do your taxes!
We're giving more money to the masses!
RANDY
I like it!
TOGETHER
Bring your gold and your taxes!
(DON enters with a sign that says “VOTE FOR BUMP”)
DON
Don't be a chump. Vote for Bump.
RICHIE
Hey this is our corner!
DON
Our campaign office is right there in the same strip mall. I can be here too.
RANDY
Now we're going to have to change the chant again.
RICHIE
No, I liked it the way it was. “Bring your gold and do your taxes!”
DON
Then vote for Bump who will lower your taxes.
RANDY
You can't rhyme taxes with taxes.
DON
Why not?
RANDY
I don't know... Because That's the rule.
RICHIE
See. It doesn't work. "Bring your gold and do your taxes."
DON
And If you're a terrorist then bump will kick your asses.
(NOTE: If actors can't say asses then DON can be cut off before asses is said)
RICHIE
No, no, no!
RANDY
I thought it was kind of catchy.
RICHIE
Why are you supporting Bump anyway? He's terrible. He's greedy, sexist and racist.
DON
It's a job okay? Besides what's so honorable about wanting more gold?
RICHIE
Whatever. I was here first so buzz off.
RANDY
I have an idea. What if we do a dance off and whoever wins gets this corner?
DON
Sounds fair.
RICHIE
But I was here first!
RANDY
You two are going down when you see my moves.
"Do your taxes and get money back. Get a refund and that ain't no smack."
DON
"Bump is the man who gets your vote. If he wins he will give you a ride on his fancy boat."
(RICHIE decides to join in)
RICHIE
"It's shiney and sparkles and never gets old. Let's here for the wonderful metal called gold."
RANDY
Oh yeah I win!
DON
What? I totally killed it.
RICHIE
You two were terrible with a Capital T. My corner now. Bye bye.
RANDY
No way! My corner!
DON
You can't push us around. This is a free country. Besides I won fair and square. My corner!
(Homeless kid, ANNIE, wakes up)
ANNIE
Will you all keep it down?! I'm trying to sleep.
RICHIE
Did that pile of trash just speak?
RANDY
I don't think that's a pile of trash.
DON
It's moving.
ANNIE
I'm not an it. I'm a me. Now can't you see I'm trying to sleep!
RICHIE
Near the sidewalk?
RANDY
By a busy intersection?
DON
Without a pillow?
ANNIE
I have a pillow.
(ANNIE holds up something very strange looking)
ANNIE (CONT.)
I have no clue what it is but it is soft.
RICHIE
And stinky.
ANNIE
I can't really tell. All the smells just kind of blend together.
RICHIE
I see what you mean.
(ANNIE goes up to DON)
ANNIE
Bump? The billionaire? Is he running for president?
DON
Geez. Where have you been? Everyone knows that.
ANNIE
He'll win too. He can buy himself anything he wants. That must be nice. I'd buy me a double bacon burger with cheese if I had a billion bucks.
RANDY
What are doing out here sleeping on the street?
ANNIE
If slept in the street I'd be dead. I'm sleeping under the laundromat vents - it's nice and warm
RANDY
But you're just a kid.
DON
Are you homeless?
RICHIE
Isn't there so “P-C” term for that? Housing challenged?
ANNIE
Don't turn me in ok? Them foster homes is way worse than this. I don't like being locked up or beat up so I'm fed up and living on my own
RANDY
Can we help?
ANNIE
Gotta a dollar?
DON
No.
RANDY
Come on. Why don't we all chip in a buck and get her a burger?
DON
I ain't giving her something for nothing. People need to work for it. No handouts.
RICHIE
You really are a bump supporter.
DON
I guess his message is sinking in.
RANDY
It's just a dollar.
RICHIE
Today a dollar. Tomorrow two dollars. Then a car and house.
RANDY
That would be terrible if homeless people had homes.
DON
You know what he means. You can't give people something for nothing.
RANDY
Fine. If she holds our signs for a while then we can buy her a burger.
RICHIE
Sounds fair.
DON
Fine... Hey, kid. Hold our signs for us and we'll buy a burger.
ANNIE
Really?
(They give her the signs)
RANDY
Really! Isn't that cool?
ANNIE
Geez wiz mister. That's swell.
RICHIE
But you have to dance around a little. Get people's attention.
DON
Don’t just stand there. Move around with the signs.
ANNIE
Like this?
(Annie runs off with the signs)
RICHIE
Hey! What are you doing?
DON
She just stole our signs!
RANDY
I’ll get fired if I lose my sign again!
(They run off - ANNIE re-enters other side without the signs. She sees one of them left a backpack - she looks inside and finds a lunch - and sits and opens it and eats some of the food happily)
ANNIE
My corner.
END OF PLAY
****
from the script
"Control the Future" ISBN-13: 978-1540666581
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