Monday, March 14, 2016

"Hey Baby Let's Polka" comedy scene for 2 actors

This scene is from a play called "A Little Private Education" about a teacher, Luke, trying to start a private school but the people helping him are turning it into a disaster.  In this scene, Luke and Peg (brother and sister) have been left alone after both being dumped by people they were thinking about dating.















"Hey Baby Let's Polka"
by D. M. Larson

LUKE
(Come out looking like a total goof ball)  
Hey, baby.  Let's polka.
(Does a silly polka dance)
PEG
Uh, Luke.  
(Grabs him) 
Luke.
LUKE
What?
PEG
She's gone.  
LUKE
Where'd she go?
PEG
Did she see you and run?
LUKE
I don't think so.
PEG
I know I would have.  Look at you.  
(Laughs)
LUKE
Wait.  Where's Paul?
PEG
Huh?  Oh.  
(Calls out)  
Paul?  Paul?!   I’ll check the john.
(Heads for bathroom)
LUKE
Hey, here’s a note from him.
PEG:  
(Grabs it)  
Let me see that.   
(Reads) 
 "Peg.  Had to go.  Something came up.  Paul."  
(Sigh)
"Something came up." That's something you never want to hear a plumber say.


LUKE
Oh, Peg.  I'm sorry.  Now I've ruined your evening too.
PEG
You know.  I think it's for the best.   All he talked about over dinner was plumbing.  It's hard to eat when you're getting a blow by blow description of unclogging a toilet.
LUKE
Ew.
PEG
And no more Mrs. Poke.  I wonder what she'll do with your school.
LUKE
I'll give you one guess.  I guess I better start packing.
PEG
You think she'll cut you off?
LUKE
I know she will.  
(Upset)  
…and my book deal.  So much for getting my novel published.
PEG
You don't like handouts anyway.
LUKE
I don't?
PEG
No, you don't.
LUKE
Good-bye Peter Poke Academy.  Hello Peter Poke Plumbing.
PEG
Ah, to be rich enough to buy any man you want.
LUKE
You'll never be rich without a job.
PEG
Didn't you know?  I'm going to win the lottery.
LUKE
I'm glad to see you have a realistic goal for your life.
PEG
Hey, I thought you weren't going to tease me any more.
LUKE
Sorry.
PEG
I'll bet you are.
LUKE
It slipped out.
PEG
I better go before anything else slips out like my fist into your face.

  (Pretends like she’s going to hit his face and hits him in the arm)
LUKE
How come you can always hit me and I can never hit you?
PEG
Because I'm girl.  Boys don't hit girls.  
LUKE
But girls can hit boys?
PEG
Isn't it great?
LUKE
For you maybe.   That’s gonna bruise.
PEG
I guess I better get going home.
LUKE
See you in the unemployment line.
END OF PLAY


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