"Hey Baby Let's Polka" comedy scene for 2 actors

This scene is from a play called "A Little Private Education" about a teacher, Luke, trying to start a private school but the people helping him are turning it into a disaster.  In this scene, Luke and Peg (brother and sister) have been left alone after both being dumped by people they were thinking about dating.
















"Hey Baby Let's Polka"

by D. M. Larson




LUKE

(Come out looking like a total goof ball)  

Hey, baby.  Let's polka.

(Does a silly polka dance)




PEG

Uh, Luke.  

(Grabs him) 

Luke.




LUKE

What?




PEG

She's gone.  




LUKE

Where'd she go?




PEG

Did she see you and run?




LUKE

I don't think so.




PEG

I know I would have.  Look at you.  

(Laughs)




LUKE

Wait.  Where's Paul?




PEG

Huh?  Oh.  

(Calls out)  

Paul?  Paul?!   I’ll check the john.

(Heads for bathroom)




LUKE

Hey, here’s a note from him.




PEG:  

(Grabs it)  

Let me see that.   

(Reads) 

 "Peg.  Had to go.  Something came up.  Paul."  

(Sigh)
"Something came up." That's something you never want to hear a plumber say.


LUKE

Oh, Peg.  I'm sorry.  Now I've ruined your evening too.




PEG

You know.  I think it's for the best.   All he talked about over dinner was plumbing.  It's hard to eat when you're getting a blow by blow description of unclogging a toilet.




LUKE

Ew.




PEG

And no more Mrs. Poke.  I wonder what she'll do with your school.




LUKE

I'll give you one guess.  I guess I better start packing.




PEG

You think she'll cut you off?




LUKE

I know she will.  

(Upset)  

…and my book deal.  So much for getting my novel published.




PEG

You don't like handouts anyway.




LUKE

I don't?




PEG

No, you don't.




LUKE

Good-bye Peter Poke Academy.  Hello Peter Poke Plumbing.




PEG

Ah, to be rich enough to buy any man you want.




LUKE

You'll never be rich without a job.




PEG

Didn't you know?  I'm going to win the lottery.




LUKE

I'm glad to see you have a realistic goal for your life.




PEG

Hey, I thought you weren't going to tease me any more.




LUKE

Sorry.




PEG

I'll bet you are.




LUKE

It slipped out.




PEG

I better go before anything else slips out like my fist into your face.

  (Pretends like she’s going to hit his face and hits him in the arm)




LUKE

How come you can always hit me and I can never hit you?




PEG

Because I'm girl.  Boys don't hit girls.  




LUKE

But girls can hit boys?




PEG

Isn't it great?




LUKE

For you maybe.   That’s gonna bruise.




PEG

I guess I better get going home.




LUKE

See you in the unemployment line.




END OF PLAY