Saturday, December 3, 2016

Great Green Rebellion of 1899 Part 1 full length comedy stage play script

The Green Chile Rebellion of 1899

Act I Scene 1

(Lights come up on a simple farm that grows green chile [note: people in New Mexico spell it “chile” not “chili” that’s why it is spelled that way here. This chile farm is in a small corner of Northern New Mexico and is somewhat isolated between the mountains and mesas that surround it. The owners and workers enjoy this isolation and the only contact they care to have is when they sell their green chile. Lights come up when there is some loud knocking at the main entrance R. AL enters sleepily from upstairs doorway UC)
AL
I'm coming. I'm coming. Quit your knocking. I hear you.
TAXER
(Calling)
I've been knocking forever.
AL
(Opens door)
Not possible. Forever is a very long time.
(Pulls TAXER in. The TAXER is dressed all in black looking rather evil)
Come in. Come sit down. Bit early for customers, but no matter.
(TAXER goes for chiles on counter)
TAXER
Well, you see, I'm not...
AL
Here are our best chiles. Enjoy.
TAXER
(Looks at chiles)
I will. Thank you.
AL
So how did you hear about our chile farm?
TAXER
Well, I...
AL
No, let me guess.
(TAXER relaxes)
You heard our song?
(TAXER nods while enjoying a hot chile)
Wonderful. Cousin Clem was right. A snappy tune would bring the customers in. Let's see, how does it go?
(To tune of "Beverly Hillbillies")
"Well, come to our farm to get yourself fed;
Our wonderful chiles come in green, yellow, and red.
So get on your horse and ride here dude.
There’s nothing here that’s close to rude." Or something like that. Isn't that clever?
TAXER
Oh, yes. Quite.
AL
I'm so glad we brought him back with us from back East. See, that's where I'm from, if you couldn't tell.
TAXER
You don’t sound like you’re from around here.
AL
Neither do you.
TAXER
I’m from Washington.
AL
The capital?
TAXER
(Enjoying chiles. Willing to let AL ramble)
Yes.
AL
I worked there also for a time. Small world, isn’t it? That's where I met my wife. She's from Washington like you. At first we lived in the East but the chile business wasn't so hot there... Get it? Not so hot.
(TAXER doesn’t react)
And business has been good, not wonderful, but good. I worry about my daughter though. I think she really misses the East. I think she'd really like to go back again.
(TAXER is eating still)
I'm sorry I must be boring you. So how do you like our chiles?
TAXER
Incredible. Never had any like them.
AL
(Goes for order pad)
How many can I wrap up for you?
TAXER
(Nervous)
Well, I... didn't come to buy chiles.
AL
You didn’t?
TAXER
I'm here with a notice from the government.
(Holds out a paper)
AL
You mean you sat there the whole time and didn't tell me why you were here?
TAXER
You didn't ask. And those chiles were quite good....
AL
You thief! Get out! Now!
TAXER
The government says I can't go until I deliver this letter.
AL
Sorry. I don't want it.

TAXER
What do you mean you don't want it?
AL
If it's from the government, I don't want it. It can't be anything worth hearing. They never buy my chiles. They have never had any use for my farm except when they want to tax it. And I have paid my taxes, so good-bye.
(Proceeds to push him out)
TAXES
(Struggles)
You haven't!
AL
(Stops)
Haven't what?
TAXES
(Gives paper)
Paid your taxes.
(Turns to go)
Good-bye.
AL
(Reads paper)
What?!! This can't be!
(Grabs TAXER)
Don't you move from this spot 'til I find out what's going on.
TAXER
It seems pretty clear to me. You paid the old tax. There's a new one. Pay the difference. Good day.

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full length comedy stage play script


 
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