UNICORNS AND ALLEYCATS
by D. M. Larson
PART 1
Scene 1
(Lights come up on an alley scene. The only
object on the set that is needed is a large box,
ULC. A garbage can, etc. can be added. DUDE, a
person made up to be a scraggly alley cat, is
resting happily upon the box. There are city
noises in the background along with the sound of a
gentle rain)
DUDE
Ah, rain.
(Smiling and stretching)
What a wonderful thing it is. So refreshing...
(Jumps down and splashes a puddle with his paw and
shakes it off)
...so fun.
(Jumps through another mud puddle)
I love puddles.
(Takes a deep breath and then coughs a little)
The smells of the city that the rain brings out are unequaled.
(Smiles and looks around)
I love the city.
(Calls out)
What would I do without you?!
(Yowls loudly. A window slams shut off R. Smiles
and chuckles)
Heh, heh. Ain't it great?
(Suddenly, the sounds of loud honking and cars
slamming on their brakes are heard from the street
off L. DUDE is startled and hops behind his box.
He peeks out from behind it just as a unicorn,
Tink, runs into the alley and stops RC, out of
breath and very scared)
TINK
(Panicked)
Oh, why did I ever come here? This is a perfectly awful place.
(Dude moves around L of box in awe at seeing a
unicorn)
It's smelly, rainy, and dirty. The people are so unkind. Everything is so big. I don't understand it at all. I'm so very frightened. I wanna go home.
DUDE
(From behind her)
You're a unicorn!
TINK
(Jumps and backs to R, scared)
Blaaah! What do you want?!
DUDE
Take it easy, sister. I've just never seen a unicorn before.
TINK
(Still scared and on guard)
I've never seen whatever you are before either.
DUDE
(Proudly)
I'm a cat. An alley cat to be exact.
(Picks up a newspaper off the ground and holds it
up)
I have the papers to prove it.
(TINK tries to smile)
They call me Dude.
TINK
Dude?
DUDE
Actually, my birth name is Sir Douglas Paramount, but all my friends nicknamed me Dude. Easier to say, I suppose. What's your name, my fine horned friend?
TINK
Tink. Tink of the Jagged Peaks.
DUDE
Impressive. So where is this Jagged Peaks place?
TINK
Hidden in a land far away. It's not at all like this place.
DUDE
Ah, yes. The city. You like it?
TINK
To be honest, not really.
DUDE
Then, why did you come here?
TINK
(Relaxing a little, looks around)
I'm not sure.
DUDE
I'm afraid I don't understand.
TINK
I really didn't want to come here, but all unicorns must when they reach a certain age.
DUDE
Why didn't you tell them to stuff it?
TINK
I couldn't do that.
DUDE
Why not? I do it all the time.
TINK
My parents wanted so badly for me to go. I couldn't disappoint them.
DUDE
The old parent syndrome, huh?
TINK
What?
DUDE
Parent's always make you feel awful whenever you do something they don't want you to. They don't say no, but they make you feel miserable if you don't.
TINK
Yeah.
DUDE
My parents never did that to me. They let me have my freedom.
(Smiles and looks around)
And look where I am, now.
TINK
(Looks around in hidden disgust)
Oh.
DUDE
It may not look like much, but I'm exactly where I want to be, doing what I want, and I'm happy.
TINK
I'm glad somebody is here.
***
