Hysterical History of Cleopatra
by D. M. Larson
SCENE 3
***
Copyright (c) 2017
All Rights Reserved*
*Please do NOT repost the text of this play online
***
Practice with audience for upcoming participation
Little Caesar = Pizza! Pizza!
Snakes = Hisss!
Alexander the Great = He’s grrreat!
SCENE 3
SHU
I can’t wait for Siri to get here and tell us the news.
NUT
What news?
BABI
I thought Alexa was going to tell us.
NUT
Tell us what?
SHU
I was sure it was Siri.
NUT
What’s the news already?
SHU
If I knew I would tell you.
BABI
If I knew I wouldn’t tell you.
NUT
Whatever.
(GEB enters)
GEB
Hey everyone. Let’s get the party started.
BABI
Having an Ides of March party was such a great idea.
SHU
Now that we are allies with the Romans, we might as well enjoy their holidays. We’ll celebrate the Ides of March as a way to show solidarity.
GEB
Works for me. I’m all for celebrating both Egyptian and Roman holidays. The more parties the better.
(SIRI enters)
NUT
What is the Ides of March anyway?
SIRI
The Ides of March happens on the 15th day of the month. It is a celebration in honor of the Roman god Jupiter and which involves parties, picnics and sacrificing a sheep.
BABI
We don’t have to sacrifice a sheep, do we?
GEB
We’ll let the Romans handle the sacrifice.
NUT
And we’ll handle the parties.
SHU
So what is the good news, Siri?
SIRI
I’m happy to report that Queen Cleopatra’s visit to Rome is going exceptionally well. Caesar has ordered that a golden statue of her be placed in his family’s temple.
SHU
That’s a good sign.
SIRI
Cleopatra is having a bit of trouble being accepted by the Romans but Caesar is bestowing this great honor on her anyway to prove his love to her.
BABI
And how is their son doing? Little Ptolemy Caesar.
GEB
I hear they call him Caesarian.
SIRI
That means “Little Caesar.”
AUDIENCE
Pizza! Pizza!
BABI
Do you think he could be the next Caesar one day?
NUT
If Cleopatra has her way he will be.
SIRI
Actually the heir to the Roman throne is named Octavius, Caesar’s nephew.
GEB
Give Cleopatra time. She’ll find a way to change that. She can be very influential over Caesar.
SHU
Perhaps that will be our next task from Cleopatra.
NUT
Enough business talk. Let’s party!
(Optional dance number with a song such as “Walk Like an Egyptian” - then ALEXA rushes in)
ALEXA
I have terrible news.
SHU
What’s happened, Alexa?
ALEXA
Mighty Caesar. He is dead.
BABI
What?
SHU
Where?
NUT
Why?
GEB
How?
SIRI
You forgot to ask who.
ALEXA
Caesar went to the Roman Senate and some of the senators killed him.
SHU
Caesar was assassinated?
BABI
By his own government.
SHU
What about Cleopatra?
GEB
Is she safe?
ALEXA
She has fled Rome and is on her way back to Egypt.
BABI
This is horrible. What do we do?
NUT
First we get some snakes…
ALL
No snakes!
AUDIENCE
Hissss!
SHU
You said Octavian will be the new ruler. We have to find a way to talk to him. We can set up a private meeting with Cleopatra.
ALEXA
The rumor is that the Roman Empire will be divided up between several of Caesar’s top men. Octavian will rule Rome but Egypt will fall under the rule of Mark Antony.
SHU
Then we must work on a meeting between Cleopatra and Mark Antony. We must have his support. If Cleopatra is to protect us and keep control, she must speak to this man.
GEB
And work her magic.
SHU
Let’s go and prepare. We have a lot of work to do.
NUT
So much for the party. I thought the Ides of March was supposed to be fun. The Roman have a weird way of celebrating. Sacrificing a sheep is bad enough, but their emperor too. Yikes. Those Romans scare me. Let’s hope Mark Antony isn’t as bad as the rest of them. Of course, he can’t be as great as Alexander.
AUDIENCE
He’s grrreat!
END OF SCENE
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***
Copyright (c) 2017
All Rights Reserved*
*Please do NOT repost the text of this play online
***
