La Cucaracha
By Clint Snyder
Heidi
Explains to her Spanish Teacher about her pagent this past weekend.
If I ever see that ratty head judge again I will scream at the top of my lungs and then pa-romptly knock those dumb ol’ glasses off her face. I shouldn’t have lost the contest because there was no contest. I did my beauty perfect. The song I picked was La Cucaracha, like I learned in our Spanish class. My ma is always telling me, “Teach those judges baby!” So I did. I wanted to teach them that la cucaracha means cockroach in Spanish, so I dressed up like a cockroach and shook some maracas like this. (She demonstrates.) And I did the face like cockroach makes like this. (She demonstrates.) My Ma says that cockroaches aren’t very good for the beauty competition, but she also says that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Well, I’ll tell you, I saw a cockroach once with this eye right here and I beheld it, so it’s beautiful. My baton twirling was really good too. I set them on fire cause you got to stand out in the talent part they only had to call the firemen twice, but I actually think the firemen liked to be there. They were looking at me with big crazy eyes because they know I’m beautiful. Then I wrapped everything up with my evening wear. I wore my pink spotted footie pajamas because I always wear my pajamas in the evening and let me tell you, I worked it. That’s why I was so confused when I saw that I was disqualified on my ballot, but my ma told me that it must just be because I scored so high that I didn’t even give those other girls a shot. I guess I’m just gunna have to find a harder competition next time cause I at least want to give the other girl’s a chance.
Copyright © 2015 Clint Snyder
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