Saturday, January 23, 2016

"Mr. Moo is Mad" monologue - comedy funny humorous solo play scripts for free

"Mr. Moo is Mad" by D. M. Larson
from the published play "Losers in Love"
  • Publication Date: September 1, 2017

You humans have a love hate relationship with us bovine. We are used and abused. We're all shakes and burgers to you aren't we? You can't get enough of us.

You even use our cowbells in music! Don't try to deny it. I know you're always wanting more cowbell in your songs.

Hey, do you know why cows wear bells? 


Because their horns don't work.

(Laughs at his own joke)
A little barnyard humor.

(Frowns when he remembers what he was talking about)
But seriously, we have tried to get along with you. We have tried to give you our fair share. What do you give us in return?  You take away our fields... You lock us up in fences. You cage us. We no longer can enjoy those long lazy days of grazing in open prairies. Instead we are imprisoned in corrals of corruption. Corporate corruption which feeds on greed and wants to squeeze every drop out of us for a few extra pennies. 


How dairy you?! You butter try harder to get along with us or we're cutting you off faster than you can cut the cheese. No, I'm not milking this for all it is worth.

(Gets sad, almost in tears)

Because it seems like every human is in on it. If it's not corporate hogs then it's those of you who want to protect the prairies and deny us fresh grass to graze upon.  Do we too not have a right to be free, to feed openly and enjoy what the Earth provides? Or are we only to give and you only to take? 

(Mad again)
We try to get along with you but now you've crossed a line? We're not in mooood anymore. This has gotten udderly ridiculous. I know you're probably going to say something like, "Don't have a cow!" What does that mean anyway?! Well. I'm taking a stand. No more tipping this cow.

I've decided to be a bully now. I have vowed to steal kids' milk money. We're keeping our milk. We're denying you Double McWhoppers with cheese. 

(Grows proud)
You might ask "Where's the beef?"  Well, I'm here to tell you it's right here!  Cowabunga!


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