Thursday, November 27, 2014

"El Taco Feo Lives!" comedy scene for 3 males from published play (free humorous stage play script)

"El Taco Feo Lives!" is comedy scene for 3 males from the published play called "My William Shatner Man Crush".

For permission to use this scene, email doug@freedrama.net and include the title "El Taco Feo Lives" in the request.

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"El Taco Feo Lives!" by D. M. Larson

RANDY

I wonder how long you have to work at KFC to become a colonel?

TONY

Uh... you have to avoid any Major Messups?

RANDY

Yeah... and enjoy corporal punishment?

TONY

And be a Captain of Industry.

FRANK

How goes the job hunting?

RANDY

Hey! They need someone to dress up as a vegetable for a kid show.

FRANK

You know how to be a vegetable.

TONY

I thought you weren't allowed near children.

RANDY

What I really want to do is be one of those knights at that dinner show where they do jousting and such.  That would be awesome.

FRANK

You with sharp pointy things?  Is that wise?

RANDY

Or a personal assistant for some famous actor.

FRANK

I think your past history of stalking celebrities might be a problem.

RANDY

I wonder if William Shatner is hiring.

TONY

Captain Kirk?

RANDY

That guy is awesome. I think he's immortal or something. I don't think he's aged since the 80's.  I can figure out his secret and write a book about it or something.

TONY

Or something.

FRANK

Have you ever written anything in your life?  I thought you always copied your reports in school.

RANDY

I'm good at copying.  Xerox is hiring.

TONY

I'm not sure that's the kind of copying they specialize in.

FRANK

Maybe you should go back to school.

RANDY

I thought the principal said I couldn't come back... ever.

FRANK

No... I mean college.

RANDY

I heard Harvard was good.

TONY

Um... maybe something a bit more... local... like a community college.

RANDY

I'm tired of school.  I did the 8th grade like 10 times.  I'm so done with that.

(RANDY finds something on his computer)

RANDY (CONT.)

Look!  Work from home.  Be your own boss.  This is perfect!  Where's my phone?

FRANK

That's a scam, Randy.

RANDY

It says right here at the end. This is not a scam. I'm calling. 1-900... I hate when they do words instead of numbers.

TONY

1-900-trick me?

FRANK

Really?

RANDY

Got it.  It's ringing.  Hello?  Yeah, I want to do a home business and be my own boss.  What?  A book?  How much?  No thanks... I don't read.

TONY

At least he's honest.

RANDY

I can read... I just don't like to.

FRANK

So we need to find you a job that doesn't involve reading and that you can do from home.

TONY

A professional TV watcher?

RANDY

Yeah!  They have that?

TONY

No.

RANDY

Way to get my hopes up.

FRANK

We have to find you something. Rent is due...

TONY

His rent has been due for a few months now.

FRANK

But he's working so hard with all the chores he has been doing.

RANDY

What chores was I supposed to do again?

TONY

All of them.

RANDY

Yes, master.

FRANK

His lips say yes, but his butt says no.

RANDY

Hey! Maybe I could do one of them fast food diets like Jared and the sandwiches... I'll do an all taco diet or something and then I can be in commercials and such.

TONY

I don't think you'll lose weight eating tacos all the time.

RANDY

I have to lose weight?

FRANK

I'm thinking he didn't get the point of the whole Jared diet plan.

RANDY

Why is everything so hard?

TONY

Because you aren't able to live in your mom's basement like most guys in your situation.

RANDY

What situation?

TONY

Hmm... how do I say this nicely?

FRANK

How do you tell someone they are a lazy bum without hurting their feelings?

RANDY

Are you guys talking about me again?

TONY

Maybe.

FRANK

Yes.

RANDY

Fine. You know what. I'm going to prove to you that I'm not lazy or a bum or a... no chore doer... don't-er or whatever. I'm gonna go out there and make something of myself.

(RANDY exits.  FRANK and TONY go to the window)

TONY

What's he doing?

FRANK

When is the last time he went outside?  I think the sun blinded him.  He's waiting for his eyes to adjust.

TONY

Does he even have a clue what he's doing out there?

FRANK

I would bet money he forgot already.

TONY

No... he's going... he took a few steps.

FRANK

This is amazing... I'm getting all choked up.  Our little boy is finally leaving the nest and going out in to the world all on his own.

Tony

Nope... he's coming back.

(RANDY returns)

RANDY

I forgot some stuff.

FRANK

Like a resume?

TONY

A plan?

Randy

My pro-wrestling mask.

FRANK

Of course.

TONY

Oh dear.

RANDY

El Taco Feo lives!

(He puts on his wrestling mask and exits to fake cheering that he produces)

FRANK

Off to tackle the world.

TONY

Or at least put it in a strangle hold.

END OF SCENE

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This duologue is from the published play "My William Shatner Man Crush" available on Amazon.com:

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