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"Death by Dollars" by D. M. Larson
Randy
Do you ever get winded putting on your shoes? That's me.. I do. I'm fatty McFat Fat. I got super sized at Mickey D's, crowned at BK and supremed at the Bell. I am the all American consumer, consumed by convenience.
I blame them... I do... They make it too easy... And cheap. That's me. Cheap and easy. I am a dollar menu fanatic. I will eat anything for a buck. That's my motto.
But is it death by dollars? I wonder if the dollar menus are killing me?
But who can afford to eat right? I went in to one of them healthy places once. The cheapest thing in there was a grilled cheese sandwich and they wanted $5 for it! $5 for a grilled cheese! Maybe I could make super healthy pb and j's and sell them outside them ripoff restaurants...
(Calling out to invisible customers)
Gourmet super healthy pbj for $4! And that $4 would get me a dollar menu feast.... Spicy chicken burger... fries... ice cold cola... and some pie. Dollar menu heaven. I'm getting kind of hungry. Gonna get me a spicy chicken sandwich while they last.
(Starts to rush but gets winded and grabs chest)
If yesterday's $1 nuggets don't do me in on the way there.
END OF SCENE
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This monologue is from the published play "My William Shatner Man Crush" available on Amazon.com:
Purchase a low cost PDF of the full play at Sellfy.com
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