Wednesday, September 17, 2014

"Death by Dollars" comedy monologue about a guy who is super sized (scene for male actor)

Free humorous monologue for male actor from published play "My William Shatner Man Crush"


"Death by Dollars" by D. M. Larson


Do you ever get winded putting on your shoes? That's me.. I do. I'm fatty McFat Fat.  I got super sized at Mickey D's, crowned at BK and supremed at the Bell. I am the all American consumer, consumed by convenience.

I blame them... I do... They make it too easy... And cheap.  That's me. Cheap and easy.  I am a dollar menu fanatic.  I will eat anything for a buck.  That's my motto.

But is it death by dollars? I wonder if the dollar menus are killing me?

But who can afford to eat right? I went in to one of them healthy places once.  The cheapest thing in there was a grilled cheese sandwich and they wanted $5 for it!  $5 for a grilled cheese!   Maybe I could make super healthy pb and j's and sell them outside them ripoff restaurants... 

(Calling out to invisible customers)

Gourmet super healthy pbj for $4! And that $4 would get me a dollar menu feast.... Spicy chicken burger... fries... ice cold cola... and some pie.  Dollar menu heaven.   I'm getting kind of hungry.  Gonna get me a spicy chicken sandwich while they last.  

(Starts to rush but gets winded and grabs chest)  

If yesterday's $1 nuggets don't do me in on the way there.


This monologue is from the published play "My William Shatner Man Crush" available on

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