"Operation Redneck" is the story of three friends (Julie, Beth and Tina) who are roommates. Julie is dating a city boy named Jacob and he wants to visit her in the small town she lives in. She is worried about him fitting in and everyone want to help Jacob by turning him into the ultimate redneck like Tina's boyfriend JJ.
"TAKE NOTES LADIES"
by D. M. Larson
(from "Operation Redneck")
JJ: (Enters) Knock, knock.
BETH: We're not home.
JJ: Aw, yes you are. You can't fool me.
BETH: Boy, Tina. You got one smart man there. Couldn't pull one over on him.
TINA: (Goes to him) Yeah, he is something special, ain't he?
JJ: You gotta beer, woman?
TINA: Sure, JJ. I'll get it for ya'.
BETH: Hey, JJ. I need to ask you something.
JJ: Not now, Beth. I ain't up to no thinkin'. I just got off work.
BETH: I didn't realize shoveling manure took so much brain power.
JJ: You'd be surprised.
BETH: I wouldn't bug you normally. I know those brain cells you got left are pretty precious but you just gotta try. Julie's got a problem and I think only you can help.
JULIE: I don't think so.
BETH: This man is just what we need.
JJ: That's what all the ladies tell me.
BETH: (Hits him) Don't get all cocky on me now.
TINA: (Enters) Here's your beer.
JULIE: (To BETH) Let's drop it, okay.
BETH: (Aside to JULIE) I'll be subtle.
JJ: I got my beer. I'm ready to start thinkin' now. (To JULIE) You come on over to Uncle JJ and tell him all your troubles.
JULIE: JJ. If some guy showed up here wearing a t-shirt that said "Eat Beef and Die" what would you do?
JJ: I'd say eat this buddy! (pretends to put invisible guy in headlock and punch him) Pow, pow.
BETH: I rest my case.
JJ: We done here? I gotta take a pee. I need to make room for some more beer.
TINA: I'll have a cool one waiting for you.
JJ: That's right. (Kisses her) Take notes, ladies. This is how a man wants his woman. All ready to please him. (To TINA) And don't you wander off. I don't like it when my women ain't around when I'm lookin' for 'em. (Exits)
BETH: (Calls after him) Don't pee on the toilet seat again or it's the last time you'll be able to pee standing up. (To TINA) Uh, what do you see in that man?
END OF SCENE
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END OF SCENE
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