Monday, November 30, 2015

"Black Friday Selfie" comedy monologue for female - free solo stage play script

"Black Friday Selfie"

monologue by D. M. Larson

Hello, nurse.  I’m okay. The pain meds are working. I’m still wondering how I survived.

It was quite an accident.

I caught it all on video.  I was doing a video when the store opened up… it’s probably the reason I got trampled.

Those Black Friday sales are brutal.

But I uploaded the video and it went viral.  So maybe it was worth it…

(She tries to sit up but hurts)

 Ow, ow… maybe not.

Nope, no visits yet.

My family is all busy shopping.  I was hoping they’d see the video and call me. I guess I will try to call them.

(Calls on her phone)

Hi mom… mom listen… oh… yeah, I was going to go there but… I know the deals are great and I’m missing out but… Okay, mom. Bye.

I’ll try Dad.

Dad?  Listen… I… I can’t hear you Dad… where are you?  Why are there monster trucks in the parking lot?  Dad?  Fine, I’ll call you back later.

Maybe I can get my sister… hey, sis… No… no, I didn’t see your TwitFace post yet… what did you buy?  I’ll look later.  Wait, I need to tell you that… but I can’t right now, I am in… no, I’m not trying to be difficult… I’m trying to tell you… what do you mean I never listen to you?  What are you talking about?  Look, this isn’t a good time… fine, I’m going on TwitFace right now.  Bye.

(Looks sadly at phone)

They’re a little caught up in holiday shopping right now.
I hate to send them a message… I’d rather tell them in person… but I may have to.

Or I could send them a selfie of me in my hospital bed.  Is that too mean?

But after the way they treated me on the phone, they needed a little jolt of reality.

I’ll just do a frowny, pouty face.  I don’t want to overdo it.

(PENELOPE does a selfie with a sad, pouty face)

And send…

 (phone goes crazy with sounds and alerts)

They’re on their way.   I’ve totally gotta put my pouty face pic on InstaPin.  People will love it.


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