Waiting for Christmas
by D. M. Larson
Short skit for flexible cast of 4 or more actors of either gender
Short skit for flexible cast of 4 or more actors of either gender
(People are waiting in line outside the Pear Electronics store. A Salvation Army worker SARGE sets up his bucket and starts ringing his bell. CASEY is second in line behind ALEX and in front of HARLEY. More actors are lined up behind them if available. NOTE: Some of HARLEY’s lines can be given to the other actors in line if there are more. All parts can be played by males or females. CASEY is annoyed at the bell ringing)
CASEY
Really? You have to set up your bucket here? We’re stuck here okay? We can’t get away from your bell? This is crazy. Am I right about this?
(Everyone ignores him)
CASEY (CONT)
What if I make a big donation? Will you go away?
(SARGE shrugs. CASEY turns away from SARGE and writes something on a piece of paper. He goes over to the SARGE and puts it in his bucket).
CASEY (CONT.)
There! Big donation! Now clear out.
(SARGE looks down happy but then frowns when he finds a piece of paper)
SARGE
This is an IOU.
CASEY
I’m good for it.
(CASEY goes back to line but HARLEY and ALEX won’t let him back in)
CASEY (CONT.)
Hey! This is my spot!
HARLEY
You stepped out of line. You lost your place.
CASEY
I was over there. That’s like two steps away.
HARLEY
Too bad. End of the line, loser.
CASEY
Loser?! Get out of my way! I’ve been waiting here for 12 hours!
I’m not going to lose my spot!
(CASEY and HARLEY fight for the spot in line. If there are more actors, then they can join in the fight)
HARLEY
No way am I letting you back in. You don’t deserve it.
CASEY
Only the first 10 in line get the special deal! I have to be in the first ten… And the first hundred get the not so special deal! But it’s still a deal! I want that deal too… there are over 100 people back there.
HARLEY
Then make like a Dalmation and be 101!
(CASEY and HARLEY fight over spot in line. Others in line can join in if additional actors are available. MANAGER MOE rushes out of store. ALEX sneaks in when door opens. MANAGER gets in the middle of the fight)
MANAGER MOE
Break it up! I know these sales are good, but you have to control yourselves!
It’s back of the line for both of you if you don’t stop… now!
(MANAGER MOE grabs them by the ears. CASEY and HARLEY stop fighting - others do too if there are more actors)
MANAGER MOE (CONT.)
Thank you. I appreciate your dedication to good deals.
We want this sale to be as peaceful as possible.
HARLEY
He cut in line.
CASEY
I did not. I’ve been here for 18 hours.
MANAGER MOE
I did see him here.
HARLEY
Fine. Whatever. Get back in line.
MANAGER MOE
I appreciate your good will. After all this is Christmas. Cha-ching!
(MANAGER MOE goes inside)
HARLEY
Did he just say Cha-ching? Like a cash register? What happened to Merry Christmas?
CASEY
Don't bother me… I’m busy… thinking.
HARLEY
I’m am so pushing you down when that door opens and crushing you under my feet.
CASEY
Ho, ho, ho.
(SARGE is ringing his bell again. CASEY is mad and goes over and takes the bell and throws it off stage. SARGE gives a hurt look and walks off stage. CASEY comes back to the line)
HARLEY
You stepped out of line again.
CASEY
Really? We’re going to do this again?
HARLEY
Game on.
CASEY
They’re opening the doors!
(HARLEY pushes CASEY to the ground and stands on him. MANAGER MOE comes out and ALEX exits with two big bags)
MANAGER MOE
Sorry everyone. We’re out of iPids already.
HARLEY
What?!
CASEY
But that’s what we were here for?
MANAGER MOE
This shopper here bought them all. Paid full price.
HARLEY
All of them?!
CASEY
Full price?!
HARLEY
Oh, I see. Then you turn around and sell them for double the price.
CASEY
I waited 24 hours for an iPid! I have to have one! I’ll give you 1000 for one.
(If there are more actors in the line, then the bidding can be divided up)
HARLEY
I’ll give you 2000!
CASEY
3000!
HARLEY
4000!
CASEY
5000!
HARLEY
6000!
CASEY
10000! Going once… going twice… sold!
(ALEX takes out one of the tiny packages. An iPid is super small and hard to see)
ALEX
You appear to be the high bidder.
CASEY
Do you take IOUs?
ALEX
I do not.
(ALEX takes out a hammer or bat and smashes the iPid)
CASEY, HARLEY AND EVERYONE ELSE IN LINE
No!!!
ALEX
So this what this holiday is about now.
Buying (smash - the people in line gasp each time)
Spending (smash - gasp)
Getting (smash - gasp)
Greed (smash - gasp)
You're all just being manipulated by corporate overlords who play with your emotions - does this little gadget really matter?
(Smashes another one - gasp and cries)
Christmas should about helping others. It's the day an innkeeper helped a homeless pregnant woman about to have a baby. And then there's Hanukkah - it should be about celebrating miracles. But everything became about this.
(Smashes another one - gasp, cry, sob)
People should still focus on spending time with family, friends, and the ones they love. That’s what the holidays should be about.
Instead we spend it in pursuit of the best deal on something meaningless that we’ll just toss aside in a year for something better. I’m tired of being tossed aside. I’m tired of being less important than a gadget. I want our family and friends and loved ones to be important again. I want people to matter. If things keep going they way they are going, then we’ll all end up alone with nothing but this junk to keep us company.
(Smashes last one)
So go home. There are no more toys or gadgets. Or better yet, take some of that money you were going to waste on this thing that you already have an older version of - and give it to the bell ringer so they can help people in need who can’t even afford to eat let alone buy some useless gadget that they’ll hate in a year because it’s never good enough and never new enough and never really makes them happy. I never could make my family happy enough. Nothing I would buy was ever right for them. Or they'd like it for 5 seconds and then toss it aside wanting more. That's what this consumeristic holiday season did to my family. I’m sick of it. I'm sick of my people caring more about things than each other.
How many of you missed out on spending time with your family because you waited in line here instead?
HARLEY
I feel terrible. I left my family with a microwave turkey dinner this year. Every year I have been doing less and less. I thought I was doing this for them but I don't think they even really care. That stupid gadget would just give us one more reason not to spend with each other. I don't even know what an iPid does.
CASEY
I don't either.
(Everyone leaves sadly except for Harley - Harley gives some money to SARGE)
SARGE
Thank you. Merry Christmas.
HARLEY
Merry Christmas.
(SARGE goes to ALEX who is sadly looking at the iPids and cleans up)
SARGE
You ok?
ALEX
I was hoping that would have a bigger impact... that it would help them.
SARGE
It helped one person. One person changed and if we can make the life better of one person for each day we’re alive then imagine how many people we could help.
ALEX
That's all I want to do is help. Sorry I don't have much to give now.
SARGE
You have a lot to give and it ain't money. Keep that fire alive inside of you. That's a beautiful fire of compassion and caring. We need more of that than money.
(ALEX nods and SARGE pats him on the back)
SARGE (CONT.)
Care for a cup of coffee?
ALEX
Sure. I’d like that.
(SARGE pulls out a thermos)
SARGE
My wife makes it fresh. Better than any of that Bigbucks crap.
ALEX
That is good. Thanks.
SARGE
Thank you too. Merry Christmas my friend.
ALEX
Merry Christmas to you too.
END OF PLAY
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