"KRYPTONITE JEWELRY" a scene selection by D. M. Larson
for 3 actors from a published play
JOE
You like kryptonite jewelry huh?
ASHLEY
As long as it is big and flashy, I like it lots. Where's the little princess's room?
JOE
Back down the hall. Look for the Supergirl poster.
ASHLEY
How come it is super-girl and then super-man? Isn't that sexist?
JOE
Uh... sure.
ASHLEY
Well, stop doing that.
JOE
Yeah... I'll call my friends at DC comics right now and get them to change that.
ASHLEY
Good. See, that's why I won the title Miss Politically Correct last year.
JOE
How many people were in that contest?
ASHLEY
Doesn't matter. The important thing is that the right person won.
(Ashley exits. Howard rushes over to Joe and lowers his comic)
HOWARD
Is that who I think it is?
JOE
Yup, that's Ashley Anderson, beauty queen. Miss Teen Walla Walla, Miss Pet Lover, Miss Apple Pie... She's been the Miss of everything I think.
HOWARD
What is she doing here?
JOE
She's here to do a photo shoot. She's endorsing the store and then we're endorsing her. See, they think she is a sure thing to win Miss Washington this year and if she can win Miss America, then this sponsorship will be gold. My online sales with skyrocket. And she gets someone to pay some of the bills.
HOWARD
But how?
JOE
She's my cousin.
HOWARD
You never told me that!
JOE
It's a family secret. I'm rather embarrassed by her, but it might finally be useful to know her.
HOWARD
I've always wanted to talk to her.
JOE
You want to talk to any woman.
(Ashley comes out and Howard lifts his comic and goes to hide. Joe goes to the front door and locks it)
JOE (CONT.)
I better lock the door before the nerds start swarming.
ASHLEY
Ew... there's one now. He's drooling on the window.
(Joe hands her some money)
JOE
Here's your money. Be nice.
(Ashley smiles and waves and blows a kiss)
JOE (CONT.)
I think you just killed that one.
ASHLEY
Ready for the photo?
(Joe is looking around for the camera)
JOE
In a hurry? Big plans tonight?
ASHLEY
My big plans are to be some where else.
(JOE finds camera)
JOE
I want you holding a wearing this sash and holding this comic book.
(Joe gives sash to Ashley)
ASHLEY
Miss All Knight?
JOE
It's the name of the store "All Knight Novelty."
ASHLEY
It sounds weird though.
JOE
And here is the comic.
ASHLEY
Ew! I don't wanna hold that. It's gross.
JOE
But she's where the store gets the name from... Knight Princess... she's a warrior princess. I thought you liked princesses.
ASHLEY
But look at her outfit. And what's she doing to that monster.
JOE
I believe she is ripping that zombie a new one.
ASHLEY
Ew!
JOE
I'll look for one with a better cover.
(Joe finds one)
JOE (CONT.)
Here we go. She is all dressed up for her coronation.
(Joe sets up camera on tripod. Ashley looks at comic)
ASHLEY
How can she fight in those clothes? Guy always have tons of armor but the warrior women wear practically nothing to protect their bodies.
JOE
Good point. I'll shoot off another email to my friends at DC comics.
END OF MONOLOGUE
***
From the scene "Blinded by the Knight"
in the published play "Between Good and Evil"
