Saturday, November 4, 2017

Outlaws of Candy Kitchen Part 4 melodrama stage play script

Outlaws of Candy Kitchen 
Part 4 

(Knock at door)

FLO: That's not the secret knock.

BONNEY: Quick everyone. To your places.

(Everyone rushes around and hides liquor and changed gambling for checkers, etc. Candy displays are set out)
FLO: (More knocking) That sounds like the law.
  I recognize their knock.

BONNEY: Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

BERTHA: Ready?

BONNEY: Let'em in.

(Kids enter.  SHERI leads)
SHERI:  Everybody freeze.
BERTHA: Come on in.
BONNEY: Care for any cactus candy?

(Other kids reach for candy but SHERI smacks them away)
SHERI: Sorry, ma'am. I thought this was an illegal booze operation.

BONNEY: As you can see, this is a reputable candy store.

SHERI: I'm sure I heard there was something fishy going on in here.
BONNEY: Sorry, no fish flavored candy but I'll put it on my suggestion list. People often make that mistake.

BERTHA:  So what's the deal?   Aren't you all a little young to be the sheriff's posse?
SHERI:  My daddy's the sheriff but he's out of town.   I'm trying to keep the peace while he's away?
FLO:   He put his little girl in charge?
SHERI:  Well, no.   But I took it upon myself to deputize these citizens and expose your illegal operation.
BERTHA:  Citizens?   These kids are younger than you.
CITIZEN: Can't we have some candy now?
SHERI:  No.   Keep quiet.
(Sees JOHN passed out)
What's with him?

BONNEY: Oh, he's in charge of... tasting the candy... he's got a tummy ache.

CITIZEN: Poor guy.

SHERI: You sure he's okay.

BONNEY: He isn't dead is he?

SHERI: (Pokes him) I don't know. I can't tell.

BONNEY: Trust me, he's fine.  I suppose you'll want to be going.

(Pushes SHERRI and CITIZENS out)

SHERI: I do have to go.  (Pointing to one of the CITIZENS)   It's almost her nap time. Sorry to disturb you.

BONNEY: Don't mention it. Bye.
(Pushes her out door and closes it)

That was close.

(Everyone changes the place back as before. BONNEY sighs and then there is another knock at the door)

Here we go again.
(Everyone starts changing back again)

SHERI: (Opens door) I just wanted to say...

BONNEY: (Tries to close door on her. Everyone is frantic) What's that?

SHERI: If you ever see anything suspicious, let me know.

BONNEY: Okay, thank you.
(Pushes her out and shuts door)

That was way too close.
(They start to change back and then there's another knock)

I'm going to kill her.
    (JOHN stands up with his gun.  BONNEY grabs it)

FLO: John, no!

BONNEY: (Opens door and points gun) Now look here!

ALLY: Don't shoot!

BONNEY: Ally! I'm so sorry.
PAUSE PLAY to talk to AUDIENCE about bad guys – have kids come up front and prepare projectiles – throw stuff and yell boo when you see the BOO sign.   Let's practice.
BERTHA: Back about your business. It's the Boss.   Ally Capone.

FLO:  Capone?

BERTHA:  Sister of Al Capone.

FLO:  Oh, dear.   The Capones are always bad news.

ALLY: Hello, everyone.

EVERYONE: (Ad Lib)  Ally! How are ya'? Etc.  (Everyone is trying to be friendly but are scared)
ALLY:  I'm glad to see that you're seeing the value of a gun, Bonney.   We must protect our investment.
BONNEY:  Well, it's soon just to be all mine.
ALLY:  What do you mean?  
BONNEY:  This is when I make my last payment (holds out envelope of money).   Once I pay you this then I'm free and clear.   Candy Kitchen will be mine.
ALLY: (Goes to bar and BERTHA gets her a drink)   Sarsaparilla, on the rocks.   I never drink on the job.   (Looks at pocket watch)   Have to keep my mind sharp and my eyes clear.  
BONNEY:  So here is my final payment.  (ALLY wanders away with her drink and doesn't take the money)
ALLY:  You sure you want to give up our little business arrangement?
BONNEY:  I didn't really want to make alcohol but that was the only way I could get the investment money to start my candy factory here at the ranch.   It's my dream to make enough candy that every child in the world can enjoy it for one low price.
ALLY:  Oh, that's real sweet.
BONNEY:  So here.  Please take my final payment and I'll have all your alcohol stills delivered to you right away.   Then I can make room for all the candy making.   A dream come true.  

(AUDIENCE: Ahhh! Or Hurray!)
ALLY:  (Looks at watch)  Oh, dear.
BONNEY:  What's wrong?
ALLY:  It looks like your payment is late.   (Snatches away money now)
BONNEY:  What do you mean?
ALLY:  I'm afraid the last payment had to be to me at high noon, sharp.   (Shows watch)  It's now 12:01.  No, now itï's 12:02.
BONNEY:  What?!  I don’t remember anything in the contract about a time.   I only read about the day.
ALLY:  You must not have read the fine print.   (Does evil laugh - Pulls out contract and puts it on table)
(BOO sign and AUDIENCE boos and kids throw things)
BONNEY:  I don’t see it.
ALLY:  Oh, here you go.   (Unrolls the bottom of the paper so it rolls out to the audience and there is tiny writing on most of it)
(BOO sign and AUDIENCE boos and kids throw things)
BERTHA:  That's some mighty fine print.
ALLY:  So I'm afraid I have to charge you interest since your last payment was late.
(BOO sign and AUDIENCE boos and kids throw things)
ALLY:  (to audience)  Stop that, will you?!   (Rips up BOO sign?)
BONNEY:  Interest?   This is supposed to be an interest free loan.
ALLY:  Once again, it's in the fine print.
BONNEY:   I can't read this.
FLO:  (Hands BONNEY a magnifying glass)   Here, try this.
BONNEY:  Still, too small.
ALLY:  Here.  (Pulls out spyglass)  This is what I use.
BONNEY:  (Looks through spyglass)   Oh, no.   It does say all that.  (Upset, she slumps into a chair in tears.  AUDIENCE: Ahhh!)
FLO:  That's so unfair.  (Takes spyglass and looks)
BERTHA:  You can't let her do this to you, Bonney.
ALLY:  She has no choice.  (Evil laugh)   She'll be making hooch for me from now until eternity.  (More laughter.   AUDIENCE BOOS)
(new BOO sign appears and AUDIENCE boos and kids throw things)
FLO:  Wait.   Look at this.   (Gives spyglass to BERTHA)
BERTHA:  Bonney, you've got to see this.   (BONNEY is too upset)  It's a way out of this contract.   It says here that you can get out of the contract if you beat Ally in hand to hand combat.
ALLY:  Where does it say that?   (Grabs spyglass)   Well, I'll be a... (Bends down and rips off that part of the contract)  Ooops.  I can't seem to find it now.  (can stuff it in mouth if she wants)
FLO:  Give that back.
ALLY:  Never.   

(ALLY starts to take off with paper.   JOHN who seems to have been passed out trips ALLY during her escape and the paper comes flying out.  FLO snatches it up)
FLO:  Got it!
ALLY:  You're all going to pay for this.
BERTHA:  (Looks at paper in FLO's hands with spyglass)   Yes, it says that here too.  We'll all have to pay for this if Bonney loses.
FLO:  Pay for what?
BERTHA:  I don't know.  Ally swallowed that part.
BONNEY:  Must we fight?
ALLY:  What's the matter?  Worried about breaking a nail?   (Grabs BONNEY's finger and twists... AUDIENCE: BOO!)   Messing up your hair.  

(ALLY messes up BONNEY's hair.   AUDIENCE:  BOO)
JOHN:  Hold it right there, Capone.  

ALLY:  Oh, look.  The town drunk.   What you gonna do... kill me with your breath?
JOHN:  I've sworn to protect Bonney and the Candy Kitchen.  These here are decent people and I intend to help them get free of you once and for all.
ALLY: Well, well.  This is a new side of you that I've never seen.
JOHN:  I've been waiting for the right moment, Capone, and this is it.   (BONNEY and JOHN square off)
ALLY:  Prepare to meet your maker, Miller.
BONNEY:   Wait, wait. Please.   I can't allow this to happen.  Isn't there another way?
FLO:  Wait.   Here in the contract is says there is another way...
BERTHA:  What does it say?
FLO:  It says... oh, no.
BERTHA:  What?
FLO:  That Bonney can marry one of Ally's brothers.
BONNEY:  Oh, no.   That's worse than fighting.
BERTHA:  No, kidding.  Have you seen her brothers?
ALLY:  Al's not so bad but he's taken.   But there are my other brothers... (Goes out to audience and gets some guys)   There's my brother Cal... (FLO helps get them on stage and she and BERTHA take them aside and explain they have to act as rude and crude as possible and give them silly hats or something)   My brother Sal...  (and gets another guy) and my brother Gal.   

(Her brother Gal gets a woman's wig)

ALLY:  Let's meet the eligible bachelors...   Brother #1 is Cal Capone.  He can impress with her belching ability (RECORDING HERE?)  or simply enjoy his drooling.   Or be amazed by his Brother #2, Sal Capone, who is known for ability to make the most realistic armpit noises (get whoopee cushion for this).     And finally there's Brother #3, Gal Capone.  If you call him a mama's boy... well, that would be an understatement.
(BONNEY can interview the guys and BERTHA and FLO can feed them silly answers)
BONNEY:  Flo.  Please tell me there's another way.
FLO:  I can't see anything.
ALLY:  Now pick one, Bonney and you're free.   (FLO and BERTHA try to get guys to be as icky as possible)
JOHN:  Don't do it, Bonney.  It's not worth it.   Let me handle her.
BONNEY:  No, John.  She'll never leave me alone unless I take care of this on my own.
ALLY:  Which one audience?   (She tries to get audience to yell out their votes, #1, #2, #3)
BONNEY:  I think I'll take the hand to hand combat.  (FLO and BERTHA try to get guys to react, anger, pout, cry, etc.)
AUDIENCE: AHHH as Guys leave
ALLY:   So you want to take me on, do you Bonney?
BONNEY:  If it means I can save Candy Kitchen Ranch and turn it into a legitimate business, then yes.
ALLY:   Then draw.   (ALLY whips out a pencil and henchman rushes in with paper so she can do a quick sketch)
BERTHA:  No, no, no.  Says here that we get to pick the style of combat.
ALLY:  We?  We who?
BERTHA:  The patrons of this bar and the audience.
ALLY:  Curses!   I'm so good at drawing.
BONNEY:  That is rather nice.  Is that a puppy?  
ALLY:  My favorite puppy.  I loved that puppy more than anything.  And then Billy the Kid came along and killed it.
BONNEY:  I did not... I mean, he would never kill an innocent puppy.
ALLY:  He did.  I saw it.   And I swore if I ever found Billy the Kid, I'd make him pay.
JOHN:  (Looks nervous)   Gotta go to the outhouse.  (Exits into audience.  Gets newspaper from under a chair and sits and reads)
ALLY:  So you think you can take me, Bonney?  (They face off and circle)
BONNEY:  I know for a fact I fight like Billy the Kid.
ALLY:  Well, you're as ugly as he is.
JOHN:  (From audience)  Boo!
(BOO sign and AUDIENCE boos and kids throw things)
BONNEY:  You think you can take me, Ally?
ALLY:  I was taught hand to hand combat by none other than Calamity Jane.
ALLY talks trash while BONNEY tries to kill her with kindness.
BERTHA:  That's the sorriest bunch of insults I've ever heard.
FLO:  Maybe the audience can show us how it's done?
Do "Questions Only" game with Audience members.  Topic: Old West Insults
JOHN:  (To audience winner in Questions only)   See, ladies. That's how it is done.
ALLY and BONNEY go at it again but are stopped by BERTHA.
BERTHA:  Save it, ladies.   To your corners.
FLO:   So audience.   What style of combat do you chose?
BERTHA:  Let's give them a little sample of each.
Combat – BERTHA and FLO call out different suggestions from audience including arm wrestling, Sumo wrestling (floaties under shirts), Star Wars (lightsabers), Matrix (try lifting BONNEY), etc.
BONNEY and ALLY do samples of each and audience decides

(ROCK MUSIC such as Queen's "We will rock you" and STROBE LIGHTS)

BERTHA and FLO:  (Do pro-wrestling type intro of both ALLY and BONNEY)
(They fight in the style the AUDIENCE picks. SOUND EFFECTS)
ALLY wins (BOO sign and AUDIENCE boos and kids throw things)
ALLY:  I need everyone to leave us alone a moment.
JOHN: What are you up to now, Capone?
ALLY:  Nothing.  Just a little girl talk.
BONNEY:  It's okay, John.
JOHN:  Fine, but I'll be close by.   (Everyone leaves except ALLY and BONNEY)
ALLY:   I'm very disappointed in you, Bonney.   I expected more from Billy the Kid.
BONNEY:  You know I'm really The Kid?
ALLY:  I've known from before I helped you build Candy Kitchen Ranch.    I was hoping I would turn you into a powerful friend, but instead you've made me your enemy.
BONNEY:  I'm tired of being an outlaw.  I wanted to try and do something good for a change.   I've always been trying to do what's right, but things always seem to go wrong for me.   (AUDIENCE: Ahhh)
ALLY:  (Secretly pulls out rope)   Well, that's all over now.
BONNEY:  Why's that?
ALLY:  (Throws rope around her)   Because I'm going to blow you up.
ALLY:  (Sits her down and henchmen bring in TNT)  Say hello to Mr. Powder Keg, Bonney.   He's gonna be your only friend on your trip to the great beyond.
BONNEY:  Let me go you fiend.
ALLY:  (Lights fuse and HISSING SOUND)  See you later, Ally-gator. (Evil laugh)  Ally-gator... get it?  Ally-gator?  (FUSE HISSING SOUND EFFECT through following)
BONNEY:  I don't get it.
ALLY:  Oh, be quiet.  I'm off to enjoy my brewery.  This should be just enough blasting power to blow up your precious candy operation and spare my little still in the other part of the ranch.
BONNEY:  You'll never get away with this.
ALLY:  I already have.   And now I can focus all my efforts on my brewery.   I plan to make a variety of alcoholic beverages for all the enjoy... (tells audience about all her flavors)
BONNEY:  Help!  Help!
ALLY:  Quiet you.   (Tells more)
BONNEY:  Can anyone save me?

ALLY:  Good-bye, Bonney.   (Goes off the brewery)




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