PROFESSOR PROBE
Scene for 3 Actors
(monologue version below)
(Knock at door. JACOB opens door and PROBE enters.
He looks a bit like Doc from Back to the Future
and wears gadgets all over his body so he looks
a bit steampunk)
Scene for 3 Actors
(monologue version below)
(Knock at door. JACOB opens door and PROBE enters.
He looks a bit like Doc from Back to the Future
and wears gadgets all over his body so he looks
a bit steampunk)
JACOB (CONT.)
Professor Probe, I presume?
PROBE
You presume correctly. We have no time to waste.
We must rescue your friend from the clutches of those
abominable aliens before it is too late.
We must rescue your friend from the clutches of those
abominable aliens before it is too late.
JACOB
Actually JJ got back a little bit ago.
PROBE
He escaped?!
JACOB
But he’s acting really weird.
PROBE
They must have done something to him.
JACOB
Something is definitely wrong.
(JJ enters looking sick)
JJ
Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer to go to the hospital.
(JJ falls on the sofa)
JACOB
Good news, JJ. Professor Probe is here to help.
(JJ jumps up)
JJ
What?!
PROBE
Stay calm, my boy. I’m here to help you deal with those creatures.
JJ
I don’t want you to deal with them. I like them now. Go away!
PROBE
You’ve fallen victim to their brainwashing too. But I can help.
(JJ is getting emotional)
JJ
I don’t want you to help… I want you to leave and never come back.
PROBE
What are you saying?
JJ
I’m saying that they aren’t bad, Professor. They’re the
most wonderful girls I’ve ever met. They made me feel more
wonderful than anyone else ever before. They rocked my world.
most wonderful girls I’ve ever met. They made me feel more
wonderful than anyone else ever before. They rocked my world.
PROBE
They’ll do more than that to your world if we don’t stop them.
JJ
Stay away from them, Professor, or you’ll have me to deal with.
And you don’t want me as your enemy.
And you don’t want me as your enemy.
JACOB
Yeah, might he do to your bathroom what he just did to mine.
(JJ looks at JACOB hurt)
JJ
I can’t believe you. Why do say such mean things? I thought
we were friends!
we were friends!
(JJ cries, falls on the sofa and buries
his head in the pillows. PROBE looks at
JACOB puzzled)
his head in the pillows. PROBE looks at
JACOB puzzled)
PROBE
Does he normally act this way?
JACOB
No. The only thing I’ve seen him tear up about is when we
ran out of beer. But he won’t even drink beer now.
It makes him sick.
ran out of beer. But he won’t even drink beer now.
It makes him sick.
PROBE
I’ve never seen anything like this.
JACOB
You deal with a lot of alien encounters?
PROBE
Ever since SpaceLoot got popular, I’ve been encountering
all kinds of strange occurrences. UFO sightings, cows
getting turned inside out, reports of nightly probings…
all kinds of strange occurrences. UFO sightings, cows
getting turned inside out, reports of nightly probings…
JACOB
Tabloid kind of stuff.
PROBE
Real news covered up by the media. SpaceLoot is powerful.
The major news networks wouldn’t dare do anything that
would lose their SpaceLoot advertising dollars so they
keep it all hush hush. This is the closest I’ve come to
finding one of these creatures in action.
The major news networks wouldn’t dare do anything that
would lose their SpaceLoot advertising dollars so they
keep it all hush hush. This is the closest I’ve come to
finding one of these creatures in action.
(JJ gets up and wipes away his tears)
JJ
Stop calling them creatures! They’re most wonderful girls
I’ve ever met. They’re angels.
I’ve ever met. They’re angels.
PROBE
JJ. When you first called me, you were telling me a much
different story. You said they were brainwashing people
with their coffee.
different story. You said they were brainwashing people
with their coffee.
JJ
But that was before they showed me how wonderful they could be.
They made me feel like I was the most important man on Earth.
They made me feel like I was the most important man on Earth.
PROBE
And maybe you are, JJ.
JACOB
What? Are you serious?
PROBE
I’ve found many strange documents in an unknown language
during my years of research and I have slowly translated it.
The aliens have come to Earth looking for the chosen one
who will save their species.
during my years of research and I have slowly translated it.
The aliens have come to Earth looking for the chosen one
who will save their species.
JACOB
You think JJ might be… the chosen one?
(JACOB tries not to laugh)
JJ
They sure made me feel like the chosen one last night.
Wowsa. What a night.
Wowsa. What a night.
PROBE
Maybe there is something unique about you that makes
you ideal for their mission.
you ideal for their mission.
JACOB
JJ is one of a kind, that’s for sure.
JJ
That’s what everyone is always telling me. I’m special.
They had special programs for me in school and everything.
They had special programs for me in school and everything.
PROBE
Special programs in school? Maybe they’ve been preparing
you all along.
you all along.
JACOB
I think he might mean a different kind of special program.
PROBE
This is all making sense. And the time has never been
better for them to make their move. They’ve already
achieved world domination by having a SpaceLoot coffee
shop on every street corner.
better for them to make their move. They’ve already
achieved world domination by having a SpaceLoot coffee
shop on every street corner.
JACOB
That’s world domination? I thought they had to be in
control of government or something?
control of government or something?
PROBE
They are… through their coffee. They control everyone who drinks it.
JJ
You stop this crazy talk right now and leave my girls alone.
If you dare put one finger on them, I’m gonna get out a big
old can of whoop-ass.
If you dare put one finger on them, I’m gonna get out a big
old can of whoop-ass.
(JJ moves toward PROBE who pulls out a
strange device)
strange device)
PROBE
Calm down, JJ. I don’t want to do anything that we’ll both regret.
JACOB
Hey! What are you doing? What is that thing?
PROBE
It’s a stunning device. I come prepared.
JACOB
You’re a guest in my home. You have no right to come in here
shooting my friends.
shooting my friends.
(PROBE backs away from both JJ and JACOB now)
PROBE
This thing is only good for one shot, which is why I carry
more than one!
more than one!
(PROBE pulls out another strange device)
JJ
Get him!
(JJ and JACOB jump on PROBE. There is a
shocking sound and the lights flicker.
They are all on the ground for a minute.
JACOB and JJ help each other up)
shocking sound and the lights flicker.
They are all on the ground for a minute.
JACOB and JJ help each other up)
JACOB
I think his equipment backfired.
JJ
We took you down, bro! That’s what you get for trying to mess
with my ladies.
with my ladies.
JACOB
What do we do with him?
JJ
Take him for a long walk off a short pier?
JACOB
Sure, I’ll get the cement galoshes.
JJ
Okay.
JACOB
I was kidding. I’m not going to dump him in the Puget Sound
and hope for the best.
and hope for the best.
JJ
I better tell the girls about him. They’ll know what to do.
JACOB
You sure that’s a good idea? That might get mad that you
told him about them in the first place.
told him about them in the first place.
JJ
You’re right.
(JJ starts to cry)
JJ (CONT.)
I betrayed them.
JACOB
Are you crying again? What is wrong with you?
(JJ is still crying)
JJ
I don’t know. Got any more ice cream? And some pickles.
Got any pickles?
Got any pickles?
(JJ exits)
JACOB
Pickles and ice cream?
(JACOB gets a weird look on his face)
JACOB (CONT.)
And mood swings…
(JACOB looks frightened)
JACOB (CONT.)
No way… we really need to get some help.
(JACOB stands over PROBE trying to figure
out what to do)
out what to do)
END OF SCENE
from the play
Rednecks vs Aliens
Buy a low cost PDF of the full play at
https://sellfy.com/p/VoFU/
PROFESSOR PROBE
PROFESSOR PROBE
PROFESSOR PROBE
monologue version for male actor
PROBE
monologue version for male actor
PROBE
Ever since SpaceLoot got popular, I’ve been encountering
all kinds of strange occurrences. UFO sightings, cows
getting turned inside out, reports of nightly probings…
all kinds of strange occurrences. UFO sightings, cows
getting turned inside out, reports of nightly probings…
Real news covered up by the media. SpaceLoot is powerful.
The major news networks wouldn’t dare do anything that
would lose their SpaceLoot advertising dollars so they
keep it all hush hush. This is the closest I’ve come to
finding one of these creatures in action. JJ. When you
first called me, you were telling me a much different story.
You said they were brainwashing people with their coffee.
The major news networks wouldn’t dare do anything that
would lose their SpaceLoot advertising dollars so they
keep it all hush hush. This is the closest I’ve come to
finding one of these creatures in action. JJ. When you
first called me, you were telling me a much different story.
You said they were brainwashing people with their coffee.
I’ve found many strange documents in an unknown language
during my years of research and I have slowly translated it.
The aliens have come to Earth looking for the chosen one
who will save their species.
during my years of research and I have slowly translated it.
The aliens have come to Earth looking for the chosen one
who will save their species.
Maybe there is something unique about you that makes
you ideal for their mission.
you ideal for their mission.
This is all making sense. And the time has never been
better for them to make their move. They’ve already
achieved world domination by having a SpaceLoot coffee
shop on every street corner.
better for them to make their move. They’ve already
achieved world domination by having a SpaceLoot coffee
shop on every street corner.
Through their coffee... They control everyone who drinks it.
END OF MONOLOGUE
