THE APARTMENT
scene for 2-3 actors
DEBBY: Are you okay, Dotty?
DOTTY: Yeah, I guess so.
DEBBY: You seem kind of down. Why don’t you come out and do something
fun with me tonight?
fun with me tonight?
DOTTY: I don’t really like the guys you hang out with. They’re a little too wild for me.
DEBBY: We won’t be single forever. Come on and live a little.
DOTTY: I’m trying to focus on my career. That’s why I’m reading all these
scripts and studying scenes tonight. I want to be ready for next week.
scripts and studying scenes tonight. I want to be ready for next week.
DEBBY: Oh, I see. You’re hoping to meet some rich producer or director or
famous actor to marry.
famous actor to marry.
DOTTY: The only thing I’m married to is my career.
DEBBY: How boring.
DOTTY: No, it’s been my dream. This is what I’ve wanted to do my whole life.
Be an actress. It means everything to me. While you were playing doctor and
post office, I was playing dress up and pretend. I’ve always played around at
being someone else, on grand adventures, dreaming of transforming myself
into other people who live amazing lives.
Be an actress. It means everything to me. While you were playing doctor and
post office, I was playing dress up and pretend. I’ve always played around at
being someone else, on grand adventures, dreaming of transforming myself
into other people who live amazing lives.
DEBBY: But that’s just pretend. Maybe you should try living an amazing life.
DOTTY: Hmmm. I hadn’t thought of it that way.
DEBBY: You might be missing out on some incredible real experiences.
And real life can benefit you as an actor. How can you pretend to be in
love when you’ve never really loved? How can you act like someone
who has a broken heart if you’ve never had a broken heart?
And real life can benefit you as an actor. How can you pretend to be in
love when you’ve never really loved? How can you act like someone
who has a broken heart if you’ve never had a broken heart?
DOTTY: You have a point.
DEBBY: I dated some guy recently and it was the most amazing two weeks.
He took me dancing and he was wonderful. He said that I was the reason
he could dance so well. Being with me made him feel like he was floating on clouds.
He took me dancing and he was wonderful. He said that I was the reason
he could dance so well. Being with me made him feel like he was floating on clouds.
DOTTY: He said that?
DEBBY: He actually did. What a dork. I’ve never been with such a sappy,
romantic guy before. But it was kind of fun. We went for long walks in the park
and fed ducks. And we went ice skating. I’ve never been before so he kept
having to hold me up. I felt so helpless and so comforted at the same time.
romantic guy before. But it was kind of fun. We went for long walks in the park
and fed ducks. And we went ice skating. I’ve never been before so he kept
having to hold me up. I felt so helpless and so comforted at the same time.
DOTTY: This isn’t your usual kind of guy. How come you didn’t tell me about him before?
DEBBY: Because he was also kind of creepy.
DOTTY: There’s always a catch with those guys, isn’t there?
DEBBY: Yeah, just when I thought I had met the guy of my dreams, you
know the kind of guy you want to get a house with… the white picket fence
kind of house where you can see yourself having kids and being taken care of.
know the kind of guy you want to get a house with… the white picket fence
kind of house where you can see yourself having kids and being taken care of.
DOTTY: This was serious.
DEBBY: Then his creepy side came out.
DOTTY: What happened?
DEBBY: He took me to one of those old fashioned soda fountains which
I thought was cute at first, but he wanted to share my drink. He stuck his
straw in my drink and gave a big all lusty suck and said it tasted better
when he drank from the same glass as me.
I thought was cute at first, but he wanted to share my drink. He stuck his
straw in my drink and gave a big all lusty suck and said it tasted better
when he drank from the same glass as me.
DOTTY: Aw, that’s not creepy. That’s kind of cute.
DEBBY: Maybe I should fix you up with this guy then.
DOTTY: Maybe you got scared being serious about a guy for once and you
decided to find something bad to focus on so you could have an excuse to dump him.
decided to find something bad to focus on so you could have an excuse to dump him.
DEBBY: He was far from perfect.
DOTTY: What else was wrong with him?
DEBBY: He wasn’t rich.
DOTTY: You have to be kidding me. That’s why you dumped him? Because he’s poor?
DEBBY: I’m tired of being poor.
DOTTY: But shouldn’t you marry for love? Love lasts longer than money.
DEBBY: I seriously doubt it.
DOTTY: So no matter how great the guy is, if he doesn’t have money, then you’re not interested?
DEBBY: Money isn’t enough. He has to be smart and good looking too.
DOTTY: You’re impossible.
DEBBY: Geez. At least I have standards.
DOTTY: I have standards.
DEBBY: Like what?
DOTTY: I want to meet a man who loves me for who I am and supports my dreams.
He won’t ask me to change, but accept all my imperfections. I don’t want to be some
guy’s project and have him turn me into his mother. And I want to love the man for
who he is and not have to work him over and mold him into something he’s not.
If you don’t love someone for who they really are then they’re not right for you.
I know I have a lot of odd quirks and strange ways of looking at things. I don’t want
to have to hide all that from someone and pretend to be someone I’m not.
Take me as I am, boys. This girl comes “as is.”
He won’t ask me to change, but accept all my imperfections. I don’t want to be some
guy’s project and have him turn me into his mother. And I want to love the man for
who he is and not have to work him over and mold him into something he’s not.
If you don’t love someone for who they really are then they’re not right for you.
I know I have a lot of odd quirks and strange ways of looking at things. I don’t want
to have to hide all that from someone and pretend to be someone I’m not.
Take me as I am, boys. This girl comes “as is.”
DEBBY: If the guy has enough money, he can mold me into anything he wants.
DOTTY: All those acting classes will come in handy.
DEBBY: That’s right. Give me a guy who has looks, brains and money and I’ll transform
into any woman he asks for.
into any woman he asks for.
DOTTY: Wouldn’t that get tiresome after awhile?
DEBBY: Then I divorce him and take all his money.
DOTTY: Wow, maybe I should warn all the men about you.
DEBBY: I’ll give you some of the money.
DOTTY: Consider these lips sealed.
DEBBY: Thanks, Dotty. You’re a good friend.
DOTTY: I try.
DEBBY: So you want to go out and have some fun tonight?
DOTTY: I don’t know.
DEBBY: Or do you want me to give you the number of the creepy romantic guy?
DOTTY: How poor is he?
DEBBY: Ha! See! It does matter.
DOTTY: I was joking.
DEBBY: I think there was a shred of truth hiding in your sarcasm.
DOTTY: If I go do something with you tonight, will you leave me alone tomorrow night?
I have a bunch of auditions to get ready for.
I have a bunch of auditions to get ready for.
DEBBY: It’s a deal. Let’s get you all dolled up. I have this new outfit you’ll like.
DOTTY: You can’t afford a new outfit. We still have to pay the rent!
DEBBY: Oh, lighten up, Dotty.
(DEBBY brings out the new dress)
DOTTY: That looks expensive! I can’t afford to pay your half of the rent again.
DEBBY: This evening just got a lot less fun.
DOTTY: Did you keep the receipt? Take the dress back.
DEBBY: But it’s a present for you. You wouldn’t turn down a present and hurt my feelings.
(DOTTY smiles and takes the dress)
DOTTY: So it’s a present for me?
DEBBY: Yes!
(DOTTY gets an evil look)
DOTTY: Then I’ll return it and get the money back.
DEBBY: No!
DOTTY: Where did you buy it?
DEBBY: You make me so mad.
DOTTY: I make you mad?! Because I want to pay the rent and keep us from
getting kicked out of our apartment?!
getting kicked out of our apartment?!
DEBBY: Keep your voice down. You might give the landlady ideas.
(Pounding on the door)
DOTTY: Oh, no.
DEBBY: Now you’ve done it. You know these walls are paper thin.
{{**2 actor version of scene can end here**}}
{{**2 actor version of scene can end here**}}
(DOTTY goes to door)
DOTTY: Don’t worry. It’s a friend of mine.
(DOTTY opens door and it is CAMERON)
CAMERON: Hi, Dotty.
DOTTY: Hi, Cameron. This is my roomate Debby.
CAMERON: Nice to meet you.
DOTTY: So what did you find out from the studio? Do they want me to be on your show?
CAMERON: I’m really sorry, Dotty, but I couldn’t pull it off. People really liked you though.
You even got some fan mail.
You even got some fan mail.
(DOTTY excitedly takes the papers CAMERON gives her)
DOTTY: My first fan mail!
DEBBY: Maybe you can get some of your fans to help pay the rent.
CAMERON: I did find out about a talent show you might be interested in.
DEBBY: Talent show. That’s for amateurs.
CAMERON: First prize is $100,000 and a performance contract.
DEBBY: Sign me up!
DOTTY: That’s amazing, Cameron. Thanks so much for telling us about this.
CAMERON: It is the least I could do. It was a lot of fun reporting with you.
The most fun I think I’ve had on my job. Take care, Dotty.
The most fun I think I’ve had on my job. Take care, Dotty.
DOTTY: Thanks so much!
(CAMERON goes)
DEBBY: This is great. This could really save us.
DOTTY: You think we can win?
DEBBY: What do we have to lose?
DOTTY: Our dignity.
DEBBY: I lost that a long time ago. Let’s do this.
END OF SCENE
Book:
from the published play
“Blondes Prefer Gentlemen”
ISBN-13: 978-1985331877
Book:
Low cost PDF of full play:
