Saturday, September 7, 2019

Corporal Wayne and Major Pain short script for 2 actors


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(WAYNE wears a soldier’s uniform and is packing things into a duffle bag. NICK, a younger brother, watches him from behind something. WAYNE smiles and holds up his phone like a walkie-talkie)

WAYNE: This is Corporal Jones contacting command. I’m detecting an unknown entity in my perimeter.

NICK: It’s just me, Wayne.

WAYNE: I can never be too careful.

NICK: What’s a corple?

WAYNE: Corporal. Two stripes.

(WAYNE points to the two stripes on his arm)

NICK: Does that mean you’re in charge?

WAYNE: Not really.

NICK: So who’s in charge?

WAYNE: Lots of people. Sergeants, lieutenants…

NICK: Captains?

WAYNE: Yes, sir. And majors.

NICK: I’m a major.

WAYNE: Really? I didn’t know that.

NICK: Yup. The army called me and made me a major.

WAYNE: So that’s how you become a major? I always wondered how that happened.

NICK: I’m your boss now and you have to do everything I say.

(WAYNE stands at attention and salutes)

WAYNE: Yes, sir.

(NICK tries to look tough and tall. He salutes back).

NICK: I order you to get me a juice.

WAYNE: Yes, sir.

(WAYNE rushes off and brings back a juice box)

NICK: And an apple.

WAYNE: Sir, yes, sir.

(WAYNE rushes out and gets an apple)

NICK: Now drop and give me a 1,000.

WAYNE: A 1,000?

NICK: How about 5?

WAYNE: Yes, sir.

(WAYNE drops to the floor and does 5 push ups)

NICK: I saw that in a movie once.

(WAYNE finishes and stands at attention)

WAYNE: Yes, sir. 

NICK: Can you say anything else to a major?

WAYNE: Yes, sir.

NICK: Like what?

WAYNE: No, sir.

NICK: That’s it?

WAYNE: No, ma’am.

NICK: It’s like a game. Speaking of games. I order you to go get Monopoly. I want to play.

(WAYNE breaks out of his soldier routine)

WAYNE: Sorry, Nick, but I have to go soon.

(NICK gets angry)

NICK: But I ordered you! I’m a major!

WAYNE: My ride will be here soon. I have to go. 

(NICK’s eyes fill with angry tears)

NICK: No, I order you to stay!

WAYNE: What is wrong with you?

NICK: I don’t want you to go.

(NICK hugs WAYNE with all his strength)

WAYNE: I’m really sorry, but they need me.

NICK: I need you more.

WAYNE: Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon. 

NICK: Will you?

WAYNE: What do you mean?

NICK: What if you get hurt?

(WAYNE pauses and looks worried. He sits down with NICK and tries to get him to make eye contact)

WAYNE: Is that why you are so upset? Because you’re worried I won’t come back.

(NICK cries as he speaks)

NICK: I saw it on the news. They said some soldiers got hurt. I don’t want you to get hurt.

WAYNE: Don’t worry. I’ll be okay.

NICK: But what if you’re not. What if one of those majors is stupid and tells you to do something bad and you get hurt? I won’t let them. I order you to stop. I order you to stay home!

(NICK cries and WAYNE holds him until he calms down)

WAYNE: I’m so sorry, Nick. But I have to go.

NICK: I know.

(NICK wipes away his tears and gets up. He gets WAYNE”s bag, hugs it and then gives it to WAYNE)

WAYNE: That’s my brave soldier.

NICK: I have something for you. Please wait a second while I get it. Please don’t leave yet.

(NICK exits. WAYNE looks at his phone and then goes to the window to look outside. He sees someone and waves. NICK returns).

WAYNE: My ride is here.

NICK: I have something for you. It will protect you.

(NICK gives WAYNE a coin)

WAYNE: Isn’t this your lucky coin?

NICK: Yes, it helps me get good grades and helped get a free milkshake once.

WAYNE: You’re giving it to me.

NICK: It will protect you. It will keep you safe.

WAYNE: And get me free milkshakes?

(They laugh and cry)

NICK: Yes.

WAYNE: Thank you, Nick. I love you.

NICK: I love you too, Wayne. So much.

WAYNE: I will see you soon.

(NICK takes WAYNE’s hand, the one holding the lucky coin, and holds it to his ear)

NICK: The lucky coin says yes.

(They hug, and then WAYNE exits. NICK goes to the window and salutes)



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