MYSTERY OF THE GANGSTER GHOST
ACT 1 SCENE 7 -
THE HYSTERICAL HISTORY OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION
(BAILIFF [can be played by ELIOT] rushes in to PETE)
It was Capone.
Tell me about it.
Capone ended up in front of Judge
Oh great. Our most corrupt Judge
facing off against our most
It wasn’t pretty.
(Lights come up and the stage is now transformed in to a
(Al CAPONE stands at the defendant’s table smiling talking
and waving to the crowded courtroom [the "fans" of Al Capone
can either be on stage or in the audience as if the audience
is a part of the courtroom]. A very nervous BAILIFF is
trying to keep control)
Everyone. Sit down. Quiet! The
judge will be here any moment.
I appreciate you all coming here
and showing your support today.
We love you, Mr. Capone!
I love you back, doll.
You’re our hero, Capone!
All of you are heroes to me. You
all get out there every day and
face the harsh world out there. No
jobs, losing your homes, not sure
where your next meal is coming from.
But you feed us. You give us jobs.
Who else does that?
Why is he even here? This ain’t
right? They shouldn’t have him on
trial. They should have President
Hoover on trial!
(PEOPLE cheer at this. BAILIFF tries to get people to calm down)
Al Capone for President!
(PEOPLE cheer more)
"Vote early and often!"
Settle down you! Or I’ll run the
lot of you in for disturbing the peace.
(People boo at BAILIFF who nervously backs away. A child
runs up to Capone and stands on a chair near him)
Thank you for the bicycle, Mr. Capone!
You bet, kiddo.
He buys kids bicycles, he feeds us
with his soup kitchens, gets food
to our kids in school, he gives us
work. Set him free!
(PEOPLE starts chanting)
Set him free! Set him free!
(BAILIFF is really happy when he sees Judge RUTHERFORD
Please rise for the honorable Judge
(PEOPLE start booing. Judge, RUTHERFORD, gets up on bench
and gives the PEOPLE a very evil stare. The booing dies
down. RUTHERFORD sits and CAPONE motions them to sit too)
I will clear this courtroom if
there are any more outbursts from
the mob gathered here.
Don’t worry, Judge. These good
people won’t disturb the peace... I
assure you, they are no mob.
Well, you’d certainly know a mob if
you saw one.
(PEOPLE start to boo, RUTHERFORD bangs his gavel, BAILIFF
nervously reaches for his gun but CAPONE calms them down)
Seems like you’ve been listening to
rumors, Judge. I thought justice
Blind but not stupid, Mr.
Capone. Sit down or I’ll find you
Settle down, tiger.
You will refer to me at your honor!
"Now I know why tigers eat their
Now, now. "Don’t you get the idea
I’m one of those... radicals. Don’t
get the idea I’m knocking the
American system." I’m all for justice.
Then you’ll be pleased to hear I’ve
replaced the jury with an entirely
new group of people for your trial.
It appears that the last jury was bribed.
Bribed? How strange. By whom?
Don’t play innocent with me. Your
corruption is well known. You’re a
well-known leader of illegal
"I am like any other man. All I do
is supply a demand."
You live like a King in a time when
people are out of work and
Judge, you live like a king and you
ain’t even earned it like me.
That’s it! Bailiff!
(BAILIFF heads for Capone and reaches for a firearm but VERA
pulls a gun from her purse and holds it at BAILIFF’s head)
"You can get more with a nice word
and a gun than you can with a nice word."
You’re in contempt, Capone!
I simply don’t think you’re the
right man for this trial... your
honor. Unless a corrupt man is
more fit to judge corruption.
Sorry, your honor. I’m a bit busy.
(VERA takes Bailiff’s gun and forces him in to a chair)
You say that I’m corrupt because of
my success in a time of economic
woe. But what about you... a
servant of the people... how did
you get so prosperous?
I’m not on trial here, Capone.
Maybe you should be.
(PEOPLE cheer. MUGSY and PUGSY grab Rutherford. CAPONE
takes RUTHERFORD’s spot on the bench)
Unhand me! Get down from there!
Order in the court.
So who should be on trial here... a
man who helps the people or a man
who uses abuses his honorable
position for person gain?
I don’t have to listen to this.
But you do. Sit down.
(MUGSY and PUGSY force RUTHERFORD in to defendant’s chair)
Now I may have two homes, but you
have five, your honor. I have a
Cadillac... you have two. I have a
yacht... you have two. While I’m
completely sober at work...
(CAPONE pulls out a flask from the bench.)
You appear to get quite drunk.
People react strongly to Capone pulling out the flask.
You planted that there. That’s not mine.
Your honor... how did you come by
alcoholic beverages during Prohibition?
It’s not mine!
What’s this engraving on the
flask? Initials? JFR?
Joseph Franklin Rutherford!
No, JFR could mean anything.
Justice For Rich? Just For
Rutherford? Jump For Riches?
All in favor of the honorable Judge
Rutherford going to jail instead
citizen Capone say ay!
Take him away!
(MUGSY and PUGSY are joined by others and drag off
RUTHERFORD and BAILIFF. VERA goes up to CAPONE and sits by
him. He gives her the flask and she takes a drink)
"This American system of ours, call
it Americanism, call it capitalism,
call it what you will, gives each
and every one of us a great
opportunity if we only seize it
with both hands..."
(CAPONE grabs VERA by the shoulders)
"...and make the most of it"
(CAPONE tries to kiss VERA. She squeals and runs. CAPONE
Life! Liberty! and the Pursuit of
END OF SCENE