MYSTERY OF THE GANGSTER GHOST
PART 8
ACT 1 SCENE 6 - THE SONG OF THE TEMPERANCE UNION
(The whole cast or as many actors as desired can come out in
front of the curtain for the following song. The SINGERS
take turn with verses - with all of them singing the chorus
between each verse - all or part of this song can be done)
SINGER: We’re coming, we’re coming, our brave little band On the
right side of temp’rance we do take our stand. We don’t use
tobacco, because we do think That the people who use it are
likely to drink
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: We never eat fruitcake because it has rum, And one little
slice puts a man on the bum. Oh, can you imagine the pitiful
plight Of a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight?
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: A man who eats fruitcake lives a terrible life. He’s mean to
his children and beats on his wife. A man who eats fruitcake
dies a terrible death, With the odor of raisins and rum on
his breath!
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: We never eat cookies because they have yeast, And one little
bite turns a man to a beast. Oh, can you imagine the utter
disgrace Of a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: We never eat peaches because they ferment, And a peach will
ferment at the least little dent. Oh, can you imagine a
sight more obscene, Than a man getting tipsy on peaches and cream!
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: Beware of plum pudding, the kind that they light. They
drench it in brandy so it will ignite. The thought is
revolting to temperate folk, For people go blotto inhaling
the smoke.
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: We never touch coffee; it makes our eyes gleam, At least
when they add Irish whiskey and cream. Oh, can you imagine a
fate more unkind Than sluggin’ down coffee and going stone blind?
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: We never have backrubs because it’s a crime, And we will
oppose them in song and in rhyme. For an alcohol backrub is
worse than straight gin When you think of the liquor
absorbed through the skin.
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: Now if you go hiking and get sores on your feet, Don’t use
rubbing spirits as a means for to treat, ’Cause it seeps
through the pores of your feet by osmosis, And you end up by
having ten drunk little toesis.
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance Union.
SINGER: We never eat cornflakes because they have malt, And we can’t
imagine a much greater fault. Oh, can you imagine a sight
that’s more droll Than a woman at breakfast slumped over her bowl!
CHORUS: Away, away, with rum, by gum, Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum, The song of the Temperance
Union.
(SINGERS exit except for PETE)
