The Hysterical History of Cleopatra
By D. M. Larson
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***
Copyright (c) 2017
All Rights Reserved*
*Please do NOT repost the text of this play online
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CAST OF CHARACTERS
9 or more actors
(as few as 7 with doubling)
2-4 females and 4-6 of any gender
(in order of appearance)
SHU - head of marketing
BABI* - marketing assistant
GEB* - marketing assistant
NUT - marketing assistant that loves snakes
SIRI - Information specialist who wears something like a mysterious cloak with an Apple symbol. She does not like Alexa.
ALEXA - Information specialist who can have an Amazon symbol on her cloak or have an Amazonian look to her. She does not like Siri.
CLEOPATRA** - the Queen of Egypt - need I say more?
SERVANT** - Cleopatra’s administrative assistant
*SIRI’s actor can play CLEOPATRA and ALEXA can play SERVANT if needed - if they double SIRI can have a wig, hood or mask that hides her face so we can easily become CLEOPATRA in the next scene)
BABI and GEB’s lines can be divided up between other actors if more are available
(This is an interactive play with audience participation. Before the play begins, some of the actors should practice the following with the audience. NUT is the chant leader but others in the cast can help. If extra actors are available, you can have someone appear with a sign with the audience phrases in bold)
When NUT cues you with “Cleopatra” say - “All hail Cleopatra!”
When NUT gets excited about snakes, go “Hiss!”
When Alexander the Great is mentioned say, “He’s grrreat!”
When you hear “Little Caesar” say “Pizza! Pizza!”
SCENE 1
SHU
Thank you all for coming. We have a major PR problem here. The Ptolemy family is a royal pain in the Nile and we have to do something about it.
BABI
How we long for the days of Alexander the Great.
AUDIENCE
He’s grrreat!
SHU
Things were great then.
GEB
The Ptolemies had to go and ruin it all. They are a bunch of greedy, self-centered rulers with no concern for the common people.
NUT
What ruler has ever cared about the people?
GEB
Siri? Were any of the pharaohs good to the people?
SIRI
Ramesses II is considered the most successful Pharaoh in Egyptian history making Egypt very rich and prosperous.
BABI
How about you, Alexa? Can you top that?
ALEXA
Queen Hatshepsut achieved a peaceful rule over a prosperous Egypt for over 20 years and created many public works programs that benefited the people.
SHU
The people are very restless under Ptolemy rule. Perhaps it is time for a queen again.
GEB
A queen? Really?
SHU
Indeed. At long last, I believe we have a Ptolemy we can get behind. Her name is… Cleopatra.
(NUT and other cast members get the audience to cheer)
AUDIENCE
All hail Cleopatra!
SIRI
Cleopatra has been joint ruler with her father Ptolemy XII Auletes and then with her brothers Ptolemy XIII and XIV.
BABI
The guys keep dying though.
GEB
They were holding Cleopatra back.
BABI
Why support any of the Ptolemies? They are proud Greeks and refuse to even learn the Egyptian language.
ALEXA
Cleopatra is fluent in Egyptian and Greek as well as 7 other languages. She is the first Ptolemy to learn our language.
SIRI
She says she is the reincarnation of the Egyptian goddess Isis.
BABI
Is that true?
ALEXA
Isis is the goddess of health, marriage and wisdom…
SHU
Never mind, Alexa. The important thing is that we finally have a Queen we can support. And we need to make this work. With the Roman armies growing in power, we have to make ourselves strong again or we’ll be overrun.
SIRI
The Roman armies are led by Julius Caesar.
ALEXA
He wishes to reunite the lands once ruled by Alexander the Great.
AUDIENCE
He’s grrreat.
SHU
Without a united Egypt under a strong ruler, I’m afraid Rome will conquer us. So I have gathered all of you here to develop a PR campaign to get the people behind our Queen.
BABI
Let’s start with a branding campaign. We’ll come up with a new slogan and a cool logo.
NUT
What about something with snakes?
AUDIENCE
Hisssss!
NUT
I love snakes.
BABI
No snakes.
GEB
We can do something with the whole Isis angle. Let’s play up the whole Egyptian goddess reincarnation idea.
BABI
I’ll write some speeches in Egyptian that she can address to the people.
SHU
I’ll schedule some rallies around Egypt. We’ll want to get her out with the people.
GEB
Parades! We must have a grand parade all around Egypt. She’ll arrive at every major city in style.
BABI
And we’ll end with a river cruise back down the Nile to Alexandria.
SIRI
One of Cleopatra’s favorite places there is the Royal Library of Alexandria which is one of the most important libraries in the world where many famous scholars have studied.
SHU
We can end the tour at the library and solidify her image as a wise ruler who will guide her nation with intelligence. Let’s go to work, people.
SIRI
Most of the books in the library are written on papyrus scrolls made from the papyrus plant.
ALEXA
The library was created by Ptolemy I and contains an estimated 400,000 scrolls and books.
SIRI
Ptolemy I is said to be a descendant of Heracles.
ALEXA
Alexandria is named in honor of Alexander the Great.
AUDIENCE
He’s grrrreat!
NUT
Will you two give it a rest?
END OF SCENE
or
***
Copyright (c) 2017
All Rights Reserved*
*Please do NOT repost the text of this play online
