Saturday, March 25, 2017

"Phone It In" Monologue for an Actress about an Actress

By D. M. Larson

Copyright (c) 2017 All Rights Reserved
Please do NOT repost the text of this script online
Contact for permission to use the script.

Purchase a low cost PDF of this script at


(MELINDA is an actress entering a studio to do a voiceover for an animated movie. She is talking to a reporter on her cell phone as she enters)

I always have time for you, Jeanie. I am happy to speak to a reporter of your caliber. I mean it. You’re the best. Of course I don’t mind. I love promoting projects that I am working on and there’s nothing better than sharing this amazing animated feature I’m starring in. Very few people know that Snow White had a sister named Rose Red and this film introduces this amazing character to the world. She is fiesty, spunky and a woman for all little girls to look up to. I don’t think the world was ready for Rose Red until now. Finally women have reached the point where they can have a more progressive and independent woman like Rose Red as a role model. Snow White represents another time where women were to be seen and not heard. But Rose Red is heard. And she has something important to say.

(MELINDA sees someone motioning to her from the sound booth which behind the audience)

Looks like they need me to get to work. The producer has been amazing and incredibly supportive. What a pleasure to work with.

I better go, kiss, kiss.


(Her mood shifts dramatically when she hangs up the phone. She looks at the script and throws it down)

What is this? The movie trailer?  Why I am doing the trailer before we even do the movie?

(Reads a little of the script)

“In a world…”

Really?  You’re starting with “In a world…”?  How original.  Fine. Yes, I’m ready. Say action or something.

(Reads the script)

“In a world of magic, a creature emerges from the depths of the earth, threatening to destroy it. Darkness comes to the land as a mysterious dwarf roams the forest and a prince suddenly disappears from the kingdom. But two sisters have the power to free the land and it’s people from the clutches of this evil. One is named Snow White and the other Rose Red.”

(Looks at sound booth)

So I’m not Snow White or Rose Red?  What am I? The ugly Dwarf creature who brings the darkness?  Oh, I’m an angel. How sweet. I think I’d rather be the dwarf.  I never get anything interesting anymore.

(Calls agent)

I thought I was the lead in this.  No, I’m some angel.  Fine, fine. Whatever.  I better not be getting a pay cut too.

(Hangs up)

Yes, I’m ready. Action.

(Reads script)

“This was once a peaceful land where human and beast lived in harmony.”

(Looks at sound booth where someone has said something to her)

What? Not angelic enough for you? Take what you can get okay. Audiences could care less what I sound like. They just want to see my name on the poster. They probably won’t even know which character I am.  

Look. I didn’t ask to do this, but I need the money, and you need the star power.  I’m the most famous person in this cast. I may have only been 4 years old when my show was a hit but I was loved all over the world. People adored me. They named their little girls after me.

(Sighs. She is fighting back angry tears)

You made me the way I am. You chewed me up and used up my cuteness until there was nothing left but bitterness inside.


I hate all of you!

(Sighs. Calms down)

And I hate myself.

(Nods. Breathes deep and out to calm down)

Yes, I’m done. Let’s finish this. I want to get out of here before the stores close. I am in need of some serious shopping therapy after this.


(Reads script)

“This was once a peaceful land where human and beast lived in harmony. Nature put its trust in humanity to care for the land and take only what was needed. Caretakers not takers. Givers as well as receivers. Finding balance. But a new threat emerged from deep within the Earth. These dark creatures tunneled through the ground and carved out treasures.  They hunted for all that glittered and sparkled in the darkness. These greedy creatures are known to many as the dwarves. Once there were a few scattered groups, but now they overran the forest, digging holes and hoarding their treasures in caves, tearing up the Earth and giving nothing in return. Perhaps there is another way. If a warrior can not stop this dwarven threat, then other means must be found. I will seek out good to fight the evil.  Kindness to undo this greed.”


No I'm not doing it again. I nailed it. I'm not getting paid enough to let you play director. You’ve done how many films? Two? You know how many I've done? More than two that's for sure. And I'm like half your age.

Where's he going? Did I hurt his feelings? Poor guy. Maybe he should have brought his big boy feelings to the studio today.

(Phone rings)

Hello, Donna. No I'm not doing anything important. Just sitting in this back alley recording studio getting animated. I'm nailing it. Perfect on the first take.


The director called you? What did that wonderful man say to you?


What?! He can't fire me! He needs me. This cartoon needs me. It's nothing without my name on it!

(Pause. Breathes.)

Yes I'm calm. What do you mean this was my last chance? Last chance for what?

Can we talk about this later? They’re staring at me.

Bye bye kiss kiss.


So where were we? Can I do that line again? Maybe I could try something a little different. Maybe I could do an accent? Isn't this fairy tale German or something? Let me try it with a German accent….

(Does line again with German accent)

“This was once a peaceful land where human and beast lived in harmony.”

Sure. Laugh. It was funny huh? Maybe a little more comedy is what this cartoon needs.

Why is everyone leaving? We’re not done are we? I have a bunch more lines. I’ll do them a hundred different ways if you want. Please!

They're gone. I'm alone. I’m talking to myself. Do I always talk to myself? I always assume someone is listening. Anyone listening? Anyone? Hello?

It’s just me.

(She tries calling someone but they don’t answer. She packs up her stuff, stands, looks at the studio, sighs and exits quietly)


Copyright (c) 2017 All Rights Reserved
Please do NOT repost the text of this script online

Purchase a low cost PDF of this script at

from the published play
“Blondes Prefer Gentlemen”
ISBN-13: 978-1985331877
Low cost PDF of full play:

Monologue for an Actress about an Actress

Copyright and Royalty

These scripts are published and protected by Copyright (c) 2001-2021.

When you purchase a PDF, you may make as many photocopies as needed (but please do NOT repost online in any way).

Purchasing a PDF of this script gives you the rights to use for:





If you use the script in a paid performance where admission is charged or in a competition, please pay the royalty:

This royalty covers all performances that occur within one month’s time.

IMPORTANT: Please be sure to get permission from your competition for the script before performing it.