HILDA
Splenda? We're ready for you now.
(There is sparkling light and happy music as SPLENDA enters. SPLENDA smiles happily and speaks with almost a coo)
SPLENDA
Hello, everyone. It's lovely to see you all.
(ZORKA makes a gagging motion like SPLENDA makes her ill)
HILDA
So Splenda. Will you give us your first-born child?
SPLENDA
What?
(HILDA pulls out a book)
HILDA
Ooops. Sorry, wrong story.
(Pulls out a different book)
Oh, yes, here it is. Is your daughter Brenda willing to go on a quest for us?
SPLENDA
She has consented to help.
HILDA
Excellent. So send her in?
SPLENDA
Not yet. I wish set a few rules first.
ZORKA
Now she's sounding like a witch.
SPLENDA
You must promise to keep Brenda safe from harm.
HILDA
Done.
SPLENDA
Splendid.
HILDA
That all?
SPLENDA
And not force her to do anything bad.
HILDA
Fine.
SPLENDA
Splendid.
HILDA
Anything else?
SPLENDA
And if she drops below 99.8 on the sweet and sour meter, she's coming home.
HILDA
How about 99.1?
SPLENDA
99.7
HILDA
99.5 and that's my final offer.
SPLENDA
Splendid.
ZORKA
So this means we can make her .4% bad?
HILDA
Quiet you.
SPLENDA
Brenda. You may appear now.
(BRENDA walks in)
GANDOLT
That wasn't very dramatic. Have her go back and try again.
SPLENDA
She come in the most splendid way possible. Without drawing attention to herself.
ZORKA
What fun is that?
HILDA
So does she have any powers?
SPLENDA
She might.
HILDA
Might?
BRENDA
I don't get to practice much.
HILDA
You mean you haven't trained her? You haven't sent her to school?
SPLENDA
In this day and age of magic being at an end, I don't see the point.
GANDOLT
A witch without powers? This won't do at all.
BRENDA
I have powers. I just don't like to show off.
HILDA
I'd feel better if we had a little demo.
BRENDA
Well, I'm not used to doing magic in front of so many people.
ZORKA
Shall we all leave the room?
SWEET
Close our eyes?
(Witches and wizards cackle)
SPLENDA
Never mind, Brenda. Let's go. This was a bad idea.
HILDA
No, wait. We'll take her as is. We just need someone nice. Not magical.
GANDOLT
Not magical? Then how can she save the Prince?
(BRENDA is concerned)
BRENDA
What happened to the Prince?
SNORZ
Sleeping spell. And no, I didn't do it.
GANDOLT
And how can she break the spell without magic?
BRENDA
I have a little magic.
SNORZ
Not powerful enough to break a sleeping spell!
SPLENDA
You don't need magic. You just need a keen mind to ferret out the culprit.
ZORKA
Huh?
BRENDA
You mean like a detective? I'm a good detective.
SPLENDA
Once you find the person who cast the spell, then you get her to break it.
INKANTADORA
And how do you do that?
BRENDA
Well, if we know who cast the spell, they'll be in danger of being turned in. But if you can get them to break the spell without anyone finding out... then she won't get in trouble and everything will be okay.
SPLENDA
Splendid. Very smart.
HILDA
And a little sneaky. She'll do.
SPLENDA
That's the .1%. She gets it from her father.
SWEET
That's what she thinks.
SPLENDA
What was that, dear?
SWEET
Oh, you're so artificial.
HILDA
So Brenda? Are you ready?
BRENDA
Let me get this straight. I either need to find out who put the Prince to sleep or find my own way of waking up the Prince.
GANDOLT
Both is even better.
(GANDOLT pats her on the head and exits)
ZORKA
Good luck, kid. Make us proud.
(ZORKA pats her hard on the back and exits)
SWEET
She doesn't look so sweet to me.
(SWEET gives BRENDA a dirty look and exits)
INKANTADORA
Don't get thrown in a hot spoiling pot...
(Starts to go but stops)
Or chopped up by some woodsman...
(Starts to go but stops)
Or get water thrown on you...
(HILDA chases INKANTADORA)
HILDA
Just go, will you? All of you.
(Other witches and wizards exit except for HILDA, SPLENDA and BRENDA)
SPLENDA
Have a splendid time, dear.
BRENDA
Okay.
SPLENDA
And if you need anything, just tap your magenta mukluks together like so.
(SPLENDA demonstrates)
HILDA
Magenta mukluks?
BRENDA
Thanks, mother. Bye.
(SPLENDA glides out)
HILDA
Thanks again, kid. Stay sweet.
BRENDA
I'll try.
HILDA
(Sighs and mumbles to herself as she leaves)
"Stay sweet." Can't believe I just said that.
(HILDA exits)
or purchase the play
Book (ISBN-13: 978-1502445490):
Low cost PDF:
