“WAITING ON TRAINS” by D. M. Larson
(version for 5 males)
(Lights come up on the waiting room of a train station.
VERN, sits at a ticket window R, reading a magazine
and chewing gum to the beat of a song on the radio.
A businessman, KIRK, works at his laptop computer.
He sits at the R end of long row of uncomfortable chairs
that are linked closely together. A janitor, JIM,
sweeps and cleans the waiting room.
There is an entrance L, a doorway UL,
and an exit to the trains DR. The voice of a
radio announcer comes over VERN's radio)
VERN, sits at a ticket window R, reading a magazine
and chewing gum to the beat of a song on the radio.
A businessman, KIRK, works at his laptop computer.
He sits at the R end of long row of uncomfortable chairs
that are linked closely together. A janitor, JIM,
sweeps and cleans the waiting room.
There is an entrance L, a doorway UL,
and an exit to the trains DR. The voice of a
radio announcer comes over VERN's radio)
RADIO ANNOUNCER
And here's another hit that rocked the '90's as we continue our New Year's countdown.
(Song begins to play)
VERN
(Excited) Oh, I just love this song. (Sings along with the song, badly)
KIRK
(While he is singing) Uh, excuse me. (he ignores him and continues singing)
Excuse me...could you turn that down please... (VERN still sings) Excuse me!
Excuse me...could you turn that down please... (VERN still sings) Excuse me!
(JIM stops his sweeping and goes to VERN)
JIM
Vern?
VERN
(Hearing JIM with no difficulty)
Yeah, Jim?
JIM
Guy over there's wonderin' if you'd turn down the radio.
VERN
Sure. (Turns it down) Sorry, mister.
KIRK
That's quite all right.
(He begins typing again)
JIM
Thanks.
VERN
Hey, no problem.
(he now begins singing again just as loud as ever
even though the radio has been turned down.
KIRK is about ready to skip the train and find a bus.
SAM enters immediately after VERN begins singing again.
SAM rushes up to VERN who stops singing.SAM is out of breath)
even though the radio has been turned down.
KIRK is about ready to skip the train and find a bus.
SAM enters immediately after VERN begins singing again.
SAM rushes up to VERN who stops singing.SAM is out of breath)
SAM
My train. To Seattle. Did I miss it?
VERN
Not that I know of.
SAM
(Annoyed)
Would you check for me please?
(VERN quickly lifts cover of a notepad and then drops it again. Returns to reading magazine)
VERN
It might be late.
SAM
Are you sure?
VERN
Pretty sure.
SAM
Could you be a little more certain?
VERN
About what? The train. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it'll be a train.
(VERN smiles at his joke)
SAM
(Not enjoying the joke) I mean about the time!
VERN
Don't get testy, dude.
(VERN stops reading magazine and looks at SAM. Blows and pops a bubble at SAM.
Glances at pad again)
Glances at pad again)
VERN
They called in and said they'd be in at midnight. (Closes pad) Or it could come at 12:01.
It's hard to be "specific" about these things.
It's hard to be "specific" about these things.
SAM
But that's 30 minutes from now!
VERN
Look. Do you want the train early or do you want it late?
SAM
I want it on time.
VERN
You weren't on time. Why should you expect the train to be?
SAM
Forget it! Just forget we had this whole conversation!
(Walks away)
VERN
Sounds good to me.
(SAM glares at VERN who has returned to reading magazine. SAM turns to sit.
Sees KIRK who is busily typing at his computer. He goes, still in a huff,
to the very opposite end of the row of chairs)
Sees KIRK who is busily typing at his computer. He goes, still in a huff,
to the very opposite end of the row of chairs)
JIM
(Goes to VERN)
Vern. You know what the big guy said about customer courtesy.
VERN
I musta been gone that day.
JIM
You're gone every day. Please, try to be nice.
VERN
I'll be the model of kindness.
(JIM sighs and returns to cleaning. A phone rings in SAM's bag.
A poorly dressed gentleman, some might a bum, named RUT pops up
from where he has been sleeping on the upstage end of the row of chairs)
A poorly dressed gentleman, some might a bum, named RUT pops up
from where he has been sleeping on the upstage end of the row of chairs)
RUT
(Cries to sky)
Hello!
SAM
(Jumps up when he sees RUT)
What in heaven's name?!
RUT
(Ring)
Hello?!
SAM
(To VERN and JIM)
What's this bum doing in here?!
VERN
Sleepin'
RUT
(Ring)
Hello?!
SAM
Shouldn't he be removed?
VERN
What for? He ain't causin' no harm.
RUT
(Ring. Stands on chair, arms to sky)
Hello, God? Is that you?
SAM
Look at him. He's drunk.
VERN
Maybe we're the ones who's drunk and he's the only one who's sober.
SAM
(Gets phone)
Oh, you're just a regular philosopher. (To phone) Hello.
RUT
(Very intensely)
Hello, God.
SAM
(This and RUT's next dialog over lap)
Yes, yes. I'm sorry there's a lot of noise here.
RUT
(Overlapping)
Yes, what? What do you want me to do God?
SAM
(Hand over phone)
Will someone shut him up!
RUT
(Shocked)
Oh, please God. Please don't be angry with me. Please be easy on poor little Rut.
JIM
He thinks you're God.
VERN
`Bout time God had a little competition.
SAM
It's not funny.
RUT
I never said it was funny God.
SAM
(To RUT)
Look here you.
RUT
(Innocent, saintly pose to sky)
Yes, God.
SAM
Quit calling me God. And...will you look at me.
RUT
I am looking God.
SAM
No, not up there; down here.
RUT
(Gets down)
Where?
SAM
(Trying to get in front of him)
Over here.
RUT
(Under chairs)
Where are you God?
SAM
My name's Sam, not God.
RUT
(Shocked)
God's real name is Sam?
SAM
Will someone do something with him? I have an important call here.
RUT
(Stands on chair, to sky)
Please, don't be angry with me God...I mean, oh great Sam. Please don't cut me off.
SAM
(To JIM)
Do something with him or I'll complain to your boss.
JIM
Yes, sir.
(Goes to RUT)
Okay, Rut. That's enough for now. Let's go.
RUT
(As he steps down with JIM's help)
I think I lost my connection.
JIM
We know, Rut.
VERN
Rut lost it long before this.
JIM
(To RUT)
Come on. Let's get you some coffee.
RUT
(As they exit)
Funny. I always imagined that God's voice was a little more grand.
SAM
Thank God!
(Answers phone)
Hello, hello...She hung up.
VERN
Who's that? You're women.
SAM
(Mocking)
No, it's not my woman. It was a very important client who I may have just lost
because of that "thing" out there.
because of that "thing" out there.
VERN
Chill out, dude. It's the holidays. Give it a rest.
SAM
I never rest. That's how I got where I am. Any and every minute of the day is open game
and I take advantage of it.
and I take advantage of it.
(Pause)
Why did I ever come to this little hick town? It's been more trouble than it was worth.
VERN
Hick town? It has at least a quarter million people.
SAM
Like I said, "hick town." Besides I thought we weren't talking anymore.
VERN
Honey. Someone didn't spank you enough as a child.
SAM
I'll be glad when I'm done with this place.
KIRK
(He saves his computer file)
Agreed.
SAM
What's that?
KIRK
I would agree that this trip has been a rather futile one.
SAM
You were at the meeting weren't you?
KIRK
That's right. Kirk King.
SAM
Yes, I remember now.
KIRK
And you're Sam.
SAM
Or God, depending who you're talking to.
KIRK
Huh? Oh, yes, the vagabond. Darn shame all that human potential going to waste.
If he'd merely apply himself...
If he'd merely apply himself...
VERN
Then he'd be like you and he'd be worse off than he is now.
KIRK
Look here Mister...
VERN
Name's Vern, dudue.
KIRK
Look here Mister Vern ...we pay you good money to work here...
VERN
The railroad pays me. Not you.
KIRK
Yes, but they get the money from me.
VERN
Not all of it.
KIRK
That's not the point.
VERN
Then what is the point, dude?
(KIRK is flustered and confused)
SAM
If you valued your job, you would show us a little more respect.
VERN
Hey, dude, they can't get no one else to do this shift. They ain't gonna drop me no time soon.
SAM
(Turns away)
This backward little town. I'm recommending we don't invest here.
VERN
Good, 'cause we don't want ya'.
SAM
I wasn't talking to you.
KIRK
They say this will be the hottest market next year.
SAM
I doubt it. Who'd want to base themselves here?
Between Mister Vern and the cows rollin' in all the time,
who'd have any time to do business?
Between Mister Vern and the cows rollin' in all the time,
who'd have any time to do business?
KIRK
(Becoming cold)
I don't believe our employers would appreciate our conversation.
(Kirk returns to computer work)
SAM
(Glares at him)
Businessman to the end. (Phone rings) I hope that's Cynthia again.
VERN
(Suggestive tone of voice)
Who's Cynthia?
SAM
(Picks up phone. To VERN)
Shut up. (Answers, pausing appropriately) Hello? Hello, Cynthia.
Sorry about the hold earlier. Train stations are the magnets of the lowest life forms.
(Looks at VERN)
How's your party? Yes, sorry I wasn't able to make it.
I'd like to make up for it though. Dinner Thursday night.
My house. Yes, of course...yes, I'm in mixed company also.
(Whispers into phone) Me too... I'll see you later. (Hangs up)
Sorry about the hold earlier. Train stations are the magnets of the lowest life forms.
(Looks at VERN)
How's your party? Yes, sorry I wasn't able to make it.
I'd like to make up for it though. Dinner Thursday night.
My house. Yes, of course...yes, I'm in mixed company also.
(Whispers into phone) Me too... I'll see you later. (Hangs up)
VERN
I thought that was a business call.
SAM
(Feeling boastful)
It was.
VERN
What kind of business you running?
(SAM ignores VERN’s comments and changes the subject)
SAM
Any new info on the train?
VERN
Nope.
SAM
Have you checked?
VERN
Nope.
SAM
Well, are you going to?
VERN
Nope.
SAM
(Returns to chair)
Then there's no use asking.
VERN
Nope.
(SAM glares at him, then sits. SAM puts on a headset and begins meditating)
KIRK
(Computer's power is low)
Come on. (Hits it) My power's low! (To VERN) Do you have an outlet I could use?
VERN
Nope.
(JIM appears)
KIRK
(To JIM)
Quick. I need a charge!
RUT
(Pops up. Holds up a bottle)
Here. This'll charge ya' right up!
KIRK
(To JIM)
Hurry!
JIM
This way. To my office.
(JIM leads him to door UR)
RUT
Suit yourself.
(Drinks. To SAM)
What some, man?
SAM
What's he doing back in here?
VERN
He appears to be offering you a drink.
SAM
I thought the janitor threw him out.
VERN
Life's tough, isn't it?
RUT
Hey, good lookin'. Wanna share a little New Year's cheer? I got a lot right here.
SAM
Get away from me you disgusting brute.
RUT
(Begins to think, which is no small matter)
Ya' know. You sound kinda familiar.
SAM
(Stands. Crosses to VERN)
Will you shut him up?
RUT
(Profound realization)
You sound like God!
SAM
Heaven help us.
RUT
Wow. Imagine that.
(JIM reenters)
SAM
I thought you had him removed.
JIM
(To RUT)
You said you'd stay in the hall.
RUT
It's so lonely out there.
JIM
(Leads RUT out)
Come on.
SAM
Thank you.
VERN
When God talks, people listen.
END OF SCENE
Read more versions of Waiting on Trains at this link:
https://freedramaplays.blogspot.com/2017/11/waiting-on-trains-stage-play-script.html
