THE SKUNK IN THE TRUNK
scene for 4 actors (2 male 2 female)
from script Rednecks vs Aliens
(JULIE and JACOB are alone in his apartment.
JULIE gives JACOB a hug)
JULIE gives JACOB a hug)
JULIE
Are you sure you can’t talk me into staying?
JACOB
I thought you wanted to go home for a visit?
JULIE
I’m having second thoughts.
JACOB
Drag out the road trip part of it. You and Beth can take
the long way home and find adventures along the way.
the long way home and find adventures along the way.
JULIE
That does sound fun. Beth knows how to have a good time.
JACOB
Just promise me no Thelma and Louise kind of stuff.
JULIE
Hmmm.... maybe I should start by watching that movie.
I’ve never seen it.
I’ve never seen it.
JACOB
Please don’t. It might give you ideas. It’ll give Beth ideas for sure.
JULIE
Beth comes up with plenty of ideas on her own.
JACOB
Maybe you shouldn’t take the long way home.
JULIE
We’ll see.
JACOB
I’m glad you’re taking a break. It’s summer vacation and
you’re taking a much deserved break from graduate school.
you’re taking a much deserved break from graduate school.
JULIE
I wish you could come with me.
JACOB
I have to work, but I promise I will have some time off
later this summer. Then we’ll do something just for us. No family.
later this summer. Then we’ll do something just for us. No family.
JULIE
I like the sound of that. I wish I enjoyed my family more.
But they drive me crazy.
But they drive me crazy.
JACOB
They drive me a little crazy too.
JULIE
I become crazy when I’m around them too.
JACOB
Families have a way of doing that.
JULIE
After going away to college, it was so hard to go back again.
I didn’t feel like I fit in anymore.
I didn’t feel like I fit in anymore.
JACOB
You don’t. You’ve changed. And I like what I see.
JULIE
I like who I am now too.
JACOB
And she’ll be here waiting when you get home.
JULIE
Here comes the crazy train now.
JACOB
That’s Beth’s car? You sure it will make it back again?
(JULIE goes to the door. Beth rushes in distressed)
JULIE
What’s wrong, Beth?
BETH
Something’s wrong with my car.
JULIE
You looked terrified. Is it on fire?
BETH
There’s a weird sound coming from my trunk. Lots of weird sounds…
and smells.
and smells.
JACOB
I’ll go check it out for you.
(BETH gives JACOB her keys)
JULIE
What kind of smells?
BETH
Like a skunk or something. I really hope I don’t have
a skunk in my trunk.
a skunk in my trunk.
JULIE
Did you just send Jacob out there to get skunked?
BETH
Ooops. I hope not.
JULIE
Maybe I better go out there and warn him.
(JACOB enters)
JACOB
Look what the cat dragged in?
(JJ enters)
JULIE
There’s your skunk.
JJ
Who you calling a skunk?
JULIE
If the smell fits...
BETH
What were you doing in my trunk?!
JACOB
And why do you smell so bad?
JJ
I may have spilled a few beers. You sure hit a lot of potholes.
BETH
Good. I’m glad. You shouldn’t have been in my trunk!
Did Tina stuff you in there?
Did Tina stuff you in there?
JJ
She was pretty mad. That’s why I left. She don’t want to
be my girlfriend no more so what’s the point of staying
in that good for nothing town.
be my girlfriend no more so what’s the point of staying
in that good for nothing town.
JULIE
There are easier ways to leave town than in the trunk of a car.
JJ
Not really. Not with my mama watching my every move.
JACOB
Your mama?
JJ
She won’t let me leave town. She says it’s her duty since
I’ve been on parole but I ain’t been on parole for years.
She thinks she’s keeping me out of trouble but I’m tired of it.
I want to see the world.
I’ve been on parole but I ain’t been on parole for years.
She thinks she’s keeping me out of trouble but I’m tired of it.
I want to see the world.
JACOB
You’ve never been out of your hometown before?
JJ
Never. This is the first time I’ve crossed the border.
JACOB
The border?
BETH
Of Idaho.
JACOB
You’ve never been out of Idaho?
JJ
(looks outside)
Look at the size of that lake!
JACOB
It’s the Puget Sound… it connects to the ocean.
JJ
I ain’t ever seen the ocean before neither. See what my mama’s
done to me. This is criminal. She should be on parole!
done to me. This is criminal. She should be on parole!
JACOB
So what are you going to do with your new found freedom?
JJ
Got a beer?
BETH
You really know how to live, JJ.
JACOB
The world’s your oyster, JJ. You can do anything you want.
JJ
That’s right. The world is my oyster and I’m gonna pop it open
with a bottle opener and suck it down.
with a bottle opener and suck it down.
BETH
Gross.
JJ
Oh, Beth. Speaking of gross. Don’t drink any of them bottles in
your trunk. That ain’t lemonade.
your trunk. That ain’t lemonade.
BETH
What?! Oh, that is disgusting! You’re cleaning that up.
JJ
I ain’t cleaning nothing. That’s why we got you women folk.
Right, Jake?
Right, Jake?
JACOB
Don’t bring me into the middle of this.
JULIE
Good answer.
(JJ exits to kitchen to get a beer)
BETH
You get out there right now and clean my car!
(BETH exits after JJ)
JULIE
I do not want to ride back home with JJ. This is a nightmare.
JACOB
And Beth’s car does smell… interesting now.
JULIE
Why does everyone from my hometown have to be so… bizarre!
JACOB
Especially JJ.
JULIE
He’s the worst! And now I’m stuck with him. I’ll spend a
fortune in beer on the way home. That will be the only way
I will be able to shut him up.
fortune in beer on the way home. That will be the only way
I will be able to shut him up.
(BETH comes out with case of beer)
BETH
You’re not getting any of this until you clean my car!
JJ
Gimmie my beer!
(JJ chases BETH outside)
JULIE
That’s a preview of the trip home.
JACOB
Why don’t you take my car?
JULIE
Your car?
(JACOB holds out his keys)
JACOB
I insist. And I will clean up Beth’s car while you’re away.
JULIE
Are you sure you want JJ in your car? He might find a way to
stink up too.
stink up too.
JACOB
JJ can stay here with me. He said he wanted to see the world.
I’ll be happy to give him a place to crash while he does.
I’ll be happy to give him a place to crash while he does.
(JULIE gives JACOB a big hug)
JULIE
You are the most wonderful man in the entire universe.
JACOB
I know.
JULIE
And so humble.
JACOB
That’s what makes me perfect.
JULIE
I owe you big for this.
JACOB
Your eternal love is enough for me.
JULIE
You got it.
(JULIE gives him a big kiss)
JACOB
I like this eternal love stuff very much.
JULIE
I’ll give you lots more of that when I return. You sure
you’ll be able to handle JJ?
you’ll be able to handle JJ?
JACOB
It might be fun to do some male bonding. I don’t get a
chance to do much guy stuff.
chance to do much guy stuff.
JULIE
No strip clubs, okay?
(JACOB laughs)
JACOB
I promise.
(JJ rushes in with case of beer)
JJ
Where can I hide?
JULIE
What happened to Beth?
JJ
I may have pushed her in the trunk and locked her in.
It seemed funny at the time until the death threats started.
She was being specific how she was going to kill me. It sounds painful.
It seemed funny at the time until the death threats started.
She was being specific how she was going to kill me. It sounds painful.
JULIE
You are such an idiot! Give me those keys.
(JULIE takes keys from JJ and exits)
JJ
Where’s your outhouse?
JACOB
Back there.
JJ
Thanks!
(JJ exits to bathroom. BETH rushes in with
JULIE behind her)
JULIE behind her)
BETH
Where is he?!
JULIE
I have an idea, Beth. Let’s ditch him. Jacob said I could use
his car and we’ll strand JJ in Seattle.
his car and we’ll strand JJ in Seattle.
BETH
That’s awesome! This will be great!
JULIE
Hurry and put your stuff in Jacob’s car.
(JULIE gives BETH keys to JACOB’s car.
JULIE gives BETH’s keys to JACOB)
JULIE gives BETH’s keys to JACOB)
JULIE
Letting Beth think she pulled a prank like that on JJ will
make her feel like she got revenge. That’s the only way I can
think of to avoid bloodshed.
make her feel like she got revenge. That’s the only way I can
think of to avoid bloodshed.
JACOB
That’s some swift justice.
JULIE
That’s how this sheriff rolls.
JACOB
Give me a big old kiss good-bye, Sheriff.
JULIE
It would be criminal not to kiss such an incredible outlaw
such as yourself.
such as yourself.
(They start to kiss and BETH honks the horn)
JULIE
I guess she’s ready.
JACOB
Can we play sheriff and outlaw when you get back?
JULIE
It’s a date.
(JULIE kisses him again and then exits
with her suitcase. JACOB sighs and goes
to the door and waves. JJ comes out of bathroom)
with her suitcase. JACOB sighs and goes
to the door and waves. JJ comes out of bathroom)
JJ
What’s the smell?
JACOB
I hope it has nothing to do with what you did in the bathroom.
JJ
No… it smells sooo good. Like smoked meat. Juicy.
JACOB
Oh, that’s the burger place downstairs.
JJ
You mean your place always smells like this?
JACOB
From lunch until dinner.
JJ
Can I stay here? Please? I think I died and went to heaven.
JACOB
Sure.
JJ
Really?
JACOB
I can show you around today and then I’ll be at work most of
the week so the place will be yours during the day.
the week so the place will be yours during the day.
JJ
Jake, you’re my new best buddy.
(JJ punches JACOB in the arm)
JJ (CONT.)
Wait. Where are the girls?
JACOB
Heading back to Idaho in my car.
JJ
When they coming back?
JACOB
Next week.
JJ
How’d you pull that off?
JACOB
Let’s just say I tricked Beth into leaving.
JJ
You’re the man!
(JJ does a high five with JACOB)
JACOB
So what do you want to do first?
JJ
How many channels you got on that TV?
JACOB
Hundreds.
JJ
Why don’t you run down and get us a couple of them burgers
and I’ll finish off this case of beer. Maybe get some more beer too.
And pork rinds. They got pork rinds around here?
and I’ll finish off this case of beer. Maybe get some more beer too.
And pork rinds. They got pork rinds around here?
JACOB
You sure know how to live JJ.
JJ
I do indeed.
(JACOB exits. JJ turns on TV, opens a beer
and belches)
and belches)
END OF SCENE
from the play
Rednecks vs Aliens
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