OUTLAWS OF CANDY KITCHEN
by D. M. Larson
PART 1
SCENE 1
(Lights come up and various people are gathered in a club talking, drinking, and enjoying themselves. Everyone is dressed casually in western or 20's type clothes except for BONNEY who wears a nice outfit that stands out. PIANO PLAYER plays some intro music and then the center of attention is on JO and FLO who are arm wrestling. BERTHA tells AUDIENCE - this side for JO and this side for FLO)
JO: (Straining) You give up yet?
FLO: (Relaxed) What's the matter, Jo? Tired?
JO: No way.
BERTHA: Any more bets? Flo's looking tired.
(FLO starts to weaken)
JO: I've got you now.
BERTHA: (Collects money from someone) Twenty more dollars on Jo to win!
FLO: How much we got, Bertha?
BERTHA: That makes two hundred dollars for the winner.
FLO: (Slams down JO's arm) That's enough.
BERTHA: (Kisses money) Come to mommy!
JO: You cheated us!
SALLY: That ain't fair. We want our money back.
BERTHA: A bet's a bet.
JO: (Pulls a gun) And a gun's a gun.
BONNEY: (Hits JO over the head. He falls)
You know the rules.
(Picks up gun like it's a dirty diaper)
No guns.
SALLY: (Slaps his face) Jo? Jo? Speak to me.
BONNEY: Get that loser out of here.
(FLO and SALLY drag JO out or others in the ranch help)
FLO: Consider this one lost.
BONNEY: We're so sick of seeing guns. Ain't we John?
JOHN: (Raises head off table) Yeap... (and passes out again)
BERTHA: John? Is that John Miller? Isn't he…
BONNEY: Shhh, he doesn't like to people to know? (Goes to bar)
FLO: (Pulls BERTHA aside) Know what?
BERTHA: That John Miller used to be... (BONNEY shushes her)
FLO: Used to be who?
BERTHA: No, Bonney made me promise not to tell.
FLO gets audience to help AUDIENCE – Tell us!
BERTHA: No, I can't.
FLO gets audience to help... AUDIENCE – Tell us!
BERTHA: Okay, okay. John Miller is... Billy the Kid.
FLO: Billy the Kid. THE Billy the Kid. I thought he was dead.
BERTHA: Nope, he's alive and hiding out right here at the Candy Kitchen Ranch.
FLO: I thought for sure he'd be... more... alert.
BERTHA: I guess he took the death of his old self to heart. He's sure come a long way from his days as a Regulator.
FLO: The Regulators? They go around handing out prunes to keep everyone regular?
BERTHA: Nope. They were one of the toughest posses in the west. But the law didn't approve of their methods. That's when Billy turned outlaw.
FLO: I heard he killed 100 men.
BERTHA: He never hurt anybody who didn't deserve it. He believes in right and wrong. He wants justice like any law man. But he believes in swift justice. The law moves a little too slow for him.
FLO: Looks like he's slowed down a bit himself.
BERTHA: He's just enjoyed a bit of Bonney's candy.
FLO: A bit? Looks like he's had a whole bunch today.
BERTHA: Actually, he has too much everyday.
FLO: What do we do with him?
BERTHA: Throw a blanket over him and call him a chair.
