Saturday, December 3, 2016

Outlaws of Candy Kitchen Part 1 melodrama comedy fun stage play script

by D. M. Larson


(Lights come up and various people are gathered in a club talking, drinking, and enjoying themselves. Everyone is dressed casually in western or 20's type clothes except for BONNEY who wears a nice outfit that stands out. PIANO PLAYER plays some intro music and then the center of attention is on JO and FLO who are arm wrestling.  BERTHA tells AUDIENCE - this side for JO and this side for FLO)

JO: (Straining) You give up yet?

FLO: (Relaxed) What's the matter, Jo? Tired?

JO: No way.

BERTHA: Any more bets? Flo's looking tired.

(FLO starts to weaken)

JO: I've got you now.

BERTHA: (Collects money from someone)  Twenty more dollars on Jo to win!

FLO: How much we got, Bertha?

BERTHA: That makes two hundred dollars for the winner.

FLO: (Slams down JO's arm) That's enough.

BERTHA: (Kisses money) Come to mommy!

JO: You cheated us!

SALLY: That ain't fair. We want our money back.

BERTHA: A bet's a bet.

JO: (Pulls a gun) And a gun's a gun.

BONNEY: (Hits JO over the head. He falls) 

You know the rules.
(Picks up gun like it's a dirty diaper)

No guns.
SALLY: (Slaps his face) Jo? Jo? Speak to me.

BONNEY:  Get that loser out of here.  

(FLO and SALLY drag JO out or others in the ranch help)

FLO:  Consider this one lost.

BONNEY:  We're so sick of seeing guns.   Ain't we John?

JOHN: (Raises head off table) Yeap... (and passes out again)

BERTHA:  John?  Is that John Miller?  Isn't he…

BONNEY:  Shhh, he doesn't like to people to know?  (Goes to bar)

FLO:  (Pulls BERTHA aside)  Know what?

BERTHA:  That John Miller used to be... (BONNEY shushes her)

FLO:  Used to be who?

BERTHA:  No, Bonney made me promise not to tell.

FLO gets audience to help AUDIENCE – Tell us!

BERTHA:  No, I can't.

FLO gets audience to help... AUDIENCE – Tell us!

BERTHA:  Okay, okay.   John Miller is... Billy the Kid.

FLO:  Billy the Kid.   THE Billy the Kid.   I thought he was dead.

BERTHA:  Nope, he's alive and hiding out right here at the Candy Kitchen Ranch.

FLO:  I thought for sure he'd be... more... alert.

BERTHA:  I guess he took the death of his old self to heart.  He's sure come a long way from his days as a Regulator.

FLO:  The Regulators?   They go around handing out prunes to keep everyone regular?

BERTHA:  Nope.   They were one of the toughest posses in the west.   But the law didn't approve of their methods.   That's when Billy turned outlaw.
FLO:  I heard he killed 100 men.
BERTHA:  He never hurt anybody who didn't deserve it.   He believes in right and wrong.   He wants justice like any law man.   But he believes in swift justice.   The law moves a little too slow for him.
FLO:  Looks like he's slowed down a bit himself.
BERTHA:  He's just enjoyed a bit of Bonney's candy.
FLO: A bit?  Looks like he's had a whole bunch today.

BERTHA: Actually, he has too much everyday.

FLO: What do we do with him?

BERTHA: Throw a blanket over him and call him a chair.

(FLO shrugs and tosses a blanket over him)


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melodrama comedy fun stage play script

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