The Pirate and the Princess
Copyright © 2015 All Rights Reserved
(Sly and Fuchsia arrive back on the pirate ship and are greeted by Stinky)
SLY
We have returned!
FUCHSIA
Argh!
STINKY
What? Already?
SLY
And we have the jewel!
FUCHSIA
Ay! Ay!
(FUCHSIA gives jewel to STINKY)
STINKY
I can’t believe it. That’s amazing, Bones.
(STICKY gives BONES a big slap on the back and FUCHSIA stumbles. SLY grabs her)
SLY
So is she a full pirate now?
FUCHSIA
Yo ho ho!
STICKY
Almost. She has one final test.
SLY
She does? What kind of test?
STINKY
You must face a final challenge, Bones. One that will push you to your limits and prove to us all your are worthy of the name pirate.
SLY
This is so unfair. She did the jewel thing. That was pretty tough.
STINKY
Unfair? Ha! Since when are pirates fair? Quit your whining, Sly. That’s why you’re only a polliwog. Pirates don’t whine. Right Bones?
FUCHSIA
Argh!
(STINKY slaps her on the back again and SLY catches her – he walks away)
SLY
Stop with all the goofy pirate talk.
FUCHSIA
Sorry… why are you so cranky?
SLY
Because we’re in big trouble.
FUCHSIA
Why?
SLY
A final pirate test! To push you to your limits! You’re a princess not a pirate. How are you going to survive an extreme test of your skills?
FUCHSIA
By being super cute?
SLY
Cute doesn’t cut it here.
FUCHSIA
I have a great pout too.
(She shows him)
SLY
Nice… but that won’t work either.
FUCHSIA
What if I cry?
(works on some tears)
SLY
Pirates don’t cry. Stop that. Ever used a sword?
FUCHSIA
Never.
SLY
Ever used any kind of weapon?
FUCHSIA
Only in an emergency. But I prefer not to. I’m a lady.
SLY
Not anymore. You’re a pirate now… a very dead pirate.
FUCHSIA
Dead? You’re kidding right?
SLY
I hope so.
(STINKY looks at the jewel sadly)
FUCHSIA
Why is he so sad? Shouldn’t he be happy?
SLY
I don’t know. Let’s spy on him and find out.
FUCHSIA
How rude.
SLY
But piratey – come on.
(FUCHSIA and SLY spy on him)
STINKY
Not enough time to work my plan… all I have is this silly jewel to show. What’s wrong with me? Isn’t it treasure I seek? No, it’s love… the one thing a pirate can’t have. I thought it was adventure I wanted. I left behind the one true love with promises I never could keep. Now she is some servant locked away in a castle. Nanny to some bratty princess. I wanted to rescue her and take her away from all that. I’d give up all the treasure in the world to have her again.
(STINKY leaves)
FUCHSIA
Oh my goonie gracious!
SLY
Such language. Watch your mouth.
FUCHSIA
Quiet you… I know who he is talking about. He’s talking about my nanny!
SLY
So you’re the bratty princess? That’s funny.
FUCHSIA
You’re impossible.
SLY
I try.
FUCHSIA
This means he is the long lost love that my nanny is always crying about. She still loves him. And he still loves her. This is so romantic.
SLY
Yuck… enough with the R word.
FUCHSIA
I totally have to play matchmaker… I have to bring these two love birds back together again. That will be my mission.
SLY
I thought you wanted to be a pirate? Pirates don’t play matchmaker.
FUCHSIA
Oh forget that. This is more important.
SLY
What about adventure? What about living life on the edge? What about having some fun?
FUCHSIA
There’s nothing more important than love. Show me the way to my quarters. I must formulate a plan.
(FUCHSIA exits)
SLY
She’s going to love her “quarters”… I wonder what she thinks of rats?
FUCHSIA
I’m waiting.
SLY
(sighs)
I really miss Bones.
