The Pirate and the Princess
Copyright © 2015 All Rights Reserved
(BONES on castle balcony)
BONES
To be a pirate or a princess? I think I have a little of both inside of me. I love to relax and be pampered. I love chocolate and silky gowns and soft bed with satin sheets. But there's the other side of me, the pirate side of me, that loves adventure. I love the thrill of something new each day... Good or bad... It's new and exciting and makes me feel alive. And I miss the friendships I have because a pirate is never alone. How could I give up on my comrades, the ones who fight by my side and tell me wonderful stories. I miss the tall tales and the laughter. Instead I am locked away in a tower… I support I have everything I need… everything except a friend.
(Princess Petunia has heard some of this)
PETUNIA
Hello Fuchsia… I’m here.
BONES
Who are you?
PETUNIA
Princess Petunia… your favorite little cousin.
BONES
I’m ill… I don’t wish to be observed…
PETUNIA
Observed… don’t you mean disturbed?
BONES
Whatever.
PETUNIA
What’s going on? You’re not Fuchsia. I heard you talking.
BONES
Quiet you… or you’ll be in big trouble.
PETUNIA
Ha! You can’t do anything to me. I’m a princess.
BONES
Well, I’m not so I can do plenty to you.
(Grabs her and holds to edge of balcony)
BONES
How about I throw you off the cliff here and into the sea?
(PETUNIA squirms and bites BONES)
PETUNIA
I’m telling.
(BONES blocks her way)
BONES
You bit me! You sure you’re a princess?
PETUNIA
I’m the meanest princess in the land. Just try to stop me if you can.
BONES
Geez… do you have to speak in rhyme? That’s weird.
PETUNIA
Get out of the way. I will reveal your plot today.
BONES
Soon you will be a stiff; cause I’m throwing you off the cliff.
(BONES grabs PETUNIA and gets ready to throw her off the balcony. PETUNIA screams. NANNY rushes in. SPUD follows laughing)
NANNY
Stop this at once. What are you doing in here Petunia? Fuchsia is not feeling well today.
PETUNIA
Spud said I could come in.
BONES
Of course he did.
(SPUD smiles evily at BONES)
NANNY
You are an impossible little girl, Petunia. Where is your nanny?
(Fake innocence)
PETUNIA
I don’t know.
NANNY
What did you do to her this time? That poor lady.
SPUD
She sent her on some wild goose chase looking for some sweet cream for her supper.
NANNY
The last thing you need is sweet cream.
PETUNIA
Are you saying I’m fat? You horrid woman. I’m telling my daddy!
NANNY
You will do no such thing.
PETUNIA
I will tell him you hit me… then you’ll be in big trouble.
BONES
How about I throw you off the cliff instead?
(BONES grabs PETUNIA)
NANNY
As much as I’d enjoy seeing that… we better not. Come with my Petunia… we shall have a little lesson in manners…
PETUNIA
What if I don’t?
NANNY
Then I will hit you and I will enjoy it.
PETUNIA
Later pirate.
(NANNY leaves with PETUNIA)
SPUD
She knows?
BONES
She heard me talking to myself.
SPUD
This is bad… she’ll tell everyone.
BONES
What do we do?
SPUD
I have no clue… this is your mess…
BONES
You’re the one who let her in here… we wouldn’t be in this mess now if it weren’t for you. Fuchsia would be pretty upset if she knew you pulled a prank like that.
SPUD
Poor Fuchsia. I hope she is okay.
BONES
Something is up over there too. My ship is still on the horizon. They should have set sail by now.
SPUD
I can take a boat… and go check on her.
BONES
I’ll go with you.
SPUD
They’ll never let you out of the castle. Fuchsia is never allowed to leave.
BONES
She’s a prisoner?
SPUD
She’s being protected.
BONES
I’ll never go anywhere… see anything…
SPUD
You’re stuck.
BONES
I’m going a little stir crazy… I’m not sure I can do this.
SPUD
So you want to switch back?
BONES
Maybe.
SPUD
I’ll go get Fuchsia.
BONES
Don’t you get seasick?
SPUD
I will manage.
BONES
Good luck… she’s either having the time of her life or a prisoner by now… either way she’s not coming easily.
SPUD
It’s worth it.
BONES
You like her don’t you?
SPUD
Yes… she treats me well.
BONES
More than that… you have feelings for her… strong feelings.
SPUD
That’s none of your business.
BONES
But you’re a lowly servant and she is a princess. She can never love you yet you love her. How sad.
SPUD
That’s enough. Keep your thoughts to yourself. Or I’ll throw you off the cliff.
BONES
I’d like to see you try.
SPUD
I’m going for Fuchsia… you think you can handle yourself?
BONES
No problem.
SPUD
Good luck.
BONES
You too, Spud.
(SPUD exits. NANNY enters)
NANNY
What’s going on here?
BONES
What do you mean?
NANNY
You’re not Fuchsia.
BONES
Ooops… forgot my mask didn’t I?
NANNY
Where is she? Where is Fuchsia?
BONES
Calm down… everything’s okay. Spud went to go get her.
NANNY
Where?
BONES
Out there… on the pirate ship.
NANNY
You are a pirate! Guards!
BONES
No… no… wait.
NANNY
I should have known pirates were behind this. You are an evil lot. Guards!
BONES
Time to make my exit… off the cliff I go.
(BONES rips off her skirt and heads off the balcony)
NANNY
Guards! Hurry! She is escaping!
END OF SCENE
